Does your 5 yo still have tantrums (assuming no SEN)?

[wouldthatbeworse]

Mine does. Although have always wondered if she may have ASD.
Today she asked me to make a small ‘starter’ opening in a packet so she could open it. I accidentally opened it all the way. She then refused to eat the contents insisting on a new packet. I said no, offered to put in a bowl, etc. She then became so entrenched in her silly position that it turned into a full tantrum to the point she could hardly talk/ was breathing in gulps. Then DH saw how upset she was and agreed to the new packet as long as she ate the open ones tomorrow.

We have these mega tantrums 3-4 times a month, maybe more. Is this normal? Bad parenting? Only interesting as part of a wider pattern of behaviour? Thanks

Will post again later, but yes.

My niece aged 5 no SEN but a very determined nature throws raging tantrums.

My daughter still has tantrums like that, sometimes with similar petty causes, and she will be nine in January! She gets incredibly angry sometimes. My son stopped having tantrums by the time he was about 3.

Then DH saw how upset she was and agreed to the new packet as long as she ate the open ones tomorrow.

Does she always get her own way eventually, once she is visibly upset? It needs to stay no, if it's no at the beginning. If it's yes, it's yes straight away, not yes after screaming.

Sorry if that sounds harsh/judgy, it isn't meant to.

Yes, sometimes. Not as often as 3-4 times a month but sometimes. 5 is still quite young and the getting entrenched in a ridiculous position and then not wanting to back down isn't that unusual I don't think.

DS is also 5 and it is very rare he has a tantrum that ended in heavy tears etc but when he does it is always in a situation just like you describe over something just as inconsequential.

Mine does...I think he is just very tired though rather than being ND (summer born boy in year 1 at quite a strict school, and in afterschool club till 5.15 most days).

He has had a lovely day today/behaved very well - but he has just stayed home in pjs and played lego/on my laptop/watched a bit of tv. (I think sometimes DC just need to rest like we do on a weekend)

Ime from working in childcare, most 5 year olds don't, some 5 year olds do.

It's like with anything, they mature at different rates. Some 5 year olds are still struggling with their big emotions, others have a little more grasp on them (although often that just means tantrums are replaced with stroppy behaviour!).

Your DH undermining you won't have helped though.

@LaTomatina DH’s take on it was that all 4 of us were miserable and it was better to end it and salvage the afternoon. Personally I would have held my ground as we are at home with nothing better going on. But I do understand his point

My 9 year old still has them! She is very sensitive and highly strung. She had them quite frequently at 5 but they have lessened as she got older.

Yes, no SEN but 5 is very young and they are still learning to deal with their emotions at this age.

Interesting feedback. Thank you. Although she’s quite academic DD always seems young for her age both emotionally and when it comes to physical things e.g bikes

Yes. Mine is a perfect angel at school, but has at least 1 horrible tantrum a day at home. She's generally quite demanding, yet very clever and emotionally intelligent. Does my head in with the screaming though.

Ime from working in childcare, most 5 year olds don't, some 5 year olds do.

Mine never does at school, but does easily as often as yours at home. Elder one was the same.

My 5 year old does. They kind of come and go in bursts, they really ramped up when he started nursery at 4 and then got way better, but have now ramped up again since he started school which I'm taking as a sign he is tired and has used up his calm behaviour reserves at school. His are less frequent than you describe but also worse as he will sometimes hit and break things.

I think that’s normal? My 7 year old still does, he doesn’t at school though as it’s known that children usually behave different for their parents

Dd is 6 next month and sometimes has a tantrum when she's tired.
I usually ignore her when she's on one.
They NEVER happen at school always at home 🤔

This is reassuring me a bit because my 3.5 year old has been having them constantly for a year and it’s really getting me down as I expected her to have grown out of them by now. I’m half reassured that she’s not unusual to still be having them abs half terrified they’ll last till she’s 5!

My 5yo doesn't often have angry "give me what I want right now" tantrums, but he does cry A LOT 🙄 I think most 5yos still get overwhelmed occasionally, I wouldn't think too much about it if it's less than once a week (and if there's nothing else particularly worrying you about her)

My 8yo is actually more like you describe- often you can see that he's realised he's over reacted to something, but he's really proud and finds it very hard to climb down (but at age 8 this manifests as mega sulking rather than tantrums) But tbf, I'm 43 and I'm still a bit like this myself....

Yes...it's usually when she's vvv tried after school. Luckily not too regular as can see now if getting tried or hungry and deal with that first. I know most of the five year olds I know have them but again it's when tried. Alot less than a 2 or 3 year old.. hoping by six DD outgrown it

@ParkheadParadise. Never at school here too..was told it because they feel safe at home. I know it's only when tried or hungry so easy to manage.

My 5 year old never does. But he’s a sulker so if he’s annoyed/upset he just goes quiet, sometimes the quivering lip comes out. My 2 year old I’m expecting to have full on dramatics when he’s bigger. He needs everyone to know how unhappy he is, just a different character.

My DD is autistic and 6. Often it is obscenely daft things like this that trigger something but it's usually the trigger point with an underlying issue that's a bit more complex. Ie she often comes home from school and something daft sets her off but that isn't the issue at all, the issue is something went wrong at school.

Took me a while to figure it out. Hers are definitely meltdowns rather than tantrums.

I ride it out and then when she's calm we piece it together together

If a tantrum gets her what she wants (in this case a new packet) then she will probably continue this technique for years to come.

That sounds exactly like my 5 yr old! I could’ve told a nearly identical story.
Tbh I often didn’t stand my ground, I was more of your RP’s mindset. She’s 6.5 now and she hasn’t done it in ages. She has finally grown a better ability to express herself and regulate emotions. Bright girl, pleasant and no sen… just took a while on the tantrums. She’s growing up into a pleasant girl. Thinking back I think one of her sisters was also like this, you’d never guess now she ever screamed at anyone!

Your partner giving in-that, right there, is why she’s still having tantrums.
You need to stand your ground and hold a united front. What she’s learning now is if she stamps her feet and screams enough, you’ll eventually give in.