AIBU to consider a bilingual nursery for my child?

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Hello everyone

I fully expect to get some comments telling me I’m a pretentious monster but also hoping for some personal experiences and balance! If I get a verdict that I am indeed going full PFB, so be it

I plan to start sending my son to nursery around 7 months old, when I return to work. We’re in West London and prices for nurseries are astronomical. For reference, it doesn’t seem unusual to be quoted £1800+ pcm for five days a week.

I’ve found two nurseries nearby that are bilingual - one is French and English, the other Mandarin and English. From when the kids are small, they talk to them, do circle time etc in both languages. The french one is £1600 pcm for five days, Mandarin is at the expensive end even for nurseries around me, at £1800 pcm. It’s also pretty inconvenient to get to by public transport - the french one is very convenient.

I always struggled with learning languages, DH has always found it easy and speaks three with fluency (so annoying!). I remember, when I was struggling as a teenager with lots of bilingual friends, I wished my parents had had me taught another language. And I figure nurseries are SO expensive, I may as well see if we can get the added benefit of the basics of another language.

On the other hand, he’s a tiny baby. And I don’t want to put pressure on him too. I just want him to be happy and have the best start in life.

Is it silly to consider sending a 7 month old to a bilingual nursery? What about when he’s 2 or 3?

OP grab the opportunity with both hands! Your dc will presumably be spending most of his wakening hours at nursery, so the chance of him acquiring the language is very high. At home you could let him watch French cartoons when he is older to maintain what he has learned, and maybe even a bilingual school?
Friends of ours moved half way across the country to send their dc to a new, bilingual Free school. Everyone pooh poohed the idea, saying they were mad and going to ruin his education. He is in Y4 now and completely fluent, all the naysayers are very jealous!
The only caveat I would have is that I would want the French (or whatever language) speaking staff to be native speakers, not someone who has GCSE French. I remember taking my dc to a Jolie Ronde type class and the leaders accent was horrendous.

Since your DH speaks French, then I would choose that nursery but he will really need to make an effort with him to maintain it. You might find school will continue with it (ours does from YR) so it will continue as a seamless transition as they grow up.

Dd went to a school in another country when only English was spoken at home. She learned the language well at young age despite it being her only exposure so the fact it won't be used at home isn't a huge issue. The bilingual aspect might mean it's not of huge value though. Staff encouraged the other English speaking kids to play separately and refused to speak English to the dc themselves as they said the dc that they have done so with in the past have never really picked it up

My DS is in a bilingual nursery - he is 3 & non verbal, looking at an autism diagnosis, our SALT recommended the nursery on the basis they are fantastic. I'm under no illusions he'll pick up a second language - (although he uses the odd word).

We don't speak the 2nd language, but just love the nursery - I'd say go for it if the nursery is really good

OP there's nothing 'cruel' about learning lots of languages at a young age. It's very common in the majority of the world.

I've done it OP (youngest is still at bilingual nursery, eldest was only there for less than a year and has moved on to school now). There are loads of benefits to development of being exposed to more than one language at such a young age, even if they do not keep it up/do not become fully bilingual. It's worth reading a bit about it but from our experience I would definitely recommend. My youngest understands loads in both English and Spanish but has been quite late to talk, this might have happened anyway but it can be more likely when they've been in a bilingual environment.

I think it's also important that you're happy with the other aspects of the nursery and are not just choosing it for it being bilingual.

For my older child he only started at 4 so only had a few months there before school. The teachers in his class spoke a mix. He has come away with a few bits of vocab, colours, counting, songs etc and can understand quite a bit but definitely nowhere near fluent. I still think the have been lots of benefits, even things like exposure to the culture, celebrating Spanish festivals and eating Spanish food, he adored his Spanish teachers etc. The other children in his class who had been going longer were speaking at a good level, able to hold conversations etc.

If you're otherwise happy with the nursery then why not?

Also kids don't need to be taught with as much effort as adults they pick it up!
I spoke one language with parents, another with extended family, another at school + TV. didn't need to 'learn' anything it was there around me,

As pp said he might forget it when he leaves though. Languages need maintainance. Since being in England my linguistic skills have declines rapidly :(

I’d do it. I was an au pair in France and the one year old up picked up a few English words just from listening to me talking to myself!

Do it. Five days a week, especially full days, is a lot of exposure and could well lead to fluency. It's more than a child would get at school and it is completely normal for millions of children all around the world to have one language at home and another at school. Current textbooks say this setup leads to the truest form of bilingualism. (Though research varies over the years of course)

Please do not speak a language at home with your child that is not your native tongue. All the textbooks strongly advise against this and for good reason. You will - at best - engrain a non-native accent in your child and at worst, errors. Let them make and correct their own mistakes.

My gut says French due to the cost and location, plus the fact you can just nip on a train to France at the weekend. But go to the nurseries and check them out because ultimately it's your gut that has to decide.

