To expect DH to be apologetic/grateful?

[Gingenius]

We’re having our kitchen ripped out next week and the ceilings have been freshly plastered so this weekend is our only opportunity to paint the ceilings before the new kitchen is fitted. I’ve said this a few times to DH and got a few non committal grunts from him so I knew he wasn’t keen, but as I said to him I can think of better ways to spend a Saturday too. - it’s just one of those things that has to be done. I arranged for Parents to take the kids for the day so we could crack on. DH has been in a foul mood said he was too tired and spent all day in the bedroom and didn’t help me at all. I was seething but I guess fair enough he has a busy job and is often tired at the weekends. Now that I’ve picked the kids up and cleaned up the kitchen a bit we need to cook tea: asked DH to do it cos I’m knackered. He’s reluctantly putting some chips in the oven and is giving me the silent treatment. I was expecting him to gush about what a great job I’ve done with the painting and offer to cook me a lovely meal. I’m so disappointed but AIBU?

What a waster.

Mind yourself OP.

Life is very tedious with a selfish man.

Sort that contraception.

Charge him for the paintwork...

So your parents contributed more than he did?

He sounds an absolutely dreadful person.

I hope you have finished the painting and get a day off tomorrow, and have a large glass of wine on the go at the moment.

Aren’t we all knackered on a weekend. I’m assuming your 2 “free days” are days busy with the kids anyway.

In this case putting a bunch of great music on blast and getting stuck in together and you could have best and it feels much less like hard work. I’d be fuming OP

@Gingenius

Thanks everyone, was actually thinking people might offer an alternative view of the situation but it seems pretty unanimous. I would confront him about it but I can’t be arsed and I’ve got painting to get on with… will save it up for another day.

Will you, though? Or will you just sweep it under the carpet?

After dinner, I’d be asking to talk to him, and asking him to explain what happened today, and why you’re getting the silent treatment.

Otherwise he’s:

1. Opting out of mutual household stuff that needs to be done.
2. Opting out of stepping up at dinner time to make up for it.
3. Sulking and giving you the silent treatment.
4. Getting away with all of that, meaning he’ll just do it again the next time he doesn’t want to do something.

There is absolutely no way I wouldn’t be arsed to talk to him about it. I would be too seethingly angry to ignore it.

Don't save it up. Discuss it while it's current.

God, I've been on here too long.

I used to try and see these things from both sides, offer constructive suggestions.

Now, I just want to hunt these entitled misogynistic idle bastards men down and kick 'em in the bollocks.

They piss me off. Not a one of them appreciates the good woman they've got in their lives. Scumbags.

To be honest, OP - reading that you ‘can’t be arsed to have it out with him, and you’ll save it up for another day’ is more infuriating to read than your husband’s shit behaviour.

And - at the risk of completely and utterly victim-blaming - makes it pretty clear why he does this.

People treat you as well, or as badly, as you allow them to. I know I will get slammed for this, but IME it’s stone, cold true.

Wow.

Painting your kitchen ceiling is probably a once a decade or more job;it's not as though you do DIY every weekend.You've even set up the day eg kids being at grandparents so that you can simply crack on which is wise however your DH has decided working 2 more days than you each week means he can be a massive lazy twat.

How dare you expect him to help in his own home OP;did you not know you should have got the painting done on one of your days off whilst he was working and then have the kitchen sparkling afterwards and had a hot meal and a cuppa awaiting his return from work and then massaged the poor baby's tired hard working feet?

Your kids are aged 2,5 and 25+ from the sound of it.

@TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting

God, I've been on here too long.

I used to try and see these things from both sides, offer constructive suggestions.

Now, I just want to hunt these entitled misogynistic idle bastards men down and kick 'em in the bollocks.

They piss me off. Not a one of them appreciates the good woman they've got in their lives. Scumbags.

Same.

I wonder how they’d survive if they had to live on their own? Of course they would though because they only do this sort of lazy misogynistic shit when they know there’s a woman there to pick up the pieces.

Don't put it off for another day. Strike while the iron is hot.

He is behaving like a wanker. Tell him so, and tell him that it is very childish and unattractive. Remind him bluntly that he lives in this house too and should behave like part of a proper team

He’s an arse, isn’t he? DIY on a weekend when you work and have kids is no one’s idea of party time, but you just get the fuck on with it cos you’re adults. We’re priming the shit out of woodwork tonight and DP’s been grumbling about the prospect all day but in a “comedy curmudgeon” way – he’s also in the kitchen right now clearing up the toddler tea horror show and making gnocchi, then he’ll come and get his paint tins and orders from me and try to knock it on the head quickly so we can have some wine and tick it off the list.

Have you still got some paint? When your kitchen is ripped out you can paint “DP name is a lazy wanker” on the walls before the new cupboards cover it up.

So apparently he’s not sulking or giving me the silent treatment he’s just extremely tired 🤔 maybe he’ll test positive tomorrow and I’ll feel like a bitch! Actually please don’t test positive as then I’d have to cancel my kitchen gutters . Here’s hoping that it’s just a serious case of man child. 🤞🏻

*fitters

Is this a one off r does he often opt out?

@pinkfondu it has happened before. In his defence he used to have a medical condition that made him very tired and he just couldn’t do any family stuff at weekends. but he’s been in remission for a few years now and now has energy to do things he wants to do at the weekend so if don’t think that was the issue….