To ask for your advice

[therellbenobutterinhell]

I am nineteen years old, at a very good university, doing a subject which I have adored my whole life. I speak about the future with my friends, they all have grand plans for great careers but it isn't what I'd like at all. There's nothing I'd like to do than have lots of children and be a stay-at-home mum.

It's silly because I know we're not in the 1800s, I should aspire to do more... Nothing really interests me, except perhaps primary teaching. My family couldn't care less what I do.

I'd just like someone to speak some sense into me. I ought to aspire towards more but how do people become passionate about something like a job?

Ask your university of you could have a careers guidance appointment, they should have a level 6 practitioner for you to speak to.

In the days when marriage was almost the only means of achieving economic security for a female, Charlotte Lucas ended up with Mr Collins.
Is that the life you want?

Oh and, as other threads may have discussed, we are in the era of assortative mating. Become a primary school teacher and you will probably marry a primary school teacher, and you won’t be able to afford a house and children unless you both work.
Sorry to be negative.
People who advise you how to find a lucrative career you won’t want to give up are what you need, so the first piece of advice here is good.

I did t have a clue what I wanted to do at 19. Certainly wasn’t passionate about a career. I ended up in corporate law which suited me brilliantly. You don’t actually have to feel fist-pumpingly passionate about your career, you just have to turn up every day and do it. Pick something that pays well and enjoy the freedom that gives you.

Nothing wrong with being a SAHM but you will have to find someone who is able and happy to support you, which won’t necessarily be easy.

I honestly think that you just need to start in something, anything and work hard at it. I only found out that I was good a certain things (e.g. getting the best out of people by communicating well) once in a job. I also found out that the vast majority of people who do well in jobs are due to a few key items:

1. They turn up and do their job, as advertised and don't slack off. I don't mean 14 hour days, just 'doing their job'.
2. They are solution focussed and don't sit and moan or 'oh woe is me' constantly.
3. They're friendly, professional and enthusiastic in outlook.

Good luck and don't worry.

Why are you running up debt to finance a university degree if you really only want to have a family ? I would honestly cut your losses and get a job as a nursery assistant or something working closely with children.

You will either be confirmed in your choice of how you want to spend your life. Or you will realise that you would value the way a degree would open up opportunities for your life and go for them.

Whatever you do, don't just drift through doing a degree.

You don’t need to know what you want to do with your life yet and there’s certainly nothing wrong with becoming a teacher. See how you get on with one child before planning for a massive family though! It’s harder than it looks

This whole find your passion rubbish that gets peddled irritates me.

Nothing work related interests or "moves me".
I dont care about my job or company or career per se. I am not changing the world and all my jobs are/were pretty pointless tbh. BUT i do care about having and living a good life - my work facilitates that

I went to work in a random grad office job and as per @Bigfathairyones advice got my head down and got on

The reasons i focused on excelling in my career are it gave me a better life.

working with bright talented pleasant people is infinitely preferable to tolerating mean bullying, petty or just plain moronic coworkers which i did for 5 years and was frankly soul destroying.

I like having flexible hours vs a rigid 9-5 where i have to explain myself if i go to bathroom for more than 5 mins.

I enjoy the very nice lifestyle (house, clothes, holidays, experiences) that my high salary affords me.

I enjoy that my employer pays me full salary for 6 months every time i go on mat leave and gives baby bonuses and subsidises child related costs (all those babies are expensive!!!)

I'd keep the SAHM option as a plan B

Motherhood is a fine ambition, but it’s not guaranteed and children are expensive littles monsters. Find a way to earn some money, security and a nice home are steps towards your goal.

What's the rush to make a decision? You are only 19 and have plenty of time to look at all your options.

I was exactly the same as you. I did my degree dutifully - and had I followed through, I probably could have had a very interesting career (though maybe not well paid, due to the nature of the industry).
But by the time I graduated all I really wanted was to settle down. I met DH, thankfully he had a better career than me; within five years of graduating I was married and pregnant.
I loved every minute of motherhood, and have no regrets whatsoever about having them early; I gave my all and have two really well balanced, happy kids.
But now they're late teens, I am feeling that I have a long time left to work and regret that the kind of low-level jobs I'm experienced to do are not very fulfilling for what might be another 20 years.

