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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to deal with bullying in year 7?

13 replies

Jinnybean · 10/11/2021 20:13

My son is currently in the process of going through Cahms to get help for therapy/counselling and to be assessed for being on the autistic spectrum.

He struggles to control his emotions and temper most of the time, he lets things wind him up and he always reacts by shouting/getting upset.

They are two girls in particular who have none stopped wound him up. Things like whispering his name over snd over in class (he’s extremely smart and used to love school- he loves learning). He’s told the teacher and they don’t do anything.

Tonight I found on his search history that he posted about them on a child’s mental health forum. (Kooth?).

I don’t know what to do. Iv emailed his teacher to request a call. He said they are in all his lessons apart from Maths.

They actually came to our house to trick or treat and when Ds answered with dd5 they went “oh it’s Dexter” like really horrible but he wouldn’t let me say anything as he’s worried they will bully him more.

It’s breaking my heart! He used to love school (top set) but now he’s constantly begging to stay off.

Iv found one of the mums on Facebook. Should I message her? I don’t know what to do. I want to protect him so much. He’s such a sensitive soul.

OP posts:

TotallySuper · 10/11/2021 20:15

No don't message the mum, get him moved classes. I assume there is more than 1 year 7 class?

tiredanddangerous · 10/11/2021 20:15

Don't message the other mother op, start with the school. Can you request a meeting with his head of year? They would normally be responsible for pastoral care. Are you in regular contact with the senco?

noblegiraffe · 10/11/2021 20:18

Don’t contact the parent yourself, this is for school to deal with.

The school should follow the bullying policy (look on the school website).

They should speak to the girls and this would hopefully nip it in the bud but if it continues your DS must tell you/the teacher so it can be escalated.

Original poster

Jinnybean · 10/11/2021 20:21

Thank you all. I’m going to ring the school tomorrow morning

OP posts:

Original poster

Jinnybean · 10/11/2021 20:22

I’m so worried about his mental health. He also posted on the forum that he hates his body.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 10/11/2021 20:25

I assume the school know about his mental health issues and the CAMHS referral?

They will have a pastoral team he could chat to about his worries while he waits for an appointment which might be better than Kooth (although Kooth is good if he doesn’t want to talk face to face with someone).

NotExactlyOptimistic · 10/11/2021 20:26

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

Jinnybean · 10/11/2021 20:28

He barely talks to me, not sure he would talk to someone although it was him who asked for help regarding his MH last year. The school are semi aware, he’s not been here that long and we started the referral over the summer holidays.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 10/11/2021 20:30

Definitely worth having a proper meeting with the head of year then to discuss all the issues properly. They might have some suggestions and it will help emphasise the importance of sorting the bullying out quickly if he is looking like he wants to stop coming to school.

NeonShortsInWinter · 10/11/2021 20:37

Put it in an email that way it starts a paper trail. Outline your concerns, state what is happening. They may do some investigating so it may take a day to get back to you but they should keep you informed. When they do call you, make notes and email confirming what was discussed and agreed. Some schools are awesome, my son's is for sorting out this sort of behaviour, others less so. But by keeping a written record it can be referred back to.

They should have their bullying policy online on the school website which tells you what steps they take.

And please don't worry about this escalating, if it does you go back to school and they should deal with it. And yes, I have had 2 children go through secondary, both have had issues with bullying. It stopped immediately.

Lots of schools have emotional wellbeing as well as safeguarding at their core. Once they know he needs help, they should give it.

ConstanceGracy · 10/11/2021 20:37

Definitely push it with the school until it’s resolved for your poor boy but steer clear of messaging the parents as that usually does not end well.

Iggly · 10/11/2021 20:40

Just go in sharp with the school.

My son had a run in with a kid who was being too rough with him; he’s in Y7. Before half term so only a few weeks in.

The change in his mood was dramatic, he was so upset as he didn’t know what to do.

I basically had to drag it out of him what was wrong, (in a nice way), told him I was telling a teacher (which he wasn’t happy about but it took any decision away from him) and sent a stern email to his head of year and form tutor outlining that it was not acceptable.

I got a call within twenty minutes from the head of year, who spoke to my son, and observed what was happening. He managed to deal with it very quickly. And it settled down.

Sometimes you have to err slightly on the side of what feels like an over reaction.

WillWorkForShoes · 10/11/2021 20:50

I’ve voted YANBU, but only because I think you’re right to want to do something and I totally get how much you want to protect him. I would describe my son as a ‘sensitive soul’ too. But please don’t message the other mum. It won’t go the way you hope it will. Go through school. Raise it. Don’t take ‘no’ or inaction for an answer. I’ve raised similar concerns at my son’s school before (albeit a primary) and they reacted very quickly and it ended.

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