WWYD? - 13yo DD wants to read misery fiction

[Honesttodog]

my 13-year-old DD spotted someone reading “the bad room” on the train yesterday and asked if she could read it. She has asked me about this kind of misery fiction when we’ve been in the supermarket before and she likes looking at magazines like reveal and closer in the shop as well, with all the “I nearly died” stories. I read the same kind of thing when I was her age too but it isn’t very healthy!!

I’m at that tricky point where it’s hard to conceal most things from her and I feel like it’s okay if she sees the real world. But those books are awful!

WWYD?

I wouldn’t encourage it, but I wouldn’t stop her either. It’s part of growing up, reading books you probably shouldn’t- I do worry about kids watching stuff like Squid Game, but the great thing about books is you can get a sense of whether a book is too disturbing gradually- you’re rarely suddenly whacked with a scene of graphic sexual violence for example, without some sort of narrative signposting- and if you wish, close it before you’re upset or too challenged by it- TV doesn’t really give you that option- it’s on your screen before you know what’s coming.

I would say though, that there are some more “literary” books in that genre (Hanya Yanagihara’s A Little Life is a prime example) that I loved for the narrative craft and understood the ways depictions of abuse and violence could be used to pose or lead us to wider social and moral questions, but found very distressing even as an adult reader.

@Bagelsandbrie

I was reading stuff like that at that age and watching true crime documentaries. It’s an interest that’s stayed with me ever since and now at 41 I am completely obsessed with anything true life / true crime and have an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of serial killers (I have autism so my interest is stronger than most…!) Don’t stop her, just say to her that if there’s anything she’s reading about that’s upsetting her remember she can just close the book and come and talk to you.

The Bad Room is okay, I mean it’s upsetting but it’s not one of the most graphic and upsetting ones there is.

That’s not to be encouraged.

@Etinoxaurus why not? You do realise criminology is a whole subject that people study ….! (My dd is studying it at university)! Serial killers, true crime etc is all part of that. I follow trials online and am very interested in the whole legal system.

VaguelyInteresting I really agree with your point about how books tend to lead slowly to upsetting content and usually leave the reader time to back out. Still a good idea to be careful though. I saw a thread on here a while ago where the OP was given a clear YABU for considering to allow her young teen to watch the IT movie. Fair enough but I couldn't believe the amount of responses suggesting she let them read the book instead. I've read the book and watched the movie, if I absolutely had to let my teen have one or the other it would be the movie. The book is far more graphic and has some really awful sexual content that's missing from the movie.

The Hunger Games trilogy is for teenagers. I didn't watch the films, the books were quite disturbing enough!

I read Flowers in the Attic and some other Virginia Andrews at that age and now as an adult I look back with horror

[quote Bagelsandbrie]@Etinoxaurus why not? You do realise criminology is a whole subject that people study ….! (My dd is studying it at university)! Serial killers, true crime etc is all part of that. I follow trials online and am very interested in the whole legal system.[/quote]
I’m very aware and work in the cjs. Wallowing in serial killers as a hobby is grim and shows a lack of empathy.

@BananaPB

I read Flowers in the Attic and some other Virginia Andrews at that age and now as an adult I look back with horror

Same! My mum gave it me to read I had an adult library card from 10 and my reading was never censored. I still read a lot

Don't you remember being thirteen? Haven't you ever been on Tumblr? The inside of a 13yo's head is wall to wall ANGST and darkness.

The idea that a 13yo doesn't already know most of the darkness the world has to offer is pretty naive. I would let her read them and talk to her about them.

I don't believe books should be censored in this day and age. Kids are exposed to much worse things online. Be grateful that your child is interested in books at all.

I’m very aware and work in the cjs. Wallowing in serial killers as a hobby is grim and shows a lack of empathy.

That's actually quite common fascination among young females. Maybe not the most productive or tasteful amusement, but not abonormal.

Wallowing in serial killers as a hobby is grim and shows a lack of empathy.

An awful lot of the general public, to say nothing of authors, psychologists, criminologists, and specialists in serial killers, who literally "wallow" as their jobs, lack empathy then.