Money makes life easier as others have said. What I failed to realise early enough was how important status is.
Finding a man who can support you and several children, and who treats you as an equal will not be easy. What is your plan for achieving it?

I don't think many people end up doing what they planned to do at 19. Whilst being a stay at home mum may sound attractive now, how are you going to support yourself in the meantime? You'll have to get a job regardless. So just start somewhere - graduate scheme, teaching, whatever you want. You may love it or you may hate it but it's a start. Then take it from there - don't plan your whole life now at 19!

Get your degree now, before you have kids. I think it’s easier this way round than coming back to uni once you’ve had all the kids.

...when you, like a pp, decide after your kids are grown that you want to go back to work but have limited options available.

I had a friend the same as you. Took unskilled work while waiting for the husband and kids while the rest of us went to uni/took on apprenticeships etc sadly she didnt happen to meet anyone until she was in her 40s and unfortunately she wasnt able to have children. Dont put your life on hold waiting to be a sahm mum and wife

What's this subject you have adored?
Can you do something with that?
Don't follow the money - go for something you are truly passionate, about.
Having children can be miserable at times. Very isolating as a sahm. Joyous too - but then they're off. Discover yourself first and be sure about who you are before you become mum.

I like your user name, OP.

I never found something I was passionate about.

If you want a family though try and get a job that is family friendly - pays well, options to work from home, 9-5 with no shifts, not high stress, not much travel etc. Because all this means logistically it is tricky to have a family. I know plenty of people who chose a job they were passionate about e.g. in entertainment or healthcare and then found it really grated never having weekends with their kids because of shifts for example

Even if you end up being a stay at home parent, you never know what's going to happen. Your (future, hypothetical) husband could leave you, or get ill, or get made redundant or anything and if you've not built any career at all before having kids it will be a lot more difficult later on

I meant to add that l like my job, I put in my skills into a computer program at the uni career advice place (there are probably a million versions on the internet now) and it suggested a sector, I applied and was successful...its a job where I have to know a little bit about a lot of things which keeps things interesting but overall it's good benefits, low stress, good money and now I'm older I'd take these things over other things like 'following my dreams' or 'making a difference' or 'being creative' or 'making as much money as possible' etc...when you're half way through your career suddenly stuff like pension provision seems a lot more important!

Also you might hate the reality of being a SAHP. Many people do...always have a back up

There's a absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM.

However, life doesn't always give us what we want and there's so much to consider other than just that.

You may not meet a partner
You may struggle to conceive
Even if you go it alone you still have to consider the cost
How close are you to finishing the course? Cost of same?
How will you contribute to housing, clothing, the expensive of life?
What about indepence? Do you seek that?

It's quiet possible you might get everything you want in life but naive not to have a plan B.

@teaandbiscuitspleaseplease

Motherhood is a fine ambition, but it’s not guaranteed and children are expensive littles monsters. Find a way to earn some money, security and a nice home are steps towards your goal.

This.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a mum and not having any career ambitions.

I'll be honest, for 99% the "ideal" career doesn't exist. What happens is you learn what you're good at, what you're not good at and if you persist and a bit lucky then you'll find yourself in a roll that plays to your strengths, with people you like and respect. If you're reallllly lucky, it'll be to do with something you can care about.

Your strengths and being with a team which values you will bring you satisfaction and enjoyment.

If your ambition is to be a mum, then think practically. Look for careers that play to your strengths but in which you can find a family-friendly position.

Prospects.ac.uk has a great careers quiz which is actually very good at matching careers to your personality and skills.

It's not silly at all. You should aspire to do what you want to do.
What I would say though is who you have children with may not be in the position to support you as a SAHM. Until you find the person you want to settle down with and have children, make sure you look your money. If you are employed in the field you're studying could you save money, have a career break, work PT if leaving isn't realistic?
Having some money behind you is crucial. Save where you can. The earlier you start, the better. It always helps.