AIBU to go anyway?

[NotReallyDoneAny]

My partner has had the cold. He was really unwell last week and I WFH all week so that I could look after him. He does a lot around the house as he’s semi-retired so I had my work cut out! Of course I didn’t mind.

On Saturday I started feeling a bit unwell but tried to ignore it. (We’ve both done a number of Covid tests by the way).

Today I feel pretty awful. (Sore throat, cough, hot, very tired).
I’ve got two nights in a hotel booked in my workplace city (Tue & Wed) because I have a very early start on Wed + a late finish.
I booked these about a month ago because I have quite a long commute and Wednesday would be pretty tough going otherwise.

But I’m now wondering if I should cancel. I feel guilty about leaving my partner. He’s still not better, although improved.
But I’m still doing a lot in the house and I don’t think he realises how horrible I’m feeling.

If I still stay in the hotel, I can have a really early night tomorrow and then an easier day on Wednesday, I can even work from the hotel room on Thursday morning (I always WFH on Thur morning) so can have a lie in.

I actually don’t think IABU. I just feel guilty because he’s not well (and that’s very rare).

Erm, you need to test for covid.

Erm, they've both done "a lot of covid tests"

Sorry, I meant to say given today's symptoms.

If you’ve had a -ve PCR then you could but I personally wouldn’t as I think it’s unkind to spread colds around knowingly.

Go.

I can't get over the fact that you were working from home to look after him? Did he have a cold or flu or what?

Did you do a PCR or a LFT? If you do a PCR and it's clear then I would go. If not, I would stay put.

Do a PCR to be on the safe side then go. Why are you looking after your DP? Surely he can look after himself? He has a cold, not ebola!

It might be the cold but fgs its still a cold he'll be fine and you have to remember to look after yourself too!

Lol at Ebola (I mean obviously I wouldn’t lol at Ebola).

I know I’m being ridiculous. But I feel guilty because I’ll be staying in a hotel getting my breakfast made and not having to clean anything or make the bed!

I’ve done LF & PCRs, he’s done PCRs. My symptoms are same as his.

Yes you’re right I probably shouldn’t be spreading it around. It’s going to be very difficult to have Wednesday off work though.

I mean, are you leaving him in charge of seven children under the age of 12, for dogs, two cats, a ferret and a flock of chickens?
If yes, then that might be a little unkind, but if its just himself to look after then go to your hotel and enjoy it... if somewhere in the middle I'll need more details to determine

So to clarify;you're ill yet you're still getting on with it,working,doing housework etc and off to make a journey so you can continue your job but your worried about your DH who has the same symptoms but is a special little soldier who needs looking after and can't possibly be left?

What kind of sexist bullshit am I reading?;jeez he's a grown up;he can crack on and look after himself.

He's only got a cold. I'd go for sure.

I wouldn’t put it quite like that @thenewduchessofhastings

He’s in his mid sixties and has a chronic health condition. He’s also had much worse symptoms than mine. He felt very rough and couldn’t do anything at all for a few days.

Now he can but still not recovered. One of the reasons I WFH was because he would have been on his own for about 14 hours on the days I should have been in the office and I didn’t like the thought of him not being able to get himself a cup of tea.
He’s not in that position now.

Yes I’m being ridiculous. I needed a bit of perspective. (No chickens or children but a couple of dogs!).

Actually I think I might feel guilty because I’m looking forward to it.

And he’s not expecting me to stay at home.

If you are well enough to work Wednesday (don’t you need some time in bed to rest and recover too?) you should defo do the hotel stay to get some rest.

But it sounds like you’re not well enough at all!

I was going to say exactly what thenewduchessofhastings said though

@NotReallyDoneAny

Actually I think I might feel guilty because I’m looking forward to it.

And he’s not expecting me to stay at home.

Ah so you are a martyr

Have you never been away without him?

I have been away without him, a number of times, for work and pleasure.

We’ve only been together 3 years and I think what’s new is that he’s unwell. That hasn’t happened before.

I can’t really see how I’m being a martyr though.

Particularly as I’m 99% sure I’m going to go.

go to the hotel, couple of days peace and quiet, call in sick, relax, catch up on sleep.

I did think of that @ThinWomansBrain
But it’s a big day at work on Wednesday and I would feel guilty for letting people down.
I could possibly take Thursday morning off and stay in bed until checkout!

@thenewduchessofhastings

So to clarify;you're ill yet you're still getting on with it,working,doing housework etc and off to make a journey so you can continue your job but your worried about your DH who has the same symptoms but is a special little soldier who needs looking after and can't possibly be left?

What kind of sexist bullshit am I reading?;jeez he's a grown up;he can crack on and look after himself.

Lol I was thinking this too

Well you could look at it like that.

But I would say, for most of last week I was fine & am lucky to be able to decide to WFH sometimes, so I did , rather than leave my partner by himself for hours on end.

I now have what I assume is the same virus, but not as badly as him. That might be because I am younger and fitter, I don’t know.

I did want to look after him when he was unwell. I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong (or sexist) with that.
He has looked after me when I’ve been unwell.
Should he not do that? Or is it ok because he’s a man?
(And he didn’t have to make arrangements to WFH because he does anyway, although as mentioned he’s semi-retired).

He does the majority of the cooking and chores, but obviously could not do those last week, so I did everything.

I am feeling a bit worn out now, hence looking forward to a couple of nights of not doing that stuff.

I said earlier on I was probably being ridiculous but the desperation to portray me as a downtrodden/ martyred / submissive ‘wife’ is ridiculous.

I’ve never been married and am financially independent. I just wanted to care for someone that I love.

You are totally ridiculous. I can’t believe you are going to spread your severe cold that’s apparently laid him so low around everyone else regardless of whether they have commitments children vulnerable relatives etc without any thought for anyone else except your pathetic DH.

Please don't spread your horrid cold to a different location...

I agree about the not spreading it. I’m going to speak to my team tomorrow and see how we can manage Wednesday differently.

Why my partner is ‘pathetic’ I have no idea.

But I’m not really interested in your opinion of someone you’ve never met and that I wasn’t asking about.

My question was about me. And I think I was being unreasonable.