Hey all
Just some views sought.
Left husband nearly 5 years ago due to his awful behaviour, have tried hard to keep things amicable over the years. Divorced for nearly a year. We have 3 sons aged 17, 14 and 11. His relationship with DS1 almost non-existent due to their historical problems.
So, he's dating his neighbour, on and off for 3 ish years. I have never been allowed to meet her.
They split up last summer and he was on my doorstep everyday almost, crying, texting, calling, breaking down in front of the boys, so I heard all the gory details about their truly dysfunctional behaviour. He even put CCTV up to spy on her! All so sordid but up to him.
Whilst they were apart, ex saw another woman for a couple of months and I was allowed to meet her (his choice), and so were the boys. All far too soon as I warned him but he never did listen....
Since then he has got back with her. The first 2 years of their relationship they pretended they weren't seeing each other to the children (she also has a son aged approx 13) even though they all knew. Since they got back together they are being more open, which is a good thing.
However, there is negative history between her and DS2, and although that seems calmer I have concerns. If DS2 does anything to upset her, she hassles ex until he forces an apology, and he will cry and beg and plead to make that happen. It all seems so irrational. Ex also used to leave the boys at night to be with her, as he was next door he didn't see anything wrong with that. He got caught and hauled into school about that one!
There is history of unfair treatment with her son being allowed in ex's house whilst my boys were not allowed into her house. Also she has been involved in disciplining my sons whereas I imagine that has never been the case with ex and her son.
FYI I have been seeing someone (LDR) for 4 years and have been completely open to him and ex meeting etc, ex refused for years until he was on my doorstep every day! Then he was nice as pie.
So, I want to have a meeting with the gf and ex to discuss my concerns about their historical behaviours and ask them to reassure me by sharing what has changed and how they will be better role models if you like. I'm being stonewalled.
AIBU to want this meeting? You'll all probably say yes! But if the consensus is yes I will walk away. I don't actually want to meet her, I just want reassurance that my boys are safe when with them both, emotionally (not physically).
I am finding this all very upsetting, and just want to let it go, but am worried I'll be letting down my boys if I do just turn my back on it. Saying that, I suppose they can say whatever they like they might not mean it!
Thanks for reading :)