I have a friend. I’ll call her Amy for the purposes of this. I met Amy around 7 years ago at work, we never really had reason to speak until we became pregnant at almost the exact same time 4 years ago. We began to spark up conversation when we bumped into each other in the breakout room and when we were due on maternity leave we swapped numbers and said we would meet for play dates when the babies had arrived.
Amy and I had (neither of us have returned to work there) a very hectic work schedule with terrible work/life balance so neither of us were able to attend any antenatal classes and as such we ended up clinging to each other a bit, we spoke daily until we had both given birth and continued that afterwards, messaging for some company during 3am feed kind of thing. I genuinely at this point thought Amy and I would be friends for life, we have loads in common I and felt so grateful to have someone to share those special bits of motherhood nobody else seems to get unless they’re going through it. We met almost daily during maternity leave and weekly after we returned to work. However, our children are now almost 4 and I have spent the past year questioning whether I am an AH for not wanting to be her friend as much.
Amy struggles with her mental health and I have been extremely supportive of that throughout her friendship, we have had many in depth conversations about it and I have been nothing but understanding and reassuring. I myself have struggled and let me tell you - I get it! I am lucky enough that when I am having a bad period it’s just that… a period. I suffer terribly and eventually pull myself out of it. But Amy just can’t and I know that’s not her fault but for the 4+ years we have been speaking nothing seems to have improved and I am growing weary. She never has anything nice to say about anything or anyone and only wants to talk about herself (as a default - she will occasionally ask about things going on with me but it feels forced - like she asked her phone to remind her). We also have incredibly different backgrounds, she comes from money and I do not. She comes from stability and I do not, but she is always complaining about how her parents don’t do enough or a lack of money (when we are on the breadline with no grandparents either side). We are going round the same drains we were 4 years ago but no effort has been made to make a change. Don’t get me wrong though, she is a nice and kind person. If I am in a situation she will help me out where she can and offer support. So it works both ways when I need it to, I just don’t need to it 24/7 like she does. I just find her negativity very draining and it is making me feel crap. She’s not “fanning my flames” as it were.
Anyway, I’ve also noticed she’s very bitter about other people. She literally cannot celebrate someone without saying something like “yeah but I bet her marriage is failing”, “she looks nice but it’s all Botox” etc. etc. when she sees someone doing well. It’s obviously because of her own insecurities. It is just draining.
I’m getting my ramble on now. TLDR: Am I being unreasonable to want to move away from this relationship because we shared an extremely close period of time and she’s been good to me… are we just friends because we have boys the same age?
OR - she’s sucking the life out of you go find new friends
And if the latter - how the f do I do that without being horrible?! We speak almost every day and meet up every Tuesday. How do I stop that? Sounds more difficult than weaning DS1 