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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know IWBU - now I have court on Monday

12 replies

shoplifteroftheworld · 09/11/2021 23:54

I posted some photos on Facebook in July and was arrested and charged. On Monday I go to court.

The backstory to all of this is that I was with my partner for 22 years and we have been married for 16 years. He was not always good to me but he was the only boyfriend I’ve ever had and so he was ‘normal’ to me, and all I ever knew.

He was abusive from the start, but back in 1999, early 2000’s people seemed to only think of abuse as physical - myself included. And - at that time - he wasn’t really. He threatened to hit me and told me once to ‘face the wall before I slap you!’

Looking back now I can see that he was sexually coercive and abusive, verbally abusive (calling me stupid, saying I was a loser and that people would be happy when I die etc) He lied constantly and was always approaching other women. He became physically abusive - giving me a black eye a few times, backhanding me across the face. The worst was one night when I returned from dinner with a friend. I mentioned to him that I thought it was sweet that my friends partner had come into the restaurant to see if she would get a taxi home. He took this as a slight against him, dragged me from the sofa and kicked me all over. The pain was horrific and he broke my ribs with one of the kicks. The next day I was covered in bruises and had to go to hospital.

I didn’t know where to go. He told me once that he’d take our boys away from me and I’d get nothing if I divorced him (he’s very wealthy) I wasn’t working. He was setting up a successful business and buying property.

I left him several times - last year for good. There’s so much more he has done that I can’t go into but I feel broken. I used alcohol to numb myself (very bad idea)

Last year he opened up a shop/coffee shop in our area and people were posting what a great place it was and what a great person he is. I’d had some wine and was remembering all the things he’d done to me over the years. I saw red and posted photos of my injuries from one beating he gave me to the page - a local community page with over 7000 members. In that moment I wanted to ruin him like he’d ruined me. I didn’t think the admins would approve it - they tend to check all posts. But the post went through.

The next week I was arrested for ‘domestic stalking’ The police had seen the images of posted and said they were ‘horrific’ and that I should report my husband for what he’d done. A few weeks later I did. My husband was questioned but he replied ‘no comment’ to every question and walked free.

I’m so worried about this now and just wonder what the court will decide. Does anyone have any idea? Again - I know I screwed up and I wish I hadn’t done it. I’ve been sober for 2 months and have a nurse now.

OP posts:
Almostmenopausal · 10/11/2021 00:10

I'm sorry for what you went through. May I ask what country you're in please? I though the UK only had Harassment as a charge for stalking related offences. I didn't know "Domestic Stalking" was a charge. I also don't know how on earth what you did could be classed as stalking??

As for court, have faith. Tell the truth and have faith. They will recognise an abusive relationship when they hear one. You may still receive a punishment for the photos but I also think he will come out of this worse off.

Sending strength & positivity Gin

araiwa · 10/11/2021 00:17

Use it to your advantage. Get local TV and newspapers down there to maximise exposure to his shittiness

RavingAnnie · 10/11/2021 00:27

How on earth does posting one picture on a business page count as stalking?

VVKills27 · 10/11/2021 00:36

I’m so sorry for everything you have been been through, he sounds like a despicable human being. I would try to stay calm. Perhaps don’t mention the wine bit as although it’s perfectly understandable, I think your ex could try to contort alcohol use to discredit you. You are not the perpetrator here of abuse here by any stretch of the imagination - he is. I can completely sympathise with your upset and actions, just be yourself, answer any questions calmly and clearly. I wish you so much luck with it all - no one should be in your position.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 10/11/2021 00:47

Domestic stalking is a pattern of behaviour, not just a one off incident of posting a photo of your injuries.

I sympathise with you op, an abusive relationship is a horrendous thing to go through, but nobody can properly advise you if you don't tell the whole story.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 10/11/2021 00:48

So you were advised by the police to report him, and rather than deny it he said no comment.
That and your photos (and presumably hospital records) surely should all go in your favour?
Sorry, no legal experience here. Am sure a much wiser mnetter will help, but good luck

TrollsAreSaddos · 10/11/2021 01:00

This sounds odd. Have you left out relevent info?

mathanxiety · 10/11/2021 01:03

CALL Rights of Women TODAY.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/
Click on GET ADVICE, top left of the page.

mathanxiety · 10/11/2021 01:04

When you talk to Rights of Women, you need to tell them every single detail so they can give you accurate advice.

Notimeforaname · 10/11/2021 01:12

This doesn't sound right. At all. You cant be a stalker for posting a picture?.

GoIntoTheLight · 10/11/2021 01:16

What is the actual charge?

Do you have a lawyer? You will need one before you go to court to enter a plea. Were you assigned a duty lawyer or told you should find one?

PrincessNutella · 10/11/2021 01:21

You need a lawyer, at very least solid legal advice. Do not go into court with an attitude of shame and remorse or you will be slaughtered. You need to put that away and protect your legal rights in a practical way. Call in every favor you can to a. get advice about finding a good lawyer and b. paying for one if you need to.

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