I was shocked to hear a friend tell her dp to 'play the race card'

[MascaraOHara]

Her dp has been made redundant during the phone conversation when he was telling her she used the phrase "I think you should play the race card" she is hindi and he is muslim. I was really shocked that she would say that and had to bite my lip to stop myself telling her she can't say things like that. What do you guys think. Actually I don't think I should have put this is in 'am I being unreasonable' but I can't be bothered to move it.

YANBU at all. Did you find out why he had been made redundant?

That is not BU on your part unless she has good reason to believe that this would have impacted on the decision.

no, he's just been made redundant. Get the impression it was last one in first one out..

To be honest if she had thought it was genuine racism she wouldn't she wouldn't have said "just play the race card" would she. The thing that shocked me is that she said it so openly and naturally.. it really worried me.

I must be cynical and really hardened coz this sort of comment wouldn't shock me - I think it's standard practice these days for people to paint themselves as victims (some people, obviously)

you have just summed it up nametaken = totally agree that there is a real culture of using the role of victim, not just with "the race card" but with all sorts of things. My gran truly believes she should not have to pay her phone bill as she is a widow (?!!) and I have seen people jump queues, take advantage of other?s good will on the scantiest grounds - like the perfectly fit old lady on the corner of our road who insists on struggling on to the bus so she embarrasses someone (pregnant woman, elderly gent with doddery legs etc etc) to give up their seat rather than stand the half mile trip - she cycles miles and miles and happily walks her dog over hills and fields in all weather.. One of the less pleasant facets of human nature unfortunately and not just a limited to being a "race card" issue. Lets not dwell on it though - loads of nice people out there who would not dream of taking advantage by playing the victim

YANBU. You should have said something to her about it, might have got her thinking

There are plenty of undesirable individuals in every walk of life in every colour and creed.

Lemon tart (love your name!) I agree - like the pg woman recently who parked in tesco's parent & toddler space and then played the pg woman card.

YANBU - IMO, I don't think there was any need to bite your lip.

The woman's suggestion to play the "race card" is just indicative of the wider blame/victim culture that is becoming more pervasive.

Personally I would reconsider her status as 'friend'. But that's just me being all principled. A normal person might just say something to her.

I would have said something. but then I'm just like that.

It makes me really when people suggest to me that I should "play the disability card" to gain advantage, ie to get free admition into theme parks/attractions etc. I refuse to do so. I also know someone who was under threat of redundancy and who said that he was going to claim disability discrimination if he was made redundant .

I'm not surprised by the OP, tbh. I've heard it said many a time ... and it is a lip-biting experience.

"she is hindi"

Hindi is a language. My guess is she is actually Hindu. Not a big deal really, but this is a thread about race stuff.

What cheeses me off is that those who are willing to play the race/disability/whatever cards make it harder for those with genuine grievances on those grounds

Aren't Hindu and Muslim indications of your religion, not your race?

Especially as people who are still subject to genuine discrimination are still more likely to be made redundant / have their rights undermined as a result of race, disability, pregnancy etc.

Perhaps the reality is that people flasely claiming discrimination will not stop until genuine discrimination has stopped.

If there is a fair, genuine and watertight redundancy process, it won't work anyway.

snowleopard - yes.

That sort of thing really ticks me off. People then don't take real racism seriously when it does happen.

Quite.

The thing is, I have only ever heard 'the race card' used as an expression when someone was dismissing a genuine objection to something on racist grounds - 'oh he's playing the race card' after someone has brought a completely justified grievance for something whicc was rooted in racism.

I wish I was more shocked by this. I have come across a couple of people professionally who had a chip on their shoulder and were convinced anything that didn't go their way or any performance issues raised were to do with their race/sex/both rather than genuine issues. Most people know that the majority of individuals from minority groups don't have an attitude like that but having to deal with this does influence some people's more general perception which is sad. It also saps the confidence of managers when having to deal with a difficult issue and makes them paranoid about making (for example) a black woman redundant.

Of course sometimes there is discrimination but there are also a lot of paranoid managers out there desperate to do the right thing.

true i agree ppb

I have a colleague who has threatened to use this phrase if necessary.

Of course, there are a lot of other "cards" that people can and do choose to play.

I do know of examples as described by Flowery.

its a very sad but this type of thing happens a lot, people looking to blame something or someone so that they can claim some form of compensation. It makes it harder for genuine victims

TOTALLY agrre with lemontart....these are the kinds of people who make it hard for those who are genuine if you see what i mean..... i would be having words with this friend.......