Feeling I am losing my friends...

[SophieHasOneQuestion]

With a couple of friends (close ones), I feel that it is always me who have to make the calls, send texts to arrange meet ups, so I decided not to initiate anything. But then they also didn't contact me neither and it has been about two months. I am disappointed but not sure if I am being
unreasonable (i.e. I should not have tested the relationship).
I am a single child so friendship has alway been important to me.

I would maybe send them a message and just mention how you feel and that you've taken a step back feel like you've been making most of the effort. I think often communication can be the best thing to resolve this as sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives we forget that we've not been too present with friends.

Then you can judge by their response and future actions whether they make those changes

I think you have your answer already, OP. It is disappointing.

@SugarBlossomFairy

I would maybe send them a message and just mention how you feel and that you've taken a step back feel like you've been making most of the effort. I think often communication can be the best thing to resolve this as sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives we forget that we've not been too present with friends.

Then you can judge by their response and future actions whether they make those changes

Thank you @SugarBlossomFairy (love your name btw).

I know the reply would be as if nothing happened or "sorry I have been busy". I know they initiate meetings with people who are much less close. So I think I deserve a "hello, how are you..."

@SparklingLime

I think you have your answer already, OP. It is disappointing.

@SparklingLime - Thank you for the reply. Yes, it is heartbreaking...maybe I should learn to let it go. :-(

I'm In exactly the same boat OP my friends are nowhere to be seen when I need them, bar one whose stuck with me through thick and thin.

I'm open to getting more friends, you can DM if you ever need a chat x

I think sometimes when friendships become unbalanced you need to be a bit more explicit about how you feel.

It may be that they think you like being the person that organises things and have no idea that you feel uncared for and now that they haven’t heard from you they assume you are just really busy at the moment. Obviously it might be that they don’t care, but it’s hard to know that’s the case. If you are unhappy about something in a close relationship you should be able to discuss it.

Friendships can fall into patterns - sometimes unconsciously- where one person does more of the initiating than another. It doesn’t seem like something to lose good friendships over at this stage, but can you talk to them about how you feel?

I feel it’s shown you they are actually more acquaintances than friends. My good friend, I would message to check she was okay if it had got to more than a fortnight with no communication. If you find you are making the majority of effort then it’s not a true friendship.

@UnLunDun

I feel it’s shown you they are actually more acquaintances than friends. My good friend, I would message to check she was okay if it had got to more than a fortnight with no communication. If you find you are making the majority of effort then it’s not a true friendship.

Exactly, in the past I check on them almost everyday when they were not well or when they lost their job. Realise they are just acquaintance make me very sad....

Sorry op but I think they aren’t as close you you as you are to them. It’s really hard to hear, but I’ve been in the same situation with a friend before, she never made the effort, and I started to feel like it was a pity meet up. She would meet lots of other people though so not that busy.

I’ve not seen her for maybe 3 years now.

Another similar situation I stepped back from started texting me much more regularly so for that relationship it ended up becoming much more balanced.

Yes it can feel bit one sided. I had a meetup last week 4 us. But they would never plan it. It was nice but sometimes nice if someone else organised!

I think you need to ask yourself if this is something you can accept or not. And there’s no right answer to that. Real human relationships are never perfect and it’s up to you to decide what your limits and boundaries are.

Sometimes imperfect friendships are better than social isolation, and sometimes it can be less lonely without some relationships.

@thelegohooverer

I think you need to ask yourself if this is something you can accept or not. And there’s no right answer to that. Real human relationships are never perfect and it’s up to you to decide what your limits and boundaries are.

Sometimes imperfect friendships are better than social isolation, and sometimes it can be less lonely without some relationships.

Thank you @thelegohooverer,

It is not really about social isolation as I do have other good friends which I consider myself lucky to have them. i.e. they will check on me if I have been quiet for two days.

I am sad because I genuinely cared and loved these friends, found myself quite stupid...

Or they are just the sort not to text every day and start chats on but they still want to be your friend. I wouldn't necessarily throw away the friendship.

Don’t take it to heart, OP. I doubt that it’s because they don’t care about you; I’m sure they do.

Friendships often fall into patterns. Someone becomes The One Who Gets In Touch gradually over time. There are friendships where it’s mostly me doing the “hey, let’s meet for a coffee” thing and others where I’m more likely to be the follower rather than instigator.

If it bothers you enough to want to say something, or to drop contact, that’s a valid response. However, I wouldn’t be so quick question to assume they don’t care.

Yip. Been there. YANBU in the slightest and sound like a good friend.
Difficult one with everything being so strange at the moment- but then again it is upsetting you and they've pulled away- so I understand you're thinking cut them loose or keep trying?
I wouldn't do anything drastic. I met a friend recently after a 2 year gap. I had felt neglected as our texts were one-way for ages. She said she'd been 'hiding away' and just working. We had a pleasant chat but this pandemic has altered friendships radically but also messed with people's minds. Tbh that friendship probably won't recover and is heading towards Acquaintance Town.

I felt it was a horrible creeping feeling when I hoped it wasn't true that she wasn't interested in me anymore- but once I accepted it, it got easier.

Sadly some friendships have just not survived the pandemic and some people have been opportunistic and used it as an 'exit strategy '
...Trust your instinct, give them one last chance then maybe cut them loose without any accusations. No need to say you feel neglected. It is so sad. There will be other friends! Take care.