To be finding adult friendship.group a little confusing....perspective please.

[Mondaymindy]

So dh and I live in a socially active small cimmunity.
We and another couple socilaised regulary .. drinks at each others houses,meals, social gatherings and things like plays. One couole also.did minimal.bits with others ,but in the main it was taken as read that if it was a meal or drinks , naturally all would be invited.The dh of the group.mixed a little innaddition and the dw did often just women .
A couple has moved in and they are very sociable and have got to kmow many people
They invited one couple of the group our a lot.and set up own evenings.out.
In addtion , for things like meals ,they invite a second couple which is me and dh.
The third couple in our long established group has not been invited.

It comes to light that the dw of that couple has been really upset.about this .

I think that it is the combo of the very.social couple organizing.things and they naturally bump into the other 2 couples more.
Myself and the third dw are more prone to arrnaging dw get togethers and the new woman to the area.only socilises with her dh so maybe she is less likely to invite the dw who.also likes ladies events.
It transpires that the dw in tge original group is upset and hears people saying wasnt it a good .night etc. It seems to have shifted from thw original group.to a.new group before i realised.
I wd naturally invite.everyone but i cant always.fit.in 8 for.a.meal.at my home, etc and ive never come accross this before as an adult.
I want to include the l.dw who was / is part of the group.
I think.next time we go to.the pub etc i will just text her and say we are all.going .. i dont think its deleberate to leave her out..i cant control what others do but i guess i can start to do events of my own to include and see if the new dw gets the message( she does say things like she wants to invite ' the group" round but to her that means me and dh , the other cple and not this other friend and dh as a norm.)
My friend from the original group does loads with the.new couple as have similar lifestyles. She really does not appear to kmow.that the original.dw is upset. Apart from extending invites to her as much as i can, should to talk.to my fri.end and let her gentlyknow that the other is upset? Dh thinks its for the upset person to say ..
Never dealt with anything like this before and dont want to make it worse/ cause any upset.

I am.not saying thr new couple have done anyrhing wrong amd they are lovely.
Its more that the group dynamics have changed and I have an upset friend... and i am.unsure how to help.

Stay friends with them all and keep out of any childish little disputes about who gets asked where and when

I dont think anyone is being child ish tho.
One dw.is feeling left.out. i kmow that the new people are lovely and can choose who to.mix with- of course. BUT
I just feel for the dw who feels sad that she seems not to be considered as a part of a newly formed sort of group.
Maybe i am.overthinking it .

I fully intend to stay frie ds with all , all great people.Guess some mixs are more natural than others..
Its more about how to include the person really.

I think you need to do as you suggested and arrange events involving all 4 couples, or all 4 women. If you keep doing that, hopefully the new couple will get to know the couple who feel left out better and start to include them too.

I don’t think you can do anything other than that, unless there are situation where you’re invited somewhere (not a home) and could casually say “oh, shall I invite [left out wife/couple] too? She/they always likes it when we do this sort of thing”

Suggest to invite the others is probably just been overlooked

This was really confusing to read, sorry, because of so many couples and you didn't mention the 3rd (left out) couple at all until half way through!

I would:

• Continue inviting left-out-couple when you organise anything yourself.
• Maybe speak to wife of other-original-couple and say left-out-wife feels left out and encourage her to invite them to all joint events they host
• tell left out wife to organise events herself if she wants to attend things and not just wait for an invitation
• Say nothing to new couple. You can't tell them who to be friends with or who forms part of 'the group.'

If everyone does the first three things they may naturally work out that you are all friends and start inviting left-out-couple however they might just never get on as well or have as much in common with them so might never invite them to everything, and you can't make or even encourage them, and left out wife should be adult enough to understand that.

It all sounds like a lot of hard work to me! We have various friendship groups who all go out together on occasion but sometimes it might be just me and one or two other friends from the friendship group. No one gets worked up about being left out etc it's not always easy to organise 5 people to be free on the same date and some don't always enjoy the same things hence know not to invite, or mention it to them knowing it's not their bag etc
I'd chill a bit.

What I’ve got from this is:

• Two of the most sociable couples are arranging most events
• One if these is the ‘new’ couple and one the existing couple
• You and other couple do less organising, or female-only events, therefore you’re being drawn into the ‘new group’ which has inadvertently excluded one woman/couple who is least sociable.

In this scenario you can only do more organising yourself, and suggest the other woman gets to know the new people a bit better. That’s it.

Otherwise stay out of it!

Your OP is super-confusing. Assuming I’m reading it right, just make sure that you carry on inviting everyone to events you organise. The new couple are allowed not to like everyone you like.