Husband and Leaving Do

[DaphneCrane]

Husband has two women leaving in his department ( one is maternity leave). He always does the speech as he is lead in department.

Yesterday one of the women emailed him to say they did not want a man to do the leaving speeches and could he ask his female No 2.

He is a bit put out. Is he being unreasonable?

If they'd emailed asking if their friend could do the leaving speech, or saying that the female No. 2 knows her better so could she do it then I would say yes.
But to say he cant do them because of his sex? That's not OK.

It’s a bit weird. Is there any context? Why is she leaving?

I'd expect the head of the department to do it. Unless this woman worked closer to his deputy. If it's just that she wants a woman to do it seems unreasonable- I mean it's just a 'thank you and all the best' type thing? That's the leader of the department's job (one could argue, if he had his female deputy do it, that the impression would be that he didn't feel the woman leaving was important enough to warrant his time...).

The only reason was that he was a man. One is leaving to go on maternity leave and will be back, the other is leaving London.

He hasn’t been uninvited to the meal or anything.

He can start, female no. 2 can add her own thanks. Would look very odd for him not to do it at all though.

This is really weird.

Hopefully he hasn’t already signed the card and contributed to the collection. If he hasn’t, then he really shouldn’t bother if that’s what she thinks

Sounds like a rude and unreasonable request if it’s only because he’s a man - cheeky mare!

Your Husbands speech duties, stopped because of some objection from an emailing woman, more than ridiculous !

I wonder whether there’s something underlying this e.g, the women feel there’s a misogynistic culture in the organisation or all the team leaders are men so the women never get to make speeches or perhaps they just feel the female number two knows them better or will make a better speech.

I’m not surprised he’s a bit miffed but it wouldn’t do any harm for him to have a bit of a think about what they’re not saying.

Maybe the woman wanted to hear more of other women’s voices in the workplace, wanted to see opportunities made for up and coming female leaders.

One of the things I hate about the traditional wedding speeches is that men make speeches about and in behalf of women and there are no speeches by women. I really applaud when mother of bride or groom, or head bridesmaid, or bride make a speech.

Is it a very male industry or sector?

Was he party to her Exit interview?

I can understand that he feels a bit miffed but it’s good for thought if he is committed to equality.

Maybe the woman wanted to hear more of other women’s voices in the workplace, wanted to see opportunities made for up and coming female leaders.

it would depend how they worded it but I agree with this, it's always men at our place doing the speeches, every opportunity to talk and BAM! up stands a man.

Perhaps it might be good for your DH to speak to the one who asked, and find out why instead of a kneejerk sulk?

I would have a good think about what @HeddaGarbled said....there is likely a reason for this that hasn't really been made clear. It may not be a sensible reason but I'd be surprised if there isn't something between the lines.

One of the things that crossed my mind when I read this is that having worked in a large organisation for many years, I don't think I've ever heard a man do a 'farewell and all the best for maternity leave' speech. This in itself could very well be sexist, and I'm NOT saying that babies are things that only women can speak about, but those speeches often slightly relate to the regular female experience of maternity leave (hoping for a straightforward birth, resting looking after yourself before the arrival, looking forward to meeting the baby and snuggles and that kind of thing), and it might seem a bit uncomfortable coming from a man.

Just a thought....it seems bonkers on the face of it, but underneath there might be a reason.

Understandable that he feels put out if it's solely because he's a man.

So weird, do they not have a good work based relationship?

Maybe they’re out of there because there’s no chance of further promotion

Could it just be a weird way of saying his No2 knows them both better, so would be better placed to talk ?
I would wonder is the "man" thing a red herring for some other reason they want to hear from someone else ....

Ironic because I once saw a woman give one of the worst leaving speeches ever for her secretary who was going on mat leave. She started it by saying how furious she'd been when she found out said secretary was pregnant.

This was a qualified lawyer by the way.

Something tells me there is some major paraphrasing going on in the retelling of this interaction.