to think that my MIL shouldn't always be the responsibility of DH and myself at Christmas?

[OrmIrian]

MIL lives in the same town as SIL. MIL used to live with SIL and her DH with the kids for years but now has her own flat. But inspite of all the free babysitting, school running, letting her older GCs move in with her for months at a time, SIL can't seem to think of inviting MIL to her house at Christmas. When we have christmas at home we always invite MIL. We are going to my parents' house this year and usually mum invites my MIL too but TBH she drives my dad mad (not very sisterly thing to say but she's a twittery woman) and it means someone has to go out of their way to pick her up and take her home as she lives 10 miles away from my parents.

Just had a phone call from MIL about presents etc and she asked where we were going on Christmas Day and I had to tell her. Cue silence and then 'Oh.... I thought you probably were'. Nothing I could say. I feel bad for her. Am I unreasonable to think that SIL could invite her to her house for lunch - she's not got any of the DCs on Christmas day and is feeling a bit sad about that. But she can't seem to see that her mum might feel the same.

I am not going to be involved - I am not! It's isn't my family but I think it's sad.

Nothing you can do about Christmas day, if you aren't going to be at your house, but you could invite her for Boxing Day if it makes you feel better?

And no, I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Boxing Day is a possibilty I suppose. Dh won't be there most of the time though.

YANBU to think that your SIL should step up, but does she know that you want her to? It's difficult to start telling her that her mum drives your dad mad I guess...

Our family has a similar problem every year as my brother's MIL can be "a challenge" and two of her three children avoid her like the plague. That means that my brother brings her to my mums. I also find my very right wing aunty a trial, but it doesn't do me any lasting harm to spend a few hours with her. I would find the thought of either of them sitting at home on their own pretty upsetting. You sound like a lovely person and I suspect that you might feel the same on Christmas Day.

I would insist that your DH should talk to his sister and, if she still doesn't do the right thing, then ask MIL to your parents' house. Your dad will survive and extending hospitality to one twittery lady will do his soul good.

So endeth the sermon. {fgrin}

I don't know if she knows I want her to patsy I would have thought she could had thought of it for herself.

I'll speak to DH and see if I can get a bit more in response than the usual non-committal shrug and grunt. I know that if I asked my mum she'd ask MIL like a shot but I don't feel like I should do that unless there is no choice.

I agree that your DH should talk to his sister and say that you're going to your parents so it would be great if she could 'have' their mum this year.

If not I agree that it would be a nice thing if you all invited her to your mum and dad's; maybe keep it shorter? Have a 'family' christmas morning just you dh and the kids, then spend a few hours all together at your mum's; that won't kill anyone and your dad might retain his sanity!

Oh don't get me started on this one! I have the same situation - only slightly more annoying. BIL and his wife-to-be expect to come to our house as well as mother in law. We have dropped various hints but to no avail. So us, our four children, mil, bil and wife-to-be and two elderly relatives - who are very very welcome. I don't mind doing it really but I dislike the assumption that I will do it.

I think you might just have to be very frank. Ask. Say are you inviting her because if you are not I will have a word with my parents and see if they can accommodate her, although mass catering is getting a bit much for them... etc. Horrible position for you.

YANBU

I've got the same issue with my parents. My dad is the most miserable grumpy bastard on the face of this earth and we always seems to have them for Christmas (as I feel sorry for mum and don't see why she should loose out). My brother (14 years older than me) has never had them for Christmas -not once during his married life and he has been married 22 years!

I can't tell you how much I loathe and resent him for abdicating responsibility in this way (self centered fecker)

Sadly the nice people get stitched up like kippers by the selfish bastards ones in the family.

I hope that it works out for everyone.

My brother rarely invites my parent's for christmas either but they live in N Wales and up till now they've had no room for them to stay. However they have just built an extension and my parents are going up there for New Year so maybe they'll get round to Christmas one day

Definitely get your DH to speak to his sister. And hmc I would have thought you wouldn't have been one to suffer silently while your selfish brother does his own thing. Have you never mentioned it to him?

Bet this is me one day. Two ds's and their wives fighting over who will take me at Christmas like a parcel.

Will have to try not to be twittery.

Robins' are meant to twitter

It's not really like that robin. I like my MIL and given the choice she'd come to us every year but it's not really my choice this year.

Ah well we don't really talk bozza you see....

We have this with my mum. Now I actually like to see her at Christmas but just sometimes I would really like to have just us. At home. My brother does his own thing and usually makes a flying visit to mums on Xmas Day. He won't eat there and stays about an hour before he starts getting twitchy. She then takes it out on us, because we are there and she is disappointed he isn't