Oh gosh - absolutely go for it. Language learning at this age is as natural as it comes and it's a real gift to be able to speak two languages. I'd go for the French one I think.

If it is the nursery I am thinking it is (which it must be!) my children are there and it's great and they really do learn to speak as they are so young

I'm very jealous @Frizzyhairhelp, I'm assuming this is in London?

Yes west London. I am half French but English mostly dominates outside "school". Wish my DH thought like you and was happy to continue in the French system.....

It's only positive, no negatives. But be realistic with your expectations. My children are bilingual (because their parents are from 2 different countries) and to get genuine fluency needs a lot of consistent input.

From a bilingual nursery, if there is no other back up, I would expect a child to acquire mainly passive (understanding) skills, a much much lower level of active proficiency - but a good accent and a good foundation to build on.

So it's all positive gains, as I said, but don't expect anything close to balanced bilingualism and do be aware that if all minority language input stops at age 4 when your child starts school, it will very quickly be as though he had never heard the language at all. Children are incredibly efficient when it comes to language learning and they will acquire the skills they need and happily jettison the ones they don't. They have no concept of the intellectual, economic or social benefits of bilingualism - all they want to do is communicate with the important people in their lives and if they can do that monolingually they will.

My DS goes to a French/English bilingual nursery in West London (and they also have two key workers who speak Mandarin so they do some activities in all three languages). I love it as a nursery and the bilingual aspect is just a bonus really. I'd say about two-thirds the children have one (or two) French parents. Most of the staff are native French speakers (even the ones who speak English with the children). DS only really speaks English with the odd word of French or Mandarin but he seems to equally understand all three languages. It's amazing to watch someone speak to him in Mandarin and see him understand or follow the instructions. All of which is to say, it's been brilliant for our DS but I think that's because it's a brilliant nursery more than anything else.

I'd love a bilingual nursery near us. There are none. DC2 has been doing French and mandarin classes since 6 months and I'd love to be able to give her more. Out of the 2, I'd definitely go for Manadrin simply because it's the opposite sound set to us and keeps those parts of the brain wired in. There's an excellent TED talk about it.

My DS went to daycare in america from 3 months to age 2.5 (when we moved back to the UK). Many of the staff were bilingual and they would sing Spanish songs, count in Spanish etc. He didn’t come across Spanish again until secondary school, but picked it up very quickly and always had great pronunciation. I’m convinced it’s due to being exposed at a young age.

Ideally your husband should speak French at home to re enforce. My niece is fluently trilingual (dads language, mums language and language where they live) but was exposed to all 3 languages all the time.

And just to note: when monolingual people talk about fluency, what they often mean is a native sounding accent and the ability to speak naturally, without translating in your head. But often people who can easily meet these criteria use very basic language. It's a serious problem where I live, that immigrant children easily acquire this level of fluency through the education system, but they never actually get anywhere close to the levels of complexity and depth of vocabulary demonstrated by non-immigrant peers, which leads to correspondingly poor academic achievement. Superficial fluency that is impressive to monolinguals isn't always what it seems.

Doesn't really apply in your situation as I assume you are not aspiring to that level, but I just wanted to address that for everyone who thinks children are little sponges who will easily become just like native speakers through early exposure.

I would love to do this but we don't have a bilingual nursery nearby unfortunately. I would send DC to the language that is native to DH. We speak 4 languages between us. I don't think there's any point in sending them to one which neither of you speak? Once the child leaves nursery then unless it's practiced at home then they would forget it. Unless they also go to a bilingual school?

Only do it if you're going to keep it up after otherwise its completely pointless if the goal is to speak another language when they're older - at that age they pick ut up so fast but also lose it really fast if they don't use it regularly.

If this is important to you could you get an au pair from another country?

I'm a British solo mum in France. I'm bilingual, but only speak English to DD. I put her in French-Breton bilingual nursery and school. She's now 4 and speaks 3 languages. English is still her strongest language. French is a close second. I don't know how good her Breton is, but she seems to understand her teacher. Nursery is highly subsidised here for working single parents though.

Yes, why not?

I'm bilingual.

Only send if your husband speaks that language at home. Otherwise it'll be fruitless in the end as the kid will need consistent maintenance with that language (so someone speaking it at home).

Depends how the nursery does it. If they say the same things once in French and then in English- translating, forget it, the kids just learn to ignore the language they don’t understand.

Children don’t want to learn foreign languages, they need to be in a situation where they have to use the language otherwise they won’t get what they want/need.
So when your baby is a bit older and speaking if they choose to just speak English at nursery, what will the nursery do to encourage the second language- probably nothing.

Look for a nursery that is has high ratios of staff to children and where your baby will have fun. I guarantee they will not grow up bilingual from this.

I really disagree that it will be fruitless unless your DH speaks it at home. Lots of children acquire English language by attending nursery and exclusively speak another language at home.