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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say something to the head

41 replies

Nobranothanks · 17/11/2021 11:46

I'm wracking my brains over this one as I'm really unsure whether I should mention it to the head/deputy head.

My DC has just started school. It became apparent early on (through the WhatsApp group) that there were a lots of quite frankly insane parents. From talking to parents of other classes it seems to be only my child's class that's like this, around half of the parents in the class(bombarding the school with complaints about EVERYTHING, organising a witch hunt against the class teacher as she wouldn't spend 5 mins at the end of everyday discussing each child in private with the parent, that parebts should choose the school dinners at the begining of term - not from menu just by saying what their DC would like everyday, strongly disagreeing with the reward system.... I could go on)

It has been so relentless that class teacher is now leaving, her replacement has an unusual name but so far nobody has met her as she hasn't started it. They've now started on the new teacher.... Because of her name.

This doesn't sit right with me and I feel like I should raise it with the school however I do t want to be "that" parent. I did email them when the other issues were escalating as the group of parents were going en masse to the head to"state the feelings of the year" however it was only the feelings of 10 people.

So, AIBU to give the school a heads up about what quite frankly seems bullying behaviour toward someone they've never met!

OP posts:
Alpinechalet · 17/11/2021 12:28

Definitely report, they are bullies. Pre judging someone they have never met is not acceptable behaviour. This new teacher needs your support, report every time there is unjust criticism otherwise you become complicit in their bullying by staying silent.

I would also be writing to the teacher who is leaving thanking them and acknowledging how badly they have been treated by a small number of parents.

Original poster
Nobranothanks · 17/11/2021 12:32

@Alpinechalet thanks so much for the feedback. I've already written to the teacher and also the school saying what a fantastic job they're doing and that the views the parents are stating and those of everyone. I've also spoken to the current teacher 😊

The way this group of parents are behaving has absolutely blown my mind!

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 17/11/2021 12:35

Definitely report. I haven't been in education for a few years now but noticed when I was there the rise of wats app parent groups. I'm sure some have value ; reminders, support etc, but some parents just want to complain about every little thing and as pp said, they're just bullies.
I'm not surprised the teacher is leaving. Definitely send her a card to say thanks for all she's done. She'll appreciate it.

TimeForTeaAndG · 17/11/2021 12:38

I'd leave the WhatsApp group (honestly, what are you actually going to miss?) and I'd be telling them why. What a disgusting way for a bunch of supposed grown ups to act.

Hetyanni · 17/11/2021 12:38

This happened on my friend's dc WhatsApp. The head teacher got involved and stopped anyone posting - they all now need to submit any posts through the group admin who posts on their behalf. The only things that get approved are the bog standard own clothes day/lost jumper stuff.

Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse · 17/11/2021 12:39

Report it.
Our new teacher actually asked that only positive things were put on WhatsApp. If you had anything negative to say you were to say it to her face. That shut people up!

user1477249785 · 17/11/2021 12:39

We had a similar situation. What eventually broke it was one parent putting their head above the parapet and saying: I don't agree with what people are saying here, it isn't kind. Then there was a FLOOD of others who swung in behind and the whole dynamic changed. Could you be brave enough to do that?

RedCarsGoFaster · 17/11/2021 12:43

Out of interest, what's their problem with the name? Are they being racist?

WeAllHaveWings · 17/11/2021 12:45

I think I would be banned from the whatsapp group quite quickly!

What did they say when you questioned/challenged them on prejudging the teacher based on their name? You won't be the only one thinking it.

Treecreature · 17/11/2021 12:46

Don't report them. Tell them directly.

Original poster
Nobranothanks · 17/11/2021 13:10

The issue is, any comments made that don't agree get ignored - no replies, radio silence. I also get ignored if I put a message on asking if anyone has seen my DC's jumpers etc now too so I am clearly not one of the chosen ones 🤣

I really have never seen anything like it... So bizarre!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nobranothanks · 17/11/2021 13:15

@RedCarsGoFaster quiet racism is what has made me feel uneasy about it - I may be wrong. Apparently the name will be too hard for the children to pronounce (it's really not!)

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/11/2021 13:27

OP,

The likelihood is that with such an awful bunch you are in for years of drama.

Be prepared.

Identify the children of the worst offenders and avoid like the plague.

