Telling an 8 year old the truth about Father Christmas

[Dervel]

We are in a shared care scenario: we alternate Christmas every year, and it’s my turn this year. DC very much was a believer, and looking forward to probably one of the “last” occasions a belief in Father Christmas and the magic of it would bring the holiday alive for DC. Ex has now told DC the truth. AIBU for being furious at this? It feels very mean spirited, like why now, and not two months after the fact?

For background ex and I are not getting on atm, so I maybe am projecting general frustrations onto this situation.

Maybe they asked and ex didn’t want to lie?

If it was out of the blue and he asked no questions or anything, it does sound very mean spirited. But if he directly asked or wanted to discuss it I think it's ok.

It does seem like an odd time to bring it up.

Are you sure that it wasn’t your dc asking questions/making comments that lead to this? My middle child (very much a believer, with an older sibling (with SN) who still firmly believed) was wavering at 8, and by Christmas was totally sure it wasn’t real.

My youngest is now 9, and while firmly proclaiming to believe in the magic, I am fairly sure he doesn’t.

The best you can do now is to talk about how Christmas is still magical and fun, and how sometimes the best magic is made by enjoying other people’s enjoyment.

No was very much still 100% a believer, was talking about letters to Father Christmas prior to this etc, there often seems to be drama for us over the holidays. We had an incident about 4 years ago where ex got DC coal. I really do despair sometimes…

Honestly, a neurotypical 8 year old does not genuinely believe in Santa anymore. They may say that they do because they like the to go along with the magic of it all and they also might think they won't get as many presents. I can remember pretending to still believe at age 7 because I still wanted to put the carrot etc out for the reindeer. But deep down I knew he wasn't real and so will your DC. It doesn't matter. Just carry on regardless and do whatever you normally do. It's still magical.

My dad told me this out of the blue one Christmas Eve when I queried the sleeping arrangements and would Father Christmas know where to leave the stockings. I was about 8. Maybe 7.5. I did still believe.

He said well surely you know Father Christmas isn’t real. I was gutted. Never really forgiven him. My mum was cross too. It’s was typical insensitive selfishness from him.

How does it matter. My just turned 6 year old who is very very very excited for Christmas doesn’t believe in Santa. When I asked him why not he says he doesn’t think it’s possible for any person to enter all the houses of all the children in the whole world in one night. He has very scientific and mathematically sharp mind and amidst our many conversations about all sorts of magical things he is curious about from coral reefs to galaxies and stars - I’m not about to manufacture lies to convince him otherwise. He’s excited enough about Christmas and can’t wait for presents.

Difficult then as my kids have known for ages he isn’t real and they are 7 and 9 they knew since about 5

I would honestly question whether your dc was a true believer still.

My younger 2 both have ASD, and are not the quickest twitch catching onto things like this, but as I said earlier, dd2 was questioning at 8 (I then actually managed to get her something in her stocking ‘from Father Christmas’ that really confused her, as she couldn’t work out how it had been done! That then worried her, and she outright asked me in January, as she didn’t k ow what to think anymore), and ds is claiming to believe but I really doubt he does (he has been rather more straightforward in telling me what he wants in his stocking this year, rather than asking me to pass on messages to the elves as in previous years), and yet on 1st November he got a bit muddled with the months and was excitedly looking forward to an Elf visiting for advent. The magic doesn’t stop just because they don’t truly believe anymore. It can still be fun and festive - it’s up to you to still provide all the fun stuff. Eg the bits that had my dc believing longer than they would have otherwise are still provided, even though they now know it’s me who does it not elves/Father Christmas. They don’t enjoy those bits any less now they not they are not magically provided.