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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby bath time

14 replies

Belalice · 10/11/2021 10:07

Bit of background. DH and I have a 10 month old baby. I returned to work, on reduced hours, two weeks ago, I work around 30 hours a week. DH works 40, over 4 days, so 10 hour shifts. He leaves early in morning after walking dog and returns just before dinner time, when he walks dog again. Baby currently sleeps in bed with us, which I find much easier for feeding him through the night.

My day consists of waking with baby, getting him changed and breakfast, taking him to daycare 3 times a week, working from home, collecting from daycare and giving him a dinner and usually bath before DH gets home. I then make us dinner and get baby to sleep, although DH will make dinner after walking the dog if it has been a tough day. We both have a weekday off work to look after DS and we have weekends off. Apart from night feeding DS and taking him to and from daycare, which I do, we tend to share all other child care, although I have had to occasionally encourage DH to play with baby a bit more instead of plonking him in front of TV. DH is very good with DS, who adores him, we share feeding him meals, nappy changes, bath times pretty evenly.

Twice a week, I go to my hobby, once on a week night and once on a weekend morning. Last night once DH was home, i left DS with him after giving him dinner, but before bath time. Plan was DH would take baby and dog for walk and then come home for bath before making himself some dinner.

I messaged shortly after leaving asking how walk had gone, as I thought DS looked very sleepy as I was leaving. I told DH baby would probably go to sleep straight after bath. DH said it was fine, he had been bathed but didn't seem sleepy so was playing. When I came home, around two hours later, DS was still awake. This isn't unheard of, but I was a bit surprised. I fed him myself and managed to get him to sleep within minutes, he was very tired. I didn't really think too much of it.

When I was getting ready for bed, I noticed none of DS's bath things had been moved, sponges were dry, toothbrush dry etc. I asked DH why that was if he had been bathed. All DH said was that he had forgotten to brush his teeth, but he had definitely had a bath. I wasn't sure, but wanted to give him benefit of the doubt.

This morning as I went to change DS before DH left for work, I noticed that DD had blue fuzz in between his toes, which was from the socks he was wearing yesterday through the day. I called DH and pointed out I knew baby hadn't been bathed, as he had fuzzy toes. Dh admitted he had lied about bathing him, to which I said I was upset that he felt he had to lie to me. He didn't give any reason for why he didn't do it, just said he was sorry and that he wouldn't lie again. He had to go to work, so I left it at that.

AIBU to be upset about the lie? I wouldn't have been overly concerned if baby hadn't had bath, I might just have washed him this morning before daycare if I thought he needed it, we have done that before. He probably would have gone to sleep earlier if he had had his bath, it is part of his night time routine, but if DH had been too tired or too busy to do it, it wouldn't have been the end of the world. But I am upset that he would lie to me about something concerning caring for our child? And it makes me worry that in the future I will worry about him saying he had done things whrn he hasn't?

Sorry about the long spiel, just looking to get some opinions over this.

OP posts:
Shockingggg · 10/11/2021 10:15

This is unacceptable from your partner. Who lies about this? I'd be extremely concerned and frankly livid. Why did he feel the need to lie to you?

Ladyraven0483 · 10/11/2021 10:22

I think your over thinking it your dh was probably just tired and thought it was better to say he did then didn’t.

Belalice · 10/11/2021 10:29

@Shockingggg I imagine it's because he thought i would be annoyed or cross. Which I don't think i would have been, but maybe its fair to think I might. I like to think he knows i am understanding about how tired he is after work and how draining his job is. But at the same time, I don't want to feel that I have got to do everything myself to ensure its done? Maybe that's just me being silly

OP posts:
Belalice · 10/11/2021 10:30

Yes you're maybe right, wee boy was ill with Cole and teething last week so we didn't get much sleep. Last night was the first time I've been able to go to my hobby for a while because of it

OP posts:
VainAbigail · 10/11/2021 10:31

You’re overthinking. Yes he lied but he probably thought he’d get nagged about not bathing the baby and didn’t want the hassle. It does come across that you’re a bit full on from the way you’ve written your op. Sorry.

But I don’t think he’d lie about serious things in the future. ATEOTD it was just a missed bath.

ShirleyPhallus · 10/11/2021 10:34

@Shockingggg

This is unacceptable from your partner. Who lies about this? I'd be extremely concerned and frankly livid. Why did he feel the need to lie to you?
Wow. Really?!

OP I wouldn’t be bothered about him not bathing the baby, but i would be bothered about the lie. Doesn’t the baby have a standard bedtime (ie 7pm), seems odd for him to still be up and playing a few hours later

Belalice · 10/11/2021 10:45

@ShirleyPhallus it was at 7pm after he had his bath, but last week was completely out of whack with the cold and teething, some nights he was asleep by six and some it was closer to ten before he would sleep. But over the weekend he has been feeling much better, so we have been trying to get him back to his routine. Yesterday was DS's first full day at daycare and I think he was exhausted, that's why I was hoping he would get to sleep at a good time, to be fair to DH he can be very difficult to get to sleep if he is overtired.
You're all right of course, a missed bath is just a missed bath. Maybe I need to look at my reactions and attitude to see why he felt the need to lie about it.

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 10/11/2021 10:51

You're all right of course, a missed bath is just a missed bath

Not even this, a day without a bath is just a day without a bath, there's nothing "missed" about it.

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 10/11/2021 10:54

You shouldn't be bathing your baby everyday anyway, it's bad for their skin.
I only bathe my toddler twice a week.

CoalCraft · 10/11/2021 11:05

I wouldn't be upset about the lack of bath, but I'd be very cross about the lie. Parents should never lie to each other about their shared children, ever, even if it seems like a minor thing.

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/11/2021 11:14

The lie is the issue not the bath. Perhaps you need to agree together on things like how often baths are needed. If it's you that makes all the rules he might feel like lying to avoid a lecture or nagging. Not saying that excuses lying but maybe approach it from an attitude of wanting to agree on things rather than accusing him of being dishonest. Open up a discussion where his opinions are as important as yours. If he says bath twice a week and you say every day, then you can agree to be the one to do the extra baths.

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/11/2021 11:15

Also decide now never to be annoyed if he tells you the truth about minor things like this.

Concestor · 10/11/2021 11:22

@VainAbigail

You’re overthinking. Yes he lied but he probably thought he’d get nagged about not bathing the baby and didn’t want the hassle. It does come across that you’re a bit full on from the way you’ve written your op. Sorry.

But I don’t think he’d lie about serious things in the future. ATEOTD it was just a missed bath.

If my husband lied to me "because he thought he'd get nagged and didn't want the hassle" we would have far bigger issues to deal with than a missed bath! Any man who lied to me and considered being reminded of things they were supposed to have as "nagging" would be on the receiving end of a stern chat. That's an unacceptable and misogynistic attitude .

Op, lying is not ok. I'd be upset too. Talk to him about it and see what was behind it. I would also struggle to trust someone who lied about something so trivial.

Belalice · 10/11/2021 11:25

@SnackSizeRaisin thank you, that is some really good advice, I think we will do that.

And thanks to everyone who has commented, I appreciate your input, I have some things to go away and think on and then to work together with DH.

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