My in laws hate me!

[BoyMum2021]

Does anyone else have nightmare inlaws? Mine are honestly awful, they pit me and my sister in law against each other. Treat me like I don’t exist. Paint me out to be a bad person all the time.. leave me out of family events. It’s really upsetting I just don’t understand what I could have done wrong. Would make me feel so much better if I knew other people were in the same boat. I’m constantly made out to be a bad person.. I wish I could go into detail but I feel like if they ever read it, it would just cause more drama. There has been threats of violence towards me, when I’ve defended myself and spoke to them about it I’ve been made out to be a trouble starter. There’s been lies told about me and people have tried to break our marriage up. So much it’s never ending and exhausting!

Threats of violence? They sound awful. Just go no contact with them. If your husband wants to visit them let him go on his own. If they don't see you then they won't be able to talk about you. Just leave them to get on with their lives and you can get on with yours.

I can’t imagine what your dh’s family dynamics are like. They sound completely dysfunctional. Where’s your dh in all this?

Ive been in your situation, tho in my case it wasn't in laws but my dad & sm, my sm is a controlling narc & my dad her enabler, finally, after 30 years of her shit i finally found the balls to stand up to her, but typically dad and all siblings took her side & now none of them bother with me, but you know what? Im glad as its shown me who they truly are and my life is so much more peaceful without them in it!

My sisters-in-law hate me. Made it very clear e.g at family events they round up everyone for family photos except me, they started a WhatsApp group with everyone in (including all wives/husband's of siblings) except me, they constantly make comments about my parenting, my weight etc etc.
I put up with it for way too long, trying to keep the peace. Now I've stopped. And told my husband if he wanted to he could go see them alone. I never see them and it's bliss.

No threats of violence but I hate mine and I know they hate me and talk about me badly.
PILs are interfering, manipulative and despise me for taking their ds away from them.
They also overstep with my dc and expect to be able to take them on holiday and things and will ask the dc before clearing things with us parents first or promise to take them to things they know I wouldn't be comfortable with.
I don't like my dc spending too much time with them as they aren't very nice and I don't trust them.
My 'd'p has no backbone where they are concerned and can't say 'no' to them which is why that falls to me and therefore why they hate me I think.
I'd say to keep away from them and leave them to it however I've chosen to carry on seeing them as I'd rather keep my enemies closer in this case due to worrying they could manipulate my dc.
Smile and nod when you see them, don't tell them anything about your life or engage in anything but small talk. Don't emotionally involve yourself.

My in-laws hate me.

I’ve decided not to give any fucks about it. I just have nothing to do with the lot of them. It’s their loss. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I recommend it. Why on Earth would you want to spend time with those people? If they have an event, just plan something much nicer to do for yourself.

@MrsFoxyplease

You just described my in laws to a T.

Add in threats of the removal of childcare when they don’t get their own way.

I see them for around an hour a year now on Xmas day and that’s it!

OP, where is your partner in all of this? If your ILs hate you, why isn't your partner standing up for you and telling them not to treat you this way?

@BackBackBack we’ve had a couple of arguments over the years. He doesn’t like confrontation but then his silence sort of condones their behaviour doesn’t it? They’ve now started leaving my son out of things and treating him differently it’s honestly a nightmare

@MrsFoxyplease well they’ve started treating my son differently but have him once a week. They no longer have him that one day a week, it might seem harsh but they need to learn.

@BeyondOurReef I so wish I could let it not bother me. Any tips? 😂 I spend most days upset about it to be fair.

[quote BoyMum2021]@BeyondOurReef I so wish I could let it not bother me. Any tips? 😂 I spend most days upset about it to be fair.[/quote]
You need to reframe it for yourself.

They’re terrible people. You don’t want anything to do with them.

And they’re shit to your son. He doesn’t need that in his life.

It is their loss that they don’t see you or your son. And your gain in it seeing them.

If your husband insists on seeing them and doesn’t stand up for either of you, then he can do it in his own.

Make nice plans for you and your son and leave him to it.

Life is too short to care about what awful people think about you. It struggle through trying to gain their approval.

@Mamamia7962

Threats of violence? They sound awful. Just go no contact with them. If your husband wants to visit them let him go on his own. If they don't see you then they won't be able to talk about you. Just leave them to get on with their lives and you can get on with yours.

Yes! Indirect ‘ooh it’s a good job she’s pregnant I wish she wasn’t’ because she disagreed with something I said. It’s craziness. I was heavily pregnant and stood up for myself, respectfully I should add. And someone I’m the bad person for that?

@MistyFrequencies

My sisters-in-law hate me. Made it very clear e.g at family events they round up everyone for family photos except me, they started a WhatsApp group with everyone in (including all wives/husband's of siblings) except me, they constantly make comments about my parenting, my weight etc etc. I put up with it for way too long, trying to keep the peace. Now I've stopped. And told my husband if he wanted to he could go see them alone. I never see them and it's bliss.

Yeah they do this. Everyone gets invited to things but me. I feel as though I’m being bullied it’s awful! Stuck too because now unfortunately, they’re family! :(

Stuck too because now unfortunately, they’re family!

So?

Being related (in law) doesn’t make it ok to bully and abuse you.

Why isn't your DH standing up for you?

I’d be raging with my husband if I were you, for not sticking up for me

[quote BoyMum2021]@BackBackBack we’ve had a couple of arguments over the years. He doesn’t like confrontation but then his silence sort of condones their behaviour doesn’t it? They’ve now started leaving my son out of things and treating him differently it’s honestly a nightmare[/quote]
Surely if they've threatened you with violence you wouldn't want anything to do with them? Or let them see your kid?

They sound a touch unhinged.

you wouldn't put up with this behaviour from 'friends' so don't put up with it from them
Take back control
It's very liberating when you really don't care
Detach, detach, detach, they are deliberately hurting you, not nice