AIBU to wonder how much I should be paying for my DD's activities?

[Funkyslippers]

DD (18) gets £50 a month from us, £10 of which she saves. She also earns around £200 a month from her new job. Between OH and I we've usually paid for whatever she needs plus:
£60 p/m for drumming lessons
£20 p/month dance classes
We also pay for petrol in our shared car which she puts £5 towards for each £20. She uses the car to go to the gym and her job twice a week, around 5 miles each time.
She has a night out soon so has asked for money towards her meal which will be around £10 and for money for her coach ticket to London to visit her cousin plus has dropped hints that she'd like us to give her some spending money. Before she got a job I probably would have paid it all but now she's earning I'm thinking she should be paying some of this herself. She does tend to buy her own clothes/makeup etc and if she has lunch at college a couple of days a week.

We've always subsidised her as she has no grandparents and only 1 auntie & cousin who she only sees occasionally. My dad died and left me a good sum of money and I always figure he'd like me to spend some on her! But I also want to encourage her financial independence.

Any advice? Thanks

I think you're very generous. In your shoes I would continue to pay for the clubs, but going out for the evening expenses should be coming out of her own money. As should the spending money. Otherwise what is she doing with it?

I'd probably pay for the coach to visit the cousin (as visiting family) but spending money & nights out should be covered from her salary or allowance.
It might time to shift some of those other responsibilities for money management to her ie give her £130pcm but she needs to cover the lessons out of it, so she gets used to budgeting.

I'd pay for the coach ticket and lessons.
But expect her to generally pay for her own social life.

Errrr...Wow! At her age I would have been so embarrassed to ask for extra money. Her only real expense is a tiny petrol contribution.

You’ll get a lot of posters saying give her nothing but lots of parents do support 18 year olds. Is she in yr13 doing A levels so limited re work hours?
I’d pay for activities, college lunch and visits to family (cousin) I think. But expect her to pay towards petrol and socialising eg meal. I’d probably still give her spends as it will cover toiletries etc. I’d also buy her some clothes, coat and shoes - staples or give her money. Eg you’d pay cost for m & s jeans if she wants fancy she can pay difference.
My mum supported me through A levels I didn’t work until summer before Uni. She saw my job as getting grades. I worked hard didn’t take advantage and had simple tastes not much socialising.

I don't think you're spending very much on her ay all, to be honest, but I suppose it deoends on personal experience. Getting just £50 a week and saving £10 of it is already good of her! That would not have lasted me long at 18. I also think that unless you want her to quit her hobbies and activities, you should continue to pay for them. Most parents do, in my experience. She's only 18.

If she needs a tenner for a meal or an event here or there with her friends then yeah, that's the kind of thing I think her payment from work should be used for. But I definitely wouldn't expect her to pay for any petrol in your shared car.

It’s great she has a job so she has £250 month income and pays £5 petrol and few lunches at college. I think social life is on her it’s not essential spending. Unless she is saving every penny for uni or a car and such like and you not helping means she never goes out or does anything.

I'd maybe buy her coach ticket too, since it is to see family, but would expect her to provide her own spending money.

£50 a month, my first post should say! Not a week!

My stance is if they’re still in full time mandatory education then financially supporting them, if able, is the right thing to do.
It’s great she has a job I’d personally give her till the end of college before hitting her with financial reality. Threads like this are always full of comments from parents saying to pull all financial support the moment their teen gets a job and I just think … what utterly crappy motivation to work. Ah you’ve got a job well done son, now you can work to pay for the exact stuff you’ve been getting for free from us, you’re no better off, congrats!

It's an interesting one. My parents were very generous while I was at uni, to the point it actually caused me issues when I graduated and had to manage a budget on my salary!

I had no idea how to budget when I became responsible for all my bills lol. I went from a huge disposable income and savings to really living pay check to pay check for a solid year.

For my children, I would like to take an approach somewhere in the middle. No problem to support while undertaking study, but I wouldn't fund their social life to the extent my parents did. It's a good lesson to learn early.

You can absolutely work more hours too and keep good grades; I earned about $2K AUD a month at uni and maintained HD average. All for booze, travel, and some savings (oh to be 18 again).

I would expect her to pay for nights out herself. But the rest I would continue to pay for. I would encourage her to save more than £10 a month though. What on earth is she doing with £235 a month spending money? Hopefully it's not going on clothes

JetRocket Yes I agree.
I’d view her in full time education so you aren’t spoiling her by paying for things you’d pay for same as if she was 15.
Also current yr13 have had a disrupted time at A level. So posters saying I worked X hours and still did ok isn’t same - they are having to teach selves chunks of course. I’d hate to be a teen now.
She’s done well getting a job, she should get some perks from it. I’d speak to her encourage some saving. If she’s being sensible and is generally hardworking I’d be inclined to cut her some slack.
It didn’t hamper my budgeting or work ethic for mum & dad to support me.

I'd wouldnt be giving her cash ad hoc at all.

You already give her £50 a month plus she is earning £200 as well. She is 18, she needs to learn to budget rather than asking for extra cash all the time.

If you feel that amount isnt quite enough, set a higher pocket money but stick to a fixed amount that she has to budget from.

Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I worked from 16. Mum and Dad paid for my main hobbies but I paid for all social activities myself as well as paying for my car and to run it. I also saved for uni and once there they contributed a sum per month towards my food and accommodation (200) but I took loans, used savings and worked for the rest. They would treat me to clothes sometimes when out - usually mum would say if you buy X I will treat you to Y. They would also pay for family meals and holidays.

I think your DD could be paying more. I would still pay for her main hobbies you mentioned but would require her to pay her actual full petrol and travel costs and for socialising.

If you can afford to continue paying me for the clubs I would encourage that.

I think she is cheeky to ask for extra for socialising.

Sorry not paying me, paying for