To not want to move out of my family home...

[pr0crastinating]

Somewhat lightheartee and fully prepared to be told to grow up!

I am nearly 25, graduated last year and now have a full time job in my field. I am planning on moving out in the new year but am really starting to dread it. I love being independent, and lived away at uni fine, but the thought of leaving permanently is horrifying. I love my parents to bits, my mum is my best friend. The thought of not seeing her every day is really strange to me...I love getting home from work and having a chat with her about our day, or going for walks in the evening after dinner. This is home, I don't think anywhere else can ever feel like this does. Am I just overthinking it and being really childish! I want my mum to come with me

😂 Well as mum of three I hope your mum gets to read this, I'm sure it would make her very happy! My youngest is still with me at 30 and next one up lives 10 seconds away and round most nights for his tea. As someone who stupidly married young to get away from home I take this as a great compliment.......... But could just be my cooking😳

Feeling "like you should" and being the last of your friends to move out don't sound like good reasons - this is YOUR life and you get to live it how you want.

If you don't feel like you want to move in with your partner, and your folks are happy to have you at home, then stay put! Take the opportunity to save up, enjoy spending time with your family and do what makes you happy.

Take it from an old codger: doing things (like moving in with someone, getting married, having kids, taking a "sensible" job, etc) because you think that "it's just what you do" or that it is somehow expected of you isn't a path to happiness. If you let other people's expectations (or worse, a nebulous feeling of what you "ought" to be doing ) guide your decisions, you'll end up living someone else's life, not your own.

I bought my first house a mile away from my parents. I used to come home ti my own house sometimes to my tea in the oven and a note saying they would be round to eat with me later. Good larents are golden you never stoo feeling a pang for home but you know when the time is right.

25 and living with your parents because you can’t manage your own life is bad.

25 and living with your parents because it’s an arrangement that works well for all parties and you are saving for your future is perfectly responsible.

You don’t have to actually move out, as long as you are in the position where you could move out, you are ticking all the adulthood checklist boxes.

I have no advice but our situations are almost identical! I love my partner so much but I know I'm going to miss my mum hugely when I move out. Glad to know I'm not totally alone in feeling that way

It’s nice you’re close but personally I think this is weird. Do you not feel like you want to create your own home? My mum and I are close and I love chatting to her but I couldn’t wait to get out!

Not unreasonable at all. Actually it’s kind of beautiful.
It is sad moving away from a good family and even though it’s the norm it’s not like moving away from your family is somehow more natural than not. In old times people would often keep the family home and live in the same house as one set of parents (especially if rich) and none of them ever thought they were less “grown up” because of it.

In many ways modern life sucks arse.

This is completely adorable. It’s so lovely you are so close to your mum you don’t want to move out. I think the suggestion of looking at it as a way for you and your boyfriend to save up to maybe buy your own place is a really good one. It can make a huge difference being able to save without renting. It’s so lovely your parents are happy to have you at home and you and your mum are so close. Please show her this thread, it’ll make her day!

The OP has been away at university, living her life and now has had a lovely spell of home comforts with her parents and is loathe to leave it.

Honestly, she will be an adult long enough juggling the responsibilities of a home and a relationship.

If she wants to extend her period with family home comforts, after being away at Uni and her parents agree, I think she should grab it.

As someone who has spent nearly 40 years nurturing myself and those around me, I think an extra year in the bosom of her family enjoying that close relationship, sounds like a gift.

She will be someone's girlfriend/wife/mother long enough IMO.

This is nice. I'm 48 and still wish I could live with my mother.

I got my own place at 20, but was back with my mother at 24 for a couple of years (with my boyfriend) and loved it.

My nephews are 26 and 24 and still at home (one with thrir girlfriend). My SIL loves it. I hope my own teens take their time leaving!

There is no rush. I agree that fitting around others' expectations is no path to follow.

Enjoy this time, because it's precious.

Oh, how lovely, not at all unreasonable.
I moved into our first house the night we got married, 40 miles from home, and I cried for 2 weeks, My new house was lovely and I loved my husband, but I felt totally homesick.
But It got easier and we did move back nearer after 10 years.
You will be ok.

My DD is 28 (middle child) and she's got no plans to go anywhere as she loves living at home
She pays rent, she's got her cat, my dog, a big bedroom for all of her stuff, we car share, she's told me she's going to live with me for a verrryyy long time and I'm quite happy
Her DB's have flown the nest and are happy
Win win!

What a lovely post. My 20 something daughter is still at home. We’re not in any rush for her to leave. We have a lovely relationship.

Enjoy your family home as long as you can.

I didn't leave home until my early 30's and still look back with huge fondness for the years my Mum and I lived together.. she was divorced and I was single and we had a great time.

I don't think you realise how young you are. Don't rush, look hard at how you are feeling, is there any reason you don't want to move in with your partner? Only worried as you said you feel you should not that you want to.

Oh I know what you mean OP! Once I started working I stayed home with parents for a few years, till I had to move cities for work. My siblings had left the nest and my relationship with my parents was more 'grownup'. I absolutely loved coming home to mum and spending weekends doing things together and travelling with her. My dad was not retired yet so this saved my mum being lonely too. When I look back those were some of the best days of my life, where I was halfway between being a child and adulting. I still have a wonderful relationship with my mum though we are on different continents, and those lovely few years really helped cement it.

I was this person. My mum very gently encouraged me out, and eventually I moved in with my partner at 25. I'm so glad I did because mum died when I was 28 and, as absolutely devastating as it was, I had my own home to go back to after her funeral, and a whole life two hours away in a big city. Works. Friends. Home of my own to maintain. If I'd lived at home at the point she died I'd never have left the house or the village, I am absolutely certain of that.

And I'm very very glad that I had those 25 years with her.

That sounds like a really lovely relationship with your mum, OP However, I am going to be blunt and say I think some PPs' replies ("there's no rush"; "you have plenty of time") are coming from a slightly selfish place of hoping their DCs will also feel that close to them in future.

I would just have to wonder if there ever will be an obvious time for you to leave, if not now or soon? I have a couple of family members who stayed in the family home into late 20s, early 30s, after encouragement from their parents. They still have a wonderful relationship with their parents but are now quite out of step with friends who have settled down when they are only just properly starting out on their own.

I "forced" my Dd to move out at around 30 ! In the nicest possible way, (Shes about 5 minutes away !) I really miss her,
She loves her own flat now !!

When my daughter got a flat with her then boyfriend she said she was going to stay at home during the week and stay at the flat weekends. We had to have a serious chat about it. She had lived away from home while at uni and the flat was literally 5 minutes away from us. Once she had been there 6 months she was ok.

@Disfordarkchocolate

There is no rush, you can stay home longer if you want. What others do is nothing to think about.

Should it not also be if her parents want her to be there longer?

Aww OP this is beautiful, as a single mum of 3 teenagers I’d feel so immensely happy if mine was to write this on a public forum at your age I really really hope mine don’t wanna leave home any time soon I’d love for them to all stay for many many many years to come. Also only move out when you feel ready if you’re happy where you are for a while longer it really does sound like a good chance for you to save (some/some more) & gives you a bit of extra time with your lovely parents x

If you should choose to go on and have children of your own you have the perfect tools to recreate a wonderful home for them. That’s fabulous.

Honestly don’t overthink this. You’ll be fine, change is a bit scary but your parents will still be there for you and you can begin to host them and enjoy sharing your next steps.