Anxiety vs his anger issues

[notsurewhat1]

NC because I'm embarrassed, but I don't know what to do.

I've been with my partner 6 years now and we recently had a baby together. He's always been prone to bad moods and stubbornness and I'm an extremely anxious person. (Diagnosed and medicated)

This week I found black mould in our bedroom, which sent me into an anxious spiral. I started worrying our baby had been breathing it in, and was googling ways to get rid asap and what I should do. I cried from my anxiety - which my partner reacted so badly to. And when I suggested we move into the spare room for a while he told me I was completely overreacting and this isn't how normal people behave.

He started raising his voice at me and telling me he's sick of me always doing this anxious thing. When I told him he was upsetting me he began giving me the silent treatment.

This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, it happens so regularly now I'm used to it.

I know I can be difficult and that my anxiety can be a lot - but I'm feeling so upset and being shouted at when I'm worried doesn't help anything.

My baby is the most precious thing in the world to me, and I only want to keep her safe from potentially hazardous mould.

I don't know if I'm the one being unreasonable or if he's actually not very nice to me?

No advice on the other issues but if you want to get rid of black mould get vinigar and spray it on the affected area and clean it with baking soda and vinigar after. It kills black mould but it is harmless for baby even if staying in the same room.

He’s not dealing with it well- and it’s never okay to take your anger out on someone. That aside it is incredibly frustrating dealing with someone with anxiety. I say that as someone with it myself. Are you modelling the change you want to see? Perhaps if you got some further help- counselling for example (apologies if you’re already doing it- you just said medicated) you would have more basis to ask him to get help for his own issues? As I see it, you both have a problem- him anger issues and you anxiety - and you both need to address them to the fullest of your abilities.

For example- you know you’re over reacting about the mould right- you say it’s because of your anxiety? Anxiety is a reason but I’m it’s not an excuse. For example it is was me and I started to feel myself welling up one of my coping strategies is to work through to the extreme “there’s black mould, what’s going to happen? I’m going to breathe in the particles and get lung disease. And then? I’m going to leave my baby without a mother! And then? My baby is going to grow up without a mother and she might have attachment issues? And then…?’ Thats one of my strategies and it helps me to see how over the top I’m being. That won’t necessarily work for you but you need to find your own and I’m sure a counsellor will help. Again, your partner has his own issues to deal with but you can’t change him, you can only change how you react. I stand by that he also needs help.

I think I'd be anxious too if I was in a relationship with an intolerant, shouty twat.

Your child will be too, I imagine.

Why did you decide to have a baby with a man you know has always had bad moods and anger issues?

@Yayaga

Why did you decide to have a baby with a man you know has always had bad moods and anger issues?

What do you suggest she does, shove the baby back in?

You are over reacting due to your anxiety but that's no excuse for him to behave like a child. Regarding the mould, quickest solution is to scrub it off with bleach spray. Dry with kitchen roll. Leave a window open in the room (religiously) for an hour a day to get air in. Don't dry damp washing in the room. Next time you spiral into over reacting, take a deep breath, write it down. Then write down a solution or possible action to solve your issue. It helps you feel calm, in control & retrains you to challenge your negative thoughts ( which is part of CBT Therapy & really works for me).