Pregnancy-AIBU

[CanadaFall]

Just trying to work out if I’m being unreasonable or overly hormonal and would welcome any views….

Currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first baby. For various reasons we haven’t ‘announced’ the pregnancy on social media. On a personal level, I find gender reveals and flashy announcements a bit tacky- no offence to anyone who does this but it just wasn’t us. Equally, all pregnancies still carry risks beyond 12 weeks and to me it would be hard enough dealing with a loss or any difficulties without the added awkwardness of explaining it over and over and dealing with inevitable questions from everyone and their dog! We told our families and close friends at 14 weeks and everyone was over the moon. To be clear….I don’t mind people knowing as such I just didn’t want to go out my way broadcasting it to everyone outwith our close circle.

Fast forward to the past few weeks and I’ve had the odd random text from people who clearly know about the baby but aren’t explicitly saying anything. It comes across as ‘fishing’ for info and it’s really annoyed me. I feel like I’m having to justify my personal news and tell people by being put on the spot. Often people who I haven’t spoken to in a long time.

Example: text from an old mate who I haven’t spoken to or seen since before lockdown “we must meet up in January and catch up….” (Due date is January) Sent when I knew they were with a friend who knew about the baby. Is it just me who finds it annoying? Surely it’s in far better taste to just text and say “heard your news, congratulations” 🥴

Another example from another mate who does know about the baby but sends “how’s the pregnancy going? Have you been for anymore scans?” Sent after I’d had to have some extra growth scans. They’d clearly been told by another friend about this and again, fishing for info.

As I said, I don’t mind people knowing and if I bump into people I’m happy to tell them and chat about the baby. Afterall, you get to this stage you can’t exactly hide it!! But AIBU about the way nosy people go about things? And what do I say back to friend no 1 in the first example?

You're being over sensitive. Waaaay over sensitive.

I think this thread is going in a funny direction.

A few things to consider. I said I’ve no problem people knowing about the pregnancy that’s inevitable. To those who are saying are people allowed to acknowledge the baby when it’s here, yes. I have every intention of telling everyone when he or she is safely here. I was aiming to keep it as private as possible amongst CLOSE friends as best I could until the birth.

The people who are messaging aren’t close to me. It’s not the fact they know or they don’t. I couldn’t care either way if they know through other people I’m just choosing not to broadcast it myself. It’s the MANNER that they’re going about it that’s annoyed me.

You're being over-sensitive. They are hoping you mention it so they can say congratulations. It's reasonably polite of them rather than intrusive.

I'm also 33 weeks and haven't publicly announced. When someone texts, I mention the baby if at all relevant because it would be weird to keep it a secret.

So reply- Yes, a catch up in the New Years sounds great.

It could be Feb/March then, and they're Unlikely to follow through with planning a date.

I agree you're just finding any reason to be annoyed. Don't reply if it's bothering you that much, problem solved. People are just checking how you are and probably excited for you. Growth scans are beyond common, so no need to be annoyed about someone asking about those either. I'd put it down to hormones and being easily irritable at this stage, as I can't see anything about this that is worth being worked up about.

@CanadaFall - it is clear that it's the manner of how they message that you don't like. That's exactly what people are describing as you being over-sensitive. You have decided people are "nosy" rather than that they contact you to be nice; actually it's just words and the bad motives are all impugned by you. If you accept kindness at face value rather than being needlessly judgemental over trivial word usage then you'll be a bit happier going through life.

Do try not to suddenly develop "real-world privacy concerns" as the thread isn't going how you want, it's annoying when posters do that.

@CanadaFall

I think this thread is going in a funny direction.

A few things to consider. I said I’ve no problem people knowing about the pregnancy that’s inevitable. To those who are saying are people allowed to acknowledge the baby when it’s here, yes. I have every intention of telling everyone when he or she is safely here. I was aiming to keep it as private as possible amongst CLOSE friends as best I could until the birth.

The people who are messaging aren’t close to me. It’s not the fact they know or they don’t. I couldn’t care either way if they know through other people I’m just choosing not to broadcast it myself. It’s the MANNER that they’re going about it that’s annoyed me.

Yes, that would annoy me too. Like you say, it's not about the pregnancy, it's the "I want to ask you something but I know you haven't told me and we're not close so I'm going to do it in this roundabout way instead".

Just say "Hi, who is this please?"

It's kind of an awkward situation all round tbh I'd feel a bit awkward knowing but not having been told by you so I might try and give you the opportunity to tell me yourself before talking about it.

If I was you I'd reply to friend 1 "I'm actually having a baby in January, we haven't told many people though, maybe we could catch up in February and you can meet our little one! :) "