Dp and I not talking

[mildredhubble48]

Things haven't been great with dp and I for a while. We got married in July and Im now 20 weeks pregnant. We've been under a lot of stress with family issues, ill health and a house move. As well as spending the last two years at home together during lockdown. I'm not sure when but it feels like we've lost our way with each other a bit. We stopped making effort, we bicker a lot and since I became pregnant my emotions are all over the place anyway.

We rowed last night about something stupid but it got very heated. He came up to bed and we haven't spoken since. He is ignoring me this morning. He's going away with work tomorrow until the weekend and i actually think the break will do us good but I'm quite hurt that he would go off on this sour note. I'm a believer that you don't leave things on a row as you don't know what may happen but at the same time I really feel like he's been a sulky arsehole at the moment and his reaction to the row last night was way over the top.

Do I try to make amends even though I'm not in the wrong or just leave him to stew? I'm feeling really shit about things at the moment. My pregnancy hasn't been the easiest so far and I'm not feeling massively supported by him.

We've been together 5 years.
Yes I approached him and we have spoken. He explained why what I said annoyed him, I told him his reaction was (to my mind) a massive over reaction and we have drawn a line under it. He has apologised for going over the top and I said I wouldn't want him to go off on a row and he said he wouldn't have done that.
Agree with the pp who said they'd grown up with different parenting styles. We are much the same.
I've told him I won't tolerate the sulking, its pathetic and puts the whole house in a terrible atmosphere.

Nice one - good luck

OP,

It has been spelt out to you by a lot of posters that you had better be very careful.

His type of awful behaviour only gets worse if not very firmly challenged.

You thought he was likely to head off with his sulk, because that his what he is like.

He said he wouldn't have.

I believe you.

You again approached him, when he was in the wrong.

He would have left his pregnant wife because that is who he is, a petulant sulker.

This is your life.
Start being very honest with yourself about how much shit you are going to take because it sounds like you have a tough road ahead of you with him.

He is no prize.

Keep your job and your financial independence.

If he continues behaving in this manner you will be very grateful you did.

New mothers are very vulnerable, especially when they are married to petulant, sulking men.

Mind yourself and make sure you reach out for support from friends and family.

@billy1966

OP,

It has been spelt out to you by a lot of posters that you had better be very careful.

His type of awful behaviour only gets worse if not very firmly challenged.

You thought he was likely to head off with his sulk, because that his what he is like.

He said he wouldn't have.

I believe you.

You again approached him, when he was in the wrong.

He would have left his pregnant wife because that is who he is, a petulant sulker.

This is your life.
Start being very honest with yourself about how much shit you are going to take because it sounds like you have a tough road ahead of you with him.

He is no prize.

Keep your job and your financial independence.

If he continues behaving in this manner you will be very grateful you did.

New mothers are very vulnerable, especially when they are married to petulant, sulking men.

Mind yourself and make sure you reach out for support from friends and family.

This in spades. ^

His behaviour sounds dreadful, and I am somewhat sceptical about how he had suddenly gone all 'contrite' when confronted by his wife.

Sorry @mildredhubble48 but men like this, generally do not change. As @billy1966 said, make sure you keep yourself in a position where you can get away, so make sure you have a 'getting away fund.' Because you don't want to be in a position where you have a baby with this man, and you are really vulnerable and penniless. As has been said, abuse (including emotional abuse which you are suffering) is frighteningly common when a woman in pregnant, and when the child(ren) are young.

All the best. Please look after yourself.

I appreciate the comments I genuinely do. However I think most couples go through bad patches and argue, especially given the circumstances of the last year. And it's not uncommon for men to sulk either. I'm not saying that it's ok, he's behaved like an arse but the talk of abuse is unfounded. Things like this don't happen often as I said in pp. If it did then I certainly wouldn't be putting up with it never mind marrying him or having a baby.

I have been in abusive relationships in the past and am not blind to red flags.

Thanks again for the comments and advice.

OP,

Well done for posting this thread.
It is never easy to ask for advice.

If you were my daughter I would be advising you to read the advice, take it on board and tuck it away.

Just take this as you being given a heads up.

Knowledge is power.

You do not have to accept awful behaviour from him, however infrequent.

Having your first baby is a very special time.

His care of you isn't great.

You deserve to be cared for and cherished during this time.

Mind yourself and protect yourself.
Don't hesitate to post again.

@mildredhubble48

I appreciate the comments I genuinely do. However I think most couples go through bad patches and argue, especially given the circumstances of the last year. And it's not uncommon for men to sulk either. I'm not saying that it's ok, he's behaved like an arse but the talk of abuse is unfounded. Things like this don't happen often as I said in pp. If it did then I certainly wouldn't be putting up with it never mind marrying him or having a baby.

I have been in abusive relationships in the past and am not blind to red flags.

Thanks again for the comments and advice.

Not sure why you posted the thread then really.

There's no nice way to say this, but you sound a bit deluded. Good luck ... You will need it.

@LittleDandelionClock well because I was looking for sensible advice and support which I got in the earlier replies.

Not sure what the MN obsession is with trying to convince women that they are being abused and should LTB in every situation. It really does a disservice to those who are genuinely being controlled and abused.

We had a row. He behaved like an arse and sulked. We spoke and he apologised. I would say that's a fairly run of the mill series of events in a lot of relationships. But sure, I'm deluded

Thank you again for all of the helpful replies.