To not have a clue how to make friends any more

[Ceci03]

So, I made a big move to a new city just before lockdown. Talk to work colleagues but haven't made the friendships I might have if I'd been in work every day. Apart from that I chat to football parents at ds football matches. Otherwise I'm pretty much on my own. Children are teenagers now so no dropping off to school. I have tried - I tried to set up a book club in my area, but nobody came, well a couple of 'older ladies' responded but they had so many do's and dont's of when they could and couldnt meet we never actually managed to meet up. I think they were retired so were more free than me. I talk to the next door neighbours a bit, but haven't been invited in, or invited them in. I think people are still nervous of covid. I'm at a loss really. Feeling really really lonely. Do everything on my own at the moment. I have looked for clubs but cant find any - a lot are still online and I find you cant make new friends on those IUKWIM. Can anyone relate

Oh op you sound lovely! Do invite the neighbours round. Start a new thing! It can take a while to change the status quo

No advice but just moved to a new city myself and in the same boat!! Could you do any classes and then try to do an in person study group? Or are there existing hobby groups - like running or any other sports you could join? Any in person volunteering opportunities? It feels like dating again - so time consuming!!

I can relate. I joined a choir. In another city I joined a community theatre company. Both very tight knit and easy to make friends. All in-person. Keep looking for a group activity that is the same group every week so you can build rapport and become part of a community. Good luck!

If you've not done so already then I definitely recommend joining Meetup. Whenever I've moved to a new city I've found this to be the best way to meet new people. Sign up to whatever groups match your interests (book groups, hiking, drinks, craft etc) and see what meet ups they have coming up. Hopefully you'll meet some nice people that way.

Have you tried the app "peanut"? It's like tinder, but for meeting mums instead of dating. I moved to a new city too and found it good to talk to new people. Xx

I think the number one mistake people make here is overthinking this.

It’s easier said than done when you have moved to a new area but so much of this is down to people having unreasonable expectations.

Friendships develop slowly, there are no quick fixes and it takes time. So many people expect things to “click” immediately and then get upset and disheartened when they don’t.

Relax, go out, meet as many people as you can, treat everyone as a potential friend but take nothing for granted. Low expectations and thicken your skin up. Over time it will happen as long as you don’t over-pressurise each interaction.