Identify other normal ish parents and encourage friendships with their children.

Those that behave in such an appalling way will always find drama.

I have fortunately never had any issues like that, though in fairness your group sounds WAY out there.

That is very abnormal.

I remember once or twice parents asking for opinions about the HUGE amount of homework, and it was huge but other than that, very restrained.

People that are so comfortable being so awful with a bunch of new parents is unusual so you would be very wise to proceed with huge caution.

I think you can print out chat.
Might be a good idea to do it, incase things get ugly.

PinkPomeranian · 17/11/2021 13:35

Personally I'd mention it to the Head and speak out on the WA group. Especially if it's quiet racism, as you seem to suspect. Negative comments on these groups are so pointless as they don't give the school an opportunity to respond, and they create a negative atmosphere.

Our school has no control over WA group but it doesn't accept letters sent on behalf of classes for the reasons you outline. Perhaps your school might want to think about a similar policy.

Good luck!

Topseyt · 17/11/2021 13:37

Yes, report them. They sound like bullying arseholes.

Maybe leave the WhatsApp group if nobody takes control and things don't calm down.

I'm very glad that there was no such thing as class/year WhatsApp groups when my children were at school. They seem to be magnets for shitty behaviour by immature and bitchy parents.

pastypirate · 17/11/2021 13:42

Leave the whatsapp group for your own well-being. I have never been in a WhatsApp group for the whole of dd1 primary education - cos I'm already a social pariah for being a working single parent and I'm glad I didn't have to deal with this crap.

IntemperateSpirits · 17/11/2021 13:57

Does the school have a WhatsApp group policy?
Ours does - they want the class reps to use WhatsApp to pass messages on, it also reduces the amount of calls to the office, they use it as an emergency tree etc so the school need it but after incidents like those they have a policy that says no personal attacks etc. Ask for a meeting with the HT and show her screenshots.

Mumdiva99 · 17/11/2021 14:18

Leave the What App group now. No good has come from being on there. You yourself say they ignore your messages about lost jumpers etc. so no benefit of you staying.

Yes - tell the HT you are concerned by the parents behaviour. (There may be nothing the HT can do - as the what app is private - but you are just giving them a heads up).

As for the name - my kids have been taught be teachers with very hard to pronounce names - the only people that have any issues pronouncing it are the parents. The kids are told it once and perfectly fine.

AppleKatie · 17/11/2021 14:24

I wouldn’t leave the group- know your enemy and all that.

I would assume though the reason you aren’t getting replies is because all the normal people have either muted the group/left it/are too intimidated to speak because of the bullies.

Pottedpalm · 17/11/2021 14:36

Too hard to pronounce? So only people with simple names need apply? They are barking!
The teacher will doubtless hp them and understand if their pronunciation isn’t spot on.
A teacher friend of mine years ago had the name Fasciglione; some children could only manage ‘Mrs Figgy’ at first, she didn’t mind!

CityMumma78 · 17/11/2021 14:38

You should share this with the school, it’s dreadful behaviour. But brace yourself for many years of entitled bullying parents… my DC is at college now and the moaning and gripping on the shared Facebook group by nutty parents is insane and would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic!! To think that these parents are role models to their DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TotallySuper · 17/11/2021 15:17

I would report and also suggest to the Head that the children of these parents need "diluting" so spreading around classes within the same year group (if your school is big enough that it has multiple classes within a year group) so these parents are not all ganging up on 1 teacher it's more spread amongst 2 or 3 teachers. That's what they do in my DCs school if they have "difficult" children or parents grouped together within 1 class, they spread them about to share the load.

TotallySuper · 17/11/2021 15:18

And just to add, if they are "diluted" it's likely they won't be able to hype each other up and get so nasty as they'll be dealing with different teachers etc.

TotallySuper · 17/11/2021 15:19

I would also take screen shots of the potentially racist comments to show the head the extent of the rudeness to push them into action. Hearsay may not work. I feel sorry for the new and previous teachers.

TheMooch · 17/11/2021 15:33

We had similar. Some people reported it and took a screenshot to the HT.
The HT spoke to those posting aggressively and said of they continued they were not to enter the school grounds unless invited by the HT themselves because they were not having them cause upset for staff.

Worked a treat.