How to deal with really grumpy difficult mother

[TheFuckingDogs]

We live next door to my parents who are now in their early 70s.
My dad is great, really sweet, lovely grandpa to my DC no problems there.
My mum is becoming increasingly difficult as she ages. She has numerous health conditions and is definitely in actual pain however her attitude over the past few years has become unbearable. Rude, constant negativity, never happy, often horrible to my poor dad but also very reliant on him.

I just can’t deal with how awful and unpleasant she is all the time but she obviously lives so close that it’s hard to not see her.

How do other mumsnetters deal with ageing difficult parents who live very close by? I can’t be the only one! I just want to know I’m not the only one who feels like this! I also feel really guilty for finding her so draining 😬

I could almost have written this - except I don't live close to my parents.

My mum is HORRIBLE. Always negative and rude and nasty to my dad and to me. She also has heath conditions, so I feel very sorry for her, but also don't want to put up with her nastiness. Covid has stopped us from visiting for 2 years and it's honestly been a blessed relief.

No advice, but sympathy and solidarity. I'd be very interested to see what other people have to say.

If your mother is in actual pain is it possible to get her medication reviewed... living with constant pain is bound to make her hard work. Have you considered that there might be dementia in the mix? Which can certainly cause excessive grumpiness?

At the end of the day you can live next door and not see her. I don't see my neighbours very often. That is certainly a choice though. Can you invite your dad over to you more often? Gives him a break too? Elderly parents are very difficult. Both my grandmother and my MIL were very difficult in their latter years - however both had illnesses that caused/added to issues. Didn't make them any easier to handle knowing this though!

Take care - its a tough one.

Thanks so much both of you. These responses have made me feel a bit more positive and some good food for thought.