Another baby... Another child

[JacktomyDaniel]

This might be a ramble and for that I apologise.
All I ever wanted was to be a mum. Child 1 comes along. Massively horrendous emergency section followed by severe PND. Really struggled to bond.
Tried to relive what I'd lost and got pregnant when DS1 was 11mths. Second baby no PND but night and day routine wise. Very much hard work.
Now DC are 5 and 6. Until this year I was adament no more. Too hard, want to give my two all of me, holiday/car practicality etc. However DH now booked for snip early next year and I'm having 2nd thoughts. Definitely a last chance panic. What if this baby is the one I embrace and enjoy every minute of? Similarly what if its a step too far and I crack up 😳
Any advice / wisdom is greatly appreciated

Sorry you had such a bad time - I hope things are easier now.

The last minute panic is totally normal - loads of people get it after they have finished their families or are in the peri-menopause.

Get a kitten instead though - two kids is as many as most people can afford or give enough time to, the age gap will be an A grade pain, it may well be just as bad as last time.. and it is definitely a disaster for the planet..

It sounds like you want a “do over” because you had a difficult birth and baby experience with your two. That’s understandable but it’s not a good reason to have a child, even if the perfect baby experience was guaranteed, which it really isn’t.

I empathise having had PND and a traumatic birth 💐. But having a baby to get the "perfect experience" or ever a better one isn't a good enough reason for me.

For me, you have a baby because you actually want the child. You want three. You want them there day to day for the next 18+ years. As you know well, the pregnancy, birth and newborn stage flies by. Its almost irrelevant to the whole thing in the long run.

Do you want another child? Do you want to go back to babyhood, night feeds, nurseries, weaning etc? Do you want 3 children? Would your existing children do well with a new sibling?

To me, I think it sounds like you're being a bit unrealistic and from what you've said I'm unsure you're thinking of doing it for the right reasons.

Thank you. That's absolutely the reality check I needed. I don't crave a third child but by no means would it be a bad thing. I do crave a baby though and that makes me think it's just hormones and mother nature!!!

I think you're craving the perfect baby - an amazing birth, one you bond with instantly, that sleeps brilliantly - and makes you feel like the perfect mum. But none of that is guaranteed or even likely and none of it would make you the perfect mum anyway. Don't look to another baby to fix you and fix the challenges you faced, be proud that you overcame those challenges, you're already the perfect mum in your kids eyes, you don't need another one to prove it.

I'm not sure there is such a thing as a perfect experience. It's your hormones doing the urging.
All babies are hard and with two already...

I had this dilemma and I got a puppy. Problem solved!!!!!

I am having similar thoughts but mine is age related. It's that 'last chance' thought and what might be.

I think it’s last chance nerves. Also. It’s bollocks enjoy every moment. Every baby will have times when you think they are purposefully torturing you into insanity (in the most loving way ) every baby has a ‘hard stage’ at some point. 3 for me is a game changer. You’ve ran out of hands. You need a bigger car. You need a bigger house maybe…..

Is it another baby/child or is it more about reliving the past?

I get so broody around babies and tiny toddlers and for a fleeting half a second wonder about a 3rd. For me though it's missing the baby stage because it was lovely, especially with my first. I would give anything just to go back in time for a day for those baby snuggles. I absolutely don't want to add to the madness, I struggle with a 4 and 6 year old as it is and I definitely don't want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights.

I had an emotional meltdown when my youngest turned one. I knew I didn't want any more but I was so sad that I wouldn't get to experience it all over again and learn from my mistakes, do things differently.

A vasectomy is very final and it's bound to throw up a lot of emotions even if they aren't rational. Personally I think you would be crazy to consider another and I think you think that too but those hormones and emotions are just getting the better of you. Take time to really think things through and go from there.