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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think disabled women can be very vulnerable and forgotten about?

6 replies

Rollwiththetide · 12/11/2021 21:33

Having a bad day with symptoms and just feeling so upset at how compromised I am because I can't work full time. When things are bad I literally can't read a document, let alone do more physical work, so I can't commit to 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

I am lucky because I'm in a loving relationship, where we mutually care for and support each other but yes, I am financially supported and hate it although of course am very grateful. But being dependent was never what I wanted. Sometimes it upsets me how alone I was before, really not able to cope plus intensely frightened of all the bad stuff that was happening to my body...and there was very little out there in terms of support. And no professional support can compare to a cuddle with someone who you love, who loves you, anyway, when you have worrying or sad news.

It makes me so sad to think of disabled women who are stuck in abusive relationships because eg they will be homeless if they leave, who cannot fend for themselves. The narrative is seems to be that it's always possible to leave and manage by yourself, but this doesn't factor in women with significant challenges around disability.

AIBU to think disabled women are particularly vulnerable and feel there should be better support?

OP posts:
Rollwiththetide · 12/11/2021 22:39

I should add, I do know many disabled women DO manage full time work plus motherhood and all the rest. I'm not ignoring their achievements or trying to make it sound like we're all helpless etc.

But for every disabled woman who manages to make a career work, there is a woman like me who are saddened because we simply cannot.

OP posts:
bluedomino · 12/11/2021 23:05

I agree totally. My life has been ruined by disability. I thought I had a loving partner and was able to pace myself and not work so my remaining energy was used on the children and the home. Being cast aside means I have no skills, no pension, nothing to offer and I am unattractive to employers. I'm resigned to spending the rest of my life in pain and in poverty.

XenoBitch · 12/11/2021 23:16

@bluedomino

I agree totally. My life has been ruined by disability. I thought I had a loving partner and was able to pace myself and not work so my remaining energy was used on the children and the home. Being cast aside means I have no skills, no pension, nothing to offer and I am unattractive to employers. I'm resigned to spending the rest of my life in pain and in poverty.
Same, but has been poor mental health that has ruined mine. Now single (did have a partner who supported me), on benefits, nothing to offer an employer or a love interest. It is bloody miserable.
bluedomino · 12/11/2021 23:36

I was asked recently what I wanted. I just want it to end, if I'm honest. I feel so guilty that people are fighting for their lives and mine just grinds on. I know I'm lucky and things could be so so much worse. Every ill man I know has a supportive woman but almost every ill woman I know is alone and struggling. Also, its difficult living in an area with low employment, which means not many big company employers, who are able to absorb the costs of getting even slightly disabled people into the workplace. Small businesses cannot risk employing someone with a horrendous sick record. Unfortunately, I think the disability discrimination laws can't really help. The future is just more of the same but with more pain and less money.

Summerdayshaze · 12/11/2021 23:40

I became disabled a couple of years ago. I have constant terrible pain and limited mobility. I’m also a single mum to two kids. I only stay alive for them. It’s no life really.

2020isnotbehaving · 12/11/2021 23:45

I’m disabled and single. There is enough basic support for a disabled person to be single so don’t think in most cases people stay because of that. We don’t general let disabled people starve. Even if system is tricker to get through.

I do think that IS harder to leave abusive homes because the limited help and refugee there are are unlikely to be wheelchair accessible. Ditto emergency housing from council ditto try finding accessible rape crisis centre good luck.

It’s also crap being single as no ones going want date you and you have no chance with a Dating website if you tick the unemployed box never mind disabled. I think you are general stuck either way living in poverty on your own with poverty old age (bring it on!) or feeling at best reliant on a partner for everything. It’s zero chance of improving your life and likely with age and disability only to get worse. It does suck

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