The switch from play date mum friends to mums nights out

[Mummytheresafatdog]

How did that happen for you, if it has?

I have a large group of ‘Mum friends’

We always all meet together with our kids as in a group play date ,sometimes with partners too. We’ve never gone out, just the mums, drinking, meal etc.
Has this happened in your group, if you have one, and how? Some I’m closer to than others, but would maybe feel a bit awkward perhaps suggesting a night out for us all

Just ask them? Either on a group cha with all of them or ask one you particularly get on with if they think it’s a good idea for you all to go out. The latter option gives you confidence that it’s not a stupid idea before you ask everyone!

*chat

We started by going out for a drink on someone's birthday and sort of took it from there. But there were only 4 of us, not sure how it would work in a large group.

You should also have an idea if they’re people who go out for drinks with other friends. It’s not clear how old the kids are but Those with terrible sleepers, late bedtimes, useless parents may be less keen. It’s also tricky to switch up the conversation. I’m happy to discuss arlo’s potty training at the playground, less so at the pub

Useless partners not parents!

Yes, I’m wondering if the switch can really be made. I mean, our kids are always with us and conversation is about them…wonder how it’d be on a night out without that crutch, as it were. What if we had nothing to talk about 😬

We went out for a Christmas social then it went from there, but a word of caution, mum friends to spend time with in the day can behave a lot differently at night time after a few drinks, the few nights out I’ve had were fucking dreadful and filled with drama, so now I stick to evening socialising with my pre-children friends perhaps I have been unlucky though!

I think it's by doing this kind of thing and spending some time not talking about the DC is where you find out who you can imagine a proper friendship developing with

I found that if someone said something like 'oh DH is away for a couple of nights next week' then it naturally develops into 'oh is that with work, where's he going, what's his job?' Etc and it just develops from there into a more 'adult' conversation (More so when you aren't all distracted by DC and don't get s moment's peace)

Agreed that if there is one or two you get on with more you could sound them out and see what they think? Or even just initially go out with that one or two.
A birthday is a good reason or the obvious one being Christmas. I met some of my now closest friends this way when the DCs were minimal and we spend only a small amount of time discussing the DC these days. Go for it!

@Sunbeams09 Oh god I can imagine that, then does it ruin the daytime meeting up with kids? Don’t know if I cba with that

At DDs secondary school the Year Rep used to arrange Mum morning coffee meets, the occasional Mum night out at a cocktail bar and the annual Mum Christmas meal.
From this a group of us became friends and then slowly it whittled down to being friends with the Mums of DDs best friends.
DD is now 20 and away at Uni but I still regard the Mums of her 2 best friends as very good friends.

I just suggested dinner/drinks.

Just suggest it…in person or if you have a WhatsApp group use that. Literally just say ‘anyone fancy going for dinner/drinks over Christmas’?

Just read the thread. There is a lot of negative feeling about mum friends. I love my nct mums, we go out for dinner monthly and don’t speak about the kids, have had night away. Going for drinks with the school mums this week. Just because we are mums it doesn’t mean we have nothing interesting to say anymore, we just speak about our work, our lives, politics anything!

Why don’t you ask the ones your are closer to first ? If they’re onboard then widen the invite to the rest of the group.
‘X, Y and I thought it might be nice to meet for a drink at the pub, does anyone else fancy it and we can find a date that works for everyone’

I'd just go for it - Christmas is a good excuse. If you extend the invitation to the whole group you'll get a sense of who is interested in this type of socialising.