Dinner party etiquette

[Curiousforever]

We had an informal board games/dinner party the other day with many guests.

We had this new couple friend who asked if they would like us to bring something- they got some crisps and soft drinks. Two of the soft drink bottles were opened at the party. We of course provided other drinks including alcohol/plenty of snacks/main course.

When it was time to leave I gave them some traditional sweets to take home, and the guests took the sweets along with the unopened bottle of fizzy drinks.

I am relatively new to the UK and our guests are from a different cultural background. Just wondering if this is slightly rude of them? Asking as this would be considered very petty in my home country/culture and would love to know if I am being unreasonable.

It is certainly not common in the UK unless your friends are particulatly odd/stingy. You say they are from a different culture - perhaps it's normal for them?

I went to such a party once, I took some chanpagne, and so did some other guests, my bottle and another persons bottle,were not opened and used, so the guest told us to take our bottles home then. and not because it was cheapo stuff ! as it was very expensive,

My brother does this - he is behind stingy snd it’s v embarrassing. We are talking packets of m and ms he will take home if unopened!

@Bookworm20

Only time i'd consider it acceptable is if the HOST said, here you may as well take this back with you as we probably won't drink it.

this would also be rude - of the host

Yea, its a bit uncivilised behaviour

I think they were perfectly reasonable - the soft drinks weren't a gift to you (asking if they should bring something and offering around a few bottles of pop to everyone is not the same as bringing a gift wine for your host as some people here seem to be equating it too) they were for the party to drink and the party didn't drink them so why not take them back? Next time they are asked they will maybe bring fewer bottles since they overestimated this time.

Honestly I think OP is weirder here for getting offended over 2 bottles of leftover pop - so what £5 max if it's the really fancy stuff?

I think it depends really. If they bought the soft drinks mainly for their own consumption and just didn't drink them, then it's fair enough to take them away. People don't really give out cans of coke as gifts, do they?

Wine and stuff given to the host on the way in I would think more of as a gift and would be a bit perplexed if it were recovered.

Guests were rude.

IMO it’s also rude for hosts to decline the things guests bring, eg food/drink the host dislikes. A friend did this when I visited her recently and it irritated me.

Very rude of them. In my social circles it was very normal as poor students as you brought your own drinks only but in this case it was rude.

Can't say it would bother me, they bought it, I'd be happy for them to take it home. Having said that, I don't think it would occur to me to reclaim anything I had brought to a dinner party. It's not worth worrying about though, different folks and all that.

Its not the same but reminded me of time some random came to my late grandmothers' wake (when I asked how he knew her, he said he went to primary school with my Dad, now age 68 - asked Dad - who was like i've no idea it was 60 years ago!) at the end randomer, asked what was happening to some sandwiches and on told to help himself brought a sizeable tupperware out of his bag and filled it up!

They were rude.
No one i socialise with would do this.

Yes rude.
Similar to PIL who brought six mince pies as their contribution to Xmas dinner for ten and took home those uneaten.

Very weird of them and mean, especially as you gave them a gift.

Thanks everyone! Off to discuss with DH and might need to expand our circle of Friends more haha

Also agree, if the hosts give it back it's very rude.

Are they from South Yorkshire?

Reason I ask is that at Christmas the deal is that we buy and cook the food and Fil/mil bring the drinks. It's already tortuous trying to get them to bring what I deem enough, but if particular strangeness is that when they go home on Boxing Day, fil goes and gets all "his" beers from the fridge + takes unopened bottles of wine back!!!

The first time it happened I couldn't believe it, I'm from the North East where I was brought up if you take something to someone's house, it's theirs. My wife (also from South Yorkshire) couldn't see anything wrong with what her Dad had done, I thought it was the height of bad manners! Some people are just tight!

*of particular strangeness

Definitely rude in the UK.

However, I meet plenty of people in 'middle class' circles who seem completely unaware of this sort of thing.

That’s very rude behaviour.

I know a couple of people who do this. I wouldn’t do it personally but in otherwise kind, nice people I overlook it. If it’s part of a larger selfish, stingy pattern then they probably wouldn’t be invited again.

Rude in the U.K. too!

I usually tell people to take their unopened drinks home as we rarely drink fizzy stuff in our house so it will literally sit in the cupboard. I'd rather the guests put it to good use!

I think it can be easily done if you aren't aware that it's breaking an unwritten rule. It's slightly weirder as you asked them to bring it for the party in general, rather than them bringing it for themselves to drink and "tidying up" afterwards. But i wouldn't assume they'd been rude on purpose.