Am I over reacting…

[Nov910]

I don’t know where this post is going to get me..I know the general consensus is to say leave..it’s so hard to figure out what I want..maybe someone can help. Everything is cut down of course but the gist is.

Met a guy 5 yrs ago. Plan was to live together in time. That’s not going to happen. I’m a weekend gf and will be for the duration of us. He seems fine with it as ‘he can’t change it’ I’ve had my moments, he’s given silent treatment, it’s been crap.. but I love him and made the decision to go with it..it has its pros.

However I have issues that have arisen slowly and that’s really hard to get your head around after such a long time.
The easiest way to explain it is, he’s got the mentality of a child..he seems to want constant reassurance and recognition and will sulk if he doesn’t get it. Trust me I’ve read about this to death..how does someone hide this side of them for years?!

Something happened at the weekend where I was invited to something..I heard him on the phone ( was sat close to him) make an excuse for me not to go. I was so upset and broached it with him. He genuinely seemed absolutely lost as to why I was upset..he seemed to think his reasons were completely fine and he was doing the right thing. I genuinely believe he did it for the (his) best reasons and was thinking of me..(it involved travel) as he got upset when I tried to explain to him how it made me feel? Basically pushed out and he didn’t want me to go. Yet how he sees it as the right thing to do rather than just ask me baffles me.
AIBU?
This then brought something else up where he turned round and said ‘it’s non of your business’ I then got upset. I feel like I’m only good enough for weekends and as and when he feels?!
I can deal with the weekends, I’m not sure I can deal with this lack of awareness around him that most people would find unreasonable?

Sounds like he just wants a weekend shag and he’s happy to use you.

He’s not that fussed about your feelings, only his.

Sorry OP. You’re worth so much more and I’m sure there’s a nicer guy out there for you.

Time to leave.

@Nov910

Thank you all. This is one of the hardest things to deal with as I love him and vice Versa. We are great together when we’re together but yes it’s all on his terms. 5 years is enough to know wether I’m worth involving more but then I see him be like it with others and have started to realise as much as he loves me it’s when he’s getting what he wants. *@Bookworm20* it’s complicated to explain but basically again he’d done something that he could have mentioned that I found really odd (after having a convo around something v similar) and in his defence as he knew it was odd said ‘it’s non of your business

you do know that this post is absolutely not true?

so, no, he doens't love you. Because when people truly love you, they care about you, they want the best for you, they put you first, they listen to your opinion etc. He isn't.
He does NOT love you. He might sometimes be fun to be with and enjoy your company, but this is not love.
Real love is not mean, unkind, and does not use you.

1. We are great when we are together - not really. You are great when HE wants it. You are great when HE permits you to be part of his life. You are great ONLY on his terms.

Great means great day by day, more often than not, and this is just not happening. 2 days out of 7. Not much is it? he either has another girlfriend, or you relaly are his weekend shag.

Just because he is fun for 24-48 hours, doesn not mean his is worth it.

You are worth more.

He is coming across as selfish and controlling. Is he the one giving you silent treatment when things don't go his own way? (I couldn't quite work it out from your OP.).

You love him and you say he loves you but he only loves you when you put his needs first, when you do as he says. That's not love.

Not to be harsh but I think he's worn you down so much that you don't think you deserve more than he is willing to give. Weekend g/f for 5 years? You need to be shot of him.

OMG stop wasting your time with someone who just sees you as a weekend shag after 5 years!!

Women go into relationships with men thinking that the man will change; men go into relationships with women thinking that the woman won't change.

Massive generalisation but like all good old wives tales, there's a kernel of truth in it.

This man won't change. If you are happy being a weekend shag and on the fringes of his life, then carry on as you are. If you want a serious relationship with someone who actually wants you to be a meaningful part of their life then dump him.

He's treating you like a mistress op.

Don't waste any more time on him, go and find someone who can't get enough of you. What's likely to happens is he'll bugger off with someone else sooner or later.

Thanks all. We used to see each other during the week. We do have holidays and trips. I have been, and felt I was a part of his life away from the weekends but it’s become apparent he’s making me aware he will do what he wants which isn’t fair on me.
I don’t think there’s anyone else..he’s particularly solitary and that’s part of the problem.