To leave a job 6 months in due to introverted colleagues?

[Nopassionforfashion]

Argh! Please Mumsnet help me with my colleagues!

I joined a new team 6 months ago and most of us have never met in person which probably does play a part. I'm not crazy on the work itself, but could cope if the team and unit spirit was better as quite frankly, there's NONE! I think it's important for me to say all my colleagues are the model professionals and I have no personal dislike or issue with any of them.

Every time there's a unit or team meeting and we're waiting for the facilitator, it's tumbleweed. To the point where it's excruciating - this isn't just me, a couple of others have commented! When meetings do start on time, it's always straight to business with no time to stop and ask how people are, a couple of minutes chit chat which in my mind is how you build a team cohesion and relationships. It doesn't have to be every time but even once a week would be nice!

Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate we're there to work not socialise but this is extreme. My strength is my people skills, and I feel absolutely stifled in this unit and to be honest, a bit lonely. We spend 37 hours a week minimum working and to feel you're working with robots is depressing.

I've suggested virtual team building initiatives, which people enjoyed and I got good feedback for but usual practice has resumed. I just think I've unfortunately found myself working with people who are far more introverted than me (which is fine!) and I stick out like a sore thumb.

The senior manager isn't keen on allowing people to move jobs within 2 years (public sector so i'd be staying in the same organisation), but I just can't bear it and feel my personality is being crushed. WIBU to ask to leave?

If you’re not enjoying it you’re definitely not unreasonable to ask to leave.

I can see how that would be very tough. You spend a lot of time with your colleagues (even if virtually). It doesn't need to be like Wernham Hogg with laugh a minute office capers but would find work without some team cohesion very difficult. I know plenty of people put work in a totally separate mental box from non-work which is fair enough but that sounds extreme even by these standards.

You say your manager isn't keen on moving people and that you are public sector. I have never worked in the public sector so I don't know how that works but dare I say it could you move to the private sector? It would really frustrate me having to sit around waiting to be moved (separate point).

Maybe give it another two or three months before looking around if you're worried about lengh of tenure etc but fundamentally life is too short for somewhere that makes you really unhappy.

On the flip side,.I understand your perspectives, especially the part about asking how each other are and building a bond, but then at least it seems the team is quite productive reminds me of the briefings in the show la femme nikita, very in point and detailed from a business perspective with little team interactions.

It’s been a weird 18 months. Of course you’re not going to get to know your new colleagues if you’re all working from home. Are you likely to be getting back into the office at some point?

What happens if you initiate chat at the beginning of a meeting?

If others have mentioned the feeling then they can't all be happy with the way things are. So you know you have allies.

It is great you got good feedback on something you organised.

What about suggesting .ore ongoing changes rather than one offs? Like find an article that gives an example of the way you'd like things to run and open it up to everyone - I saw this and wondered if we could try it? Always keeping in mind that if people have different styles, you need to accommodate them so no forced jollity or even participation needed. Just say pass if you don't want to contribute etc. Arrange one to ones with people. Basically be the change you want to see... If the work is fine, I would give it another month or so and then start looking around for new areas you like the look/feel of in the new year.

"Asking to leave" is a funny dynamic in itself. There's no law that says you have to stick it out for 2 years, but MN can't speak for what impact it might have with this one senior manager, and how that might in turn impact on your career.

I would be looking at internal vacancies and trying to put yourself out there for new roles, if only internally. Ultimately you still have the same freedom to look elsewhere as everyone else, and if you have another role to go to then you can spin it as a positive.

@Ionlydomassiveones

The conclusion on these threads is usually that introverts are intellectually and morally superior to those that like a bit of non-essential human interaction. But I agree with you. Robots might do a good job but they do nothing to raise morale or team spirit.

Yes someone will be along in a minute to complain about "forced" social interaction and the tyranny of extroverts. Oh, and how wonderful lockdown was because they didn't have to deal with other people.

I think sometimes you just have to be 'that person'. I'm the least outgoing person I know but also feel like as a team it would be nice to chat a bit. So if there's silence and the meeting organiser hasn't turned up I'll speak, ask a question, get people talking. It's cringe, I hate me, everyone else probably hates me but they're all chatting and it's got people talking at least (even if it's about me behind my back 😄)

Seriously tho you might be surprised if you take the initiative

I feel for you because it sounds like a massive mismatch. I mean personally that's my idea of absolute heaven but I can absolutely understand its a bit sould destroying if you benefit from social relationships at work. I'm not sure what the answer is because both sides are in the right. It just sounds unfortunate that you are all together.

I'd be a bit careful about the team building angle. I work in a well functioning team who is actually quite supportive professionally but all of us are very introverted and don't care to discuss personal matters. There's nothing wrong with us as a team , we work very well together and generally like each other. Although to be fair my job is practically designed for an introvert. I will say anyone claiming we weren't a strong team would be politely shut down and reminded of the many times professionally we have pulled together and worked extremely well. We just don't really do personal stuff.

It's really challenging to cater for both those who wish to have more personal relationships at work and those who want to be left alone. Nothing wrong with either group but if it's unbalanced in a team it can make it really dispiriting.

Is there anyone who shows more interaction could you try to link up with a single person who might engage rather than the team as a group?

The trouble is if you push it too far you will get insincerity as they will do it if made to by the bosses but none of it will be genuine. Or more likely they will clam up even harder. They tried to make us have social sessions at one point for mental health apparently, there was more silence than usual because the fastest way to make introverts go even quieter is to insist they engage.

I'd be careful about the wording , I'm really sorry it feels so lonely and I can understand why but dont call people robots , that's a bit unpleasant. I'm very far from a robot but I just don't like sharing my life or small talk with colleagues. It would be incredibly mean to say that about me or my colleagues.

Thanks everyone, I was expecting to get slaughtered but it's reassuring to hear I'm not being unreasonable.

Just to add, I do always make the effort to hold conversations and ask about weekends/Netflix and whilst I get answers, they're short and no one else ever initiates that type of conversation. I keep trying though because I don't want to lose "me"!

I’m introverted and work in a client facing role. I can get a group of people talking and/or laughing together on Teams or in person within minutes.

Are you sure you have people skills?

Otherwise, of course you can leave for whatever reason you want.

I sympathise. I'd hate it - I generally worked in teams with a really outgoing vibe: I loved that but it wouldn't be for everyone.