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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take my son out of this team?

14 replies

FootieMama · 11/11/2021 14:23

My son's is not thriving in his football team. He plays only a few minutes a game and I feel his coach wants him out. He is upset after every match. I feel the coach is not a good example either. Arguing with qualified referees and with the opposing side parents. Not reprimanding players that get into fights during matches, etc.
He has several subs meaning that many children don't play much either and treats the team as if they were paid professionals. Punishing kids that aren't in his favorites circle with bench time if they are late for training, etc. But a small group are never punished even after getting into fights.
My son is hesitant to leave. He has been with the team before this coach arrived and is very attached. I tried talking to him as honestly as possible but he agrees with everything I say than few hours later asks if I am aware of the match the weekend, etc. As if nothing has changed.
I don't know what to do. I would take him out now but don't want to force him.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 11/11/2021 14:25

Arguing with referees and parents is a massive red flag for me. not the example I'd want for my child.

BlackberrySky · 11/11/2021 14:28

Sounds like a crap football club. What kind of a club has regular fights breaking out?! How old is your DS? Could he join a Sunday league or similar if old enough?

Ugzbugz · 11/11/2021 14:30

I swear kids football is more controversial and political and made more serious than the bloody Premier league and I have a son who plays football and attend my teams premier league games.

I would maybe suggest another club although if that coaches behaviour continues they may all leave and it may fold anyway.

Fernando072020 · 11/11/2021 14:44

Coach sounds like a prick. Either complain about the coach or find a new club id say

hippoherostandinghere · 11/11/2021 14:46

I would move him. We were in the same situation earlier this year with the club my son was at for 6 years and he was reluctant to move as it was all he knew. I approached the coach of another team and ask could my son attend a few training sessions to see how he got on. The new coach loved him and once DS saw what the other club was like he never looked back. Best thing we ever did.

The way I saw it was if he'd have stayed were he was he would have been fed up after a month or so, now he's established and thriving in the new team.

Your DS coach doesn't sound good at all and isn't the sort of role model I would want for my DC.

Tal45 · 11/11/2021 14:47

Is there another club he could change to? Could he just go for a trial without leaving the original team just to see which he'd prefer?

LumpyandBumps · 11/11/2021 15:08

My son was in a similar situation at around age 10. The team and coach were ‘win at any cost’ orientated.
It taught them nothing about being team players. The ‘talented’ (bullying) players would turn on any of their own teammates who in their opinion made a mistake.
My son also shared some classes at school with some of these boys.
After much wrangling I pulled him from the team.
The difference in him was marked. The pressure was off and he was much happier.
He later joined another ( albeit less ‘successful’) team, with an inclusive coach, and had a great time.
Unless they are good enough to be the new Marcus Rashford, etc - and none of the talented ones turned out to be - youth football seems best when it’s about team spirit, self discipline, and having fun.

PugInTheHouse · 11/11/2021 15:42

We have been there, DS thrived at a different club once we moved him. In fact the team we moved him to, the coach was actually at a tournament when DS was treated particularly badly by the other coach and approached us to offer for him to move to his team. They were 7 years old, it was awful!!

junebirthdaygirl · 11/11/2021 15:54

In lreland this week all referees pulled out of under age matches due to abuse from CHILDREN and parents. It's a horrible situation.
Only pull your ds out if he can join another club or take up a different sport. Is he young for the age group and likely to get a better chance next year when older set move on. Do yo or his dad practice with him as that might give him more confidence that the coach might notice

nocnoc · 11/11/2021 15:58

How old is he?

FootieMama · 11/11/2021 16:26

13

OP posts:
FootieMama · 11/11/2021 16:30

He is involved in other sports but not as much as football and it is not a team sport.

OP posts:
Wondergirl100 · 11/11/2021 16:38

I have seen this many many times in kids football - constant subbing is very poor practise - children come to play football enjoy themselves and develop their skills - if they are going home unhappy it's not 'child focused' - often it's all about the adults isn't it? The coaches and their ambitions.

Shouting/ negativity - all very poor practice.

I would find another team - it's heartbreaking isn't it when your child is so loyal but the adults are awful.

CheddarGorgeous · 11/11/2021 18:25

I knew it would be football just from the thread title.

Yes, change teams and feed back exactly why.

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