True crime is a huge genre because many, many people are deeply fascinated by the whys and wherefores, and by how and when human psychology goes deeply off the rails. It's a normal and common interest precisely because it is often driven by a desire to understand.

@Honesttodog

my 13-year-old DD spotted someone reading “the bad room” on the train yesterday and asked if she could read it. She has asked me about this kind of misery fiction when we’ve been in the supermarket before and she likes looking at magazines like reveal and closer in the shop as well, with all the “I nearly died” stories. I read the same kind of thing when I was her age too but it isn’t very healthy!!

I’m at that tricky point where it’s hard to conceal most things from her and I feel like it’s okay if she sees the real world. But those books are awful!

WWYD?

I'd say let her read it, at around that age I was doing research projects based on supernatural books, cases such as the Amityville house, tv shows I watched was Buffy and poltergeist the legacy, series ect

I used to read a lot of Charles Dickens at that age - not exactly laugh a minute. Definitely didn't have anyone policing what I read.

@Etinoxaurus wow what a generalisation to make! You have no idea what you’re talking about, sorry. I’m a very sensitive, empathetic, kind person. Maybe it’s the fact I had quite a difficult childhood (abusive schizophrenic mother and then bullied as a child) that I want to understand other people’s experiences and psychology more in order to try and make sense of my own.

What an ignorant comment.

People are interested in different things. It’s what makes us different from each other and that’s okay!

Balance is the thing here. Take her to a good bookshop - not a supermarket or newsagent - and turn her loose in the older reader section. Intersperse the misery with mystery and adventure and she'll get a balanced diet.

@Bagelsandbrie
sorry

Reading such books can be a way of processing trauma, but you can also get stuck. There are better ways of processing it.

I was coming on to say flowers in the attic. Incest, rape and drinking blood. I, and most if my classmates read it at 10.

[quote Etinoxaurus]@Bagelsandbrie
sorry

Reading such books can be a way of processing trauma, but you can also get stuck. There are better ways of processing it.[/quote]
Thank you for the apology. I’m sorry I snapped, it just hit a nerve. 💐

I have lots of other interests too… it’s just something that’s stuck with me over the years. I actually do a lot of volunteer work for victim support type charities.

@helpfulperson

I was coming on to say flowers in the attic. Incest, rape and drinking blood. I, and most if my classmates read it at 10.

Let's not forget the murder for cash and religious fundamentalism and slut shaming!

Wallowing in serial killers as a hobby is grim and shows a lack of empathy.

I wonder if this is almost a developmental stage, when the teenage brain has developed enough to wonder about these things but hasn't developed adult level empathy. When I was around this age I devoured true life books about concentration camps and Siberian labour camps. All the Flowers in the Attic stories too. I haven't been the least bit attracted to it ever since. DD I've found watching death row documentaries and reading true life murder stories. Criminology is a fast growing choice at A-level or equivalent. It's not to be encouraged but I think it's not unusual at this age and something she will probably grow out of.

I don't know about the specific book you mention OP. But I think the concentration camp books etc probably did more to help me develop empathy than being banned from them would have done.

I don't share the fascination with true crime that others do, but I really don't think I'd be comfortable giving a 13 year old a lengthy, factual account of horrific child abuse to read through.

@PilesEdgeworth

I don't share the fascination with true crime that others do, but I really don't think I'd be comfortable giving a 13 year old a lengthy, factual account of horrific child abuse to read through.

I think that is the difference. You can say to your 13 year old that, given the choice, this is not a book you would give them. However, they are old enough now to make those decisions for themselves. But if they find themselves having nightmares, intrusive thoughts etc - welcome to talk about it.

The most disturbing thing I've ever read was an A level text. Translated word by word, line by line, every ghastly implication having far too much time to sink in. Empathy at maximum, shields at minimum.

Thanks for all the replies. I feel I ought to read it first if I’m going to let her read it, and as I don’t want to because I find these stories hard to shake off, I won’t mention it again and we can discuss if she asks persistently. She reads very widely so will be enticed. by many other things, fortunately!

I was allowed to read whatever was on our shelves when I was younger and I’m not sure that that was the healthiest choice for me. My kids still talk to me right now so we can still navigate these moments together, thank goodness.