So me and husband have been married for 5 years (together 11 years in total). We have a child together. There's been some good years and some bad years but on the whole we have a good relationship and both work hard for our family.
Anyway... yeah theres no point dancing around the subject - i HATE my engagement ring.
He chose it for me. I had no idea he was going to propose. He went to a lot of effort to organise the proposal - got our family involved. It was sweet. But yeah as soon as he showed me the ring I was like "mmmmmmmmyeah I hate it" (in my head).
I haven't ever told him. I haven't told anyone. But yeah I hate it it's just not "me".
It's got quite a unique wrap around twisted/spiral design with a suspended diamond. I mean I'm sure it would look great on someone but i just don't love it. When I showed my friends they were all like "hmmmm thats....nice! All that matters is that you like it" I said i did because i felt obligated to but really.....i hated it.
I wanted to say something at first but there were people around at the time of the proposal so I didn't want to embarrass him and he was so on cloud-9 that night I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then it became awkward the next morning because everyone wanted me to wear the ring and take pictures of it which got uploaded to social media and it became harder and harder to say anything. Then more time passed and it just became impossible. I just accepted my fate that I was going to have to wear an ugly ring forever. I told myself it didn't matter. That I was lucky to have a ring at all. That my husband went to a lot of trouble with the proposal it would be really shitty of me to say something after all this time.
Also, because of the unusual design we had to buy a very specific (ugly) wedding ring to fit around it so now I don't like my wedding ring OR my engagement ring. Hilarious.
To rub further salt into the wound my dragon in law (MIL) got engaged a year after us and she and her fiance went to CHOOSE her rings together. Conveniently she CHOSE a ring that had the exact same twisted/spiral/wrap around design. The only difference was it had a bigger rock in it than mine (because OF COURSE she wasn't going to be out done by her daughter in law) but it was, and still is, a reminder of a) how she wants to 1-up me and b) how much I really don't like the ring anyway regardless of whether she chose something similar.
Given how controlling and manipulative she is I would not be at all surprised to find out she influenced my husband in his decision. MIL is extremely materialistic and hugely narcissistic. She will only shop in Waitrose or John Lewis. Wouldn't be seen dead in Aldi. I shit you not I've seen this woman throw a fit in the middle of Tescos because she wanted to buy "Tescos Finest" sausage rolls and we said she had to buy the basic range instead. She actually stamped her foot. She was going thru bankruptcy at the time. (Couldn't make it up) She is also SO wasteful with her possessions. Once she's owned something for 6 months it goes in the bin. No exaggeration. She only wears designer label clothes like Chanel and Zara and of course all of it is financed by her rich husband. I find it quite gross but each to their own. I keep my mouth shut out of respect for my husband.
I on the other hand often advocate for people not being "defined by their possessions" & I am not materialistic in the slightest. I often shop at charity shops, reuse, recycle. I could not give a rats ass if you shop in bargain basement or waitrose. I don't care if our tv is 24" or 80". I dont get my nails done every week, I dont shop high end. I really do not care if your dress was from the bargain bin or if it was made from the wool of Appalachian sheep, licked together by unicorns and dyed with the berries of a rare Himalayan flower, delivered by private jet and charged £1937448292947 for one pocket. I really couldn't care less.
If we lost all of our possessions tomorrow I'd still be ME...........But
if theres one exception to that rule I feel like your engagement ring would be it......right?
It's not about the value. I honestly do not want a massive rock that cost thousands of pounds. It doesn't even have to be diamond. I just want a ring that represents me. Represents US.
I see other engagement ring designs all the time and I'd be lying if I dont get jealous every time. I think "urgh I really wish I had a ring like that but I'm stuck with THIS" I want a ring that I WANT to wear. Not one I feel obligated to wear.
How in the hell do I explain it to husband without destroying his ego and sounding like a massive materialistic bellend? Do I just keep my mouth shut and be grateful for what I've got?
AIBU?