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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think telling a teacher makes it worse?

28 replies

HouseofSkullduggery · 17/11/2021 16:34

Ds is in Yr 7. Enjoying it so far until this week. 3 lads have started having a go at him. He doesn't know why. He is a good, hard working kid and easy to get along with. The lads have told him to fight them, kicked him and name calling.
If he tells staff I'm worried it will make it worse. It's likely they have older siblings in school and my son walks there and back either on his own or home with a friend so they could easily follow him.
What do I do?

OP posts:
Buttercup54321 · 17/11/2021 17:22

Support your son and tell the teacher yourself. This needs nipping in the bud now.

BuggerOrfDeary · 17/11/2021 17:46

Tell the school and say you'll involve the police if it doesn't stop
I have zero tolerance for this

NiceTwin · 17/11/2021 17:47

Absolutely tell the school, they need to be aware of it.

SweatyYetti · 17/11/2021 17:50

Seriously? Hmm Tell the school. Are you an adult?!

Sirzy · 17/11/2021 17:52

Of course you need to talk to school.

He has taken a big step talking to you so now you need to support him in sorting it.

BuggerOrfDeary · 17/11/2021 17:53

@SweatyYetti

Seriously? Hmm Tell the school. Are you an adult?!
Are you a parent? It's a dilemma for a lot of people Don't be so rude
itsjustnotok · 17/11/2021 17:53

Tell the school. DD was attacked by a girl in her Year after school. She used social media to try and target her as well. We went to the police and the school. I wanted it nipped in the bud, it wasn’t the first time I had heard of issues but this was the first time anything had actually happened to DD. The school were excellent and resolved it quickly. The girl hasn’t been near DD since.

Original poster
HouseofSkullduggery · 17/11/2021 18:34

How did it get resolved when you told the school? I just have visions of them waiting for him after school. Is a teacher having words with them actually going to make them listen? Won't he be known aa a 'grass'?

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 17/11/2021 18:38

Absolutely youust tell tje school and if nothing is resolved straight to the police ,it's assault plain and simple.

BurbageBrook · 17/11/2021 18:40

Good grief, how can you even question this? Of COURSE tell the school!!!

MrsFoxyplease · 17/11/2021 18:40

Email the Head of Yr 7 and ask if you can have a meeting.
It needs to be taken seriously before it escalates.

AFS1 · 17/11/2021 18:41

At my daughter’s school, they often don’t say they’ve received a complaint. They tell the kids they’ve seen them bullying on CCTV.

My daughter had a major issue with one girl who has a lot of family in the school. It got nipped in the bud and there’s been no issue from anyone since then.

2bazookas · 17/11/2021 18:42

YOU tell the school. Polite, calm,. names and date.

TurnUpTurnip · 17/11/2021 18:44

I agree op actually, I told the school about a boy bullying my son and they acted like I was making it up!

AtLeastImNot · 17/11/2021 18:45

A good school will say that a member of staff has noticed or that they have been overheard, no need to say it comes from you or him.

saveourtrees · 17/11/2021 18:52

my parents told the school. school put me and the bullies in a meeting together and it was embarrassing and humiliating. I told the teacher things got worse and they didn't do anything more. I was made to feel like a pest and obviously the bullying carried on for the whole 5 years.

schools are shit with bullying.

Funny enough I walked past the bullies when I had left school with my now dh and other friends. They started shouting 'hello how lovely to see you savethetrees' acting nice as pie probably because I was with handsome boys and I told them they were the nasty cows from school. Well those girls got a verbal beating from my DH and friends. They were so embarrassed and left sharpish. Now I'm wondering if I had just told them to piss off myself I wouldn't have had to deal with 5 years of their nonsense.

5 years is a long time to be bullied. Especially in secondary school when you're in your teenaged years. teenagers can be so cruel.
and they can turn a whole school against you.
Ever seen the invetweeners where will is walking down the hall at school and everyone is calling him a walker and looking down on him? I don't think it's worth telling the school.

Newrumpus · 17/11/2021 18:52

What do the police say to those parents that have reported another child for name-calling and kicking?

GingerFigs · 17/11/2021 19:01

I can understand where the OP is coming from. When I was at school no one told the teachers if there was bullying because that just meant you'd getting a kicking outside of school.

I am genuinely curious if this is how it's managed these days, how do teachers handle it, they can't be on hand all the time to prevent it. How is it tackled?

Naughtynovembertree · 17/11/2021 19:11

I know what you mean op, schools can be utterly bizzare when it comes for dealing with bullying.
Ive worked somewhere where they seemed to almost victim blame be utterly weak and useless.
And yet other places just crack down and don't accept it at all?

I can't see why some places can't handle it? And they do make it worse

LettertoHermoine · 17/11/2021 19:13

@SweatyYetti

Seriously? Hmm Tell the school. Are you an adult?!
How the hell is this helpful? Cop on.

I understand your dilemma OP, sometimes you can be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

hiredandsqueak · 17/11/2021 19:31

Well for me I contacted the HT and told him that if the child laid one finger on my daughter again I would involve the police and so it would be in the school's best interest to ensure that he got the message before I had to do so. No idea what he said but child disappeared from dd's group and was placed in the opposite house and dd had no further issues. Having said that HT knew from experience it would be far better to address it promptly rather than give me cause to complain.

Suzanne999 · 17/11/2021 19:32

I think you go to the school, very calmly , and state exactly what happened and what you expect the school to do. Don’t ask what they’ll do, tell them what you expect to happen.
E.g. My son was assaulted by x, y and z while on your premises and in your care. This is unacceptable.
I want you to take action against x, y and z to ensure that they will not bother my son again, and neither will any of their family members in the school intimidate him in any way.
If this is not done so I can be satisfied my son is safe I will take the matter to the police as a case of assault.
Then stop and wait. Do not say another word, just wait. This forces the other person ( I’d go straight to the Head) into replying.

Redarrow2017 · 17/11/2021 19:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Newrumpus · 17/11/2021 19:41

@hiredandsqueak

Well for me I contacted the HT and told him that if the child laid one finger on my daughter again I would involve the police and so it would be in the school's best interest to ensure that he got the message before I had to do so. No idea what he said but child disappeared from dd's group and was placed in the opposite house and dd had no further issues. Having said that HT knew from experience it would be far better to address it promptly rather than give me cause to complain.
Why in the school’s best interest? Do you mean in the perpetrator’s best interest? In my experience the police are not interested in school matters like this unless they are extreme. They may mention it during a school visit and ask if it has been reported and dealt with. Trying to get the police to deal with more serious acts of violence is difficult enough. Their view is that school should deal with it.
Original poster
HouseofSkullduggery · 17/11/2021 20:32

Thank you for the further replies. I'm going to email school now.

OP posts:
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