To tell me what you love about being single?

[kelseypops]

I've just left my narcissist husband.

I'm looking for positive vibes only! What do you love about being single? I really need a boost to get me going. I'm free now and need to realise the world is my oyster (with 3 dcs in tow)

Thank you xx

Not being constantly hurt and let down and made to feel like the problem was me. Being able to enjoy the moment without being on edge about what would tip him into the next mood. Having who I want over when I want and not having to clear it with anyone else.

I'm single by choice.

Try and reframe it in your mind. Being coupled up is the default and most people seem to feel lacking if they're not in a couple.

For me being single is a natural state, I enjoy living alone, I get more done, I put more into my work family friendships and hobbies. I have a relaxed arrangement with someone for sex which mumsnet will yell at you is impossible but really, really isn't.

Congratulations on leaving him!
I love not having to explain my choices.
Not having to brace myself for an argument every time I want to express my opinion.
Being able to make decisions without waiting interminably for him to agree.
Not having to ask his opinion/permission before making a purchase.
Not having my stuff destroyed because he was careless with everything that was important to me.
Sometimes I forget why I left him and start thinking that it really wasn’t that bad, there were lots of good bits.. then I write out a list like this and it all becomes clear again

@Wassailer

Congratulations on leaving him! I love not having to explain my choices. Not having to brace myself for an argument every time I want to express my opinion. Being able to make decisions without waiting interminably for him to agree. Not having to ask his opinion/permission before making a purchase. Not having my stuff destroyed because he was careless with everything that was important to me. Sometimes I forget why I left him and start thinking that it really wasn’t that bad, there were lots of good bits.. then I write out a list like this and it all becomes clear again

Yes I am doing the list idea too. And it's a long one!

I literally love everything you have said here.

Thank you!

FREEDOM!

Being able to make my own decisions about literally everything without having to run them past someone else or risk them being mardy.

Watching what I want when I want.

Not having someone be a complete drain on resources.

Not having him decide to put my things somewhere but not know where. Infuriating! And then flat out deny having seen it.

Life is just better this way. Honestly, I would never live with someone again.

The peace of mind I know I’m not with the wrong person foe the rest of my life. That is liberating and brings such happiness it’s unreal. I no longer feel suffocated with the worry and thought that this was my “lot”

Freedom, space, control, not being chipped away at by another person. Hope all goes well for you.

I definitely enjoy making the decisions not having to listen to unwanted opinions, spend money on what I like, future goals and dreams are just mine.
I don't have to please him, look after him, clean up after him.

-Having my whole king size bed to stretch out in.
-Feeling like I'm finally 'myself'
-Taking up new hobbies and interests and meeting lots of new people
-Going out for dinner/drinks and not worrying what time I need to get back
-Having loads of space and peacefulness around me
-Feeling free!
-Being able to flirt without guilt
-Being VERY choosy about men because they'd have to be bloody amazing for me to consider giving up my precious singledom. (Incidentally, I've noticed that being happily single, confident and self-directed seems to be an attractive quality!)

Good luck OP!

Argh I love these! I need to hear all of this as I've wanted it for so long. I knew our marriage was wrong. I knew he was wrong for me and I dreaded growing old with him.

The life for me and my dcs is going to be so much better.

I'm currently staying at my mums in a double bed with 2 out of 3 of my dcs. I've left my home with bare essentials and no idea where we will end up or where we will go but I feel the calmest I've felt in a long time.

Freedom and doing what I want when I want. No one arguing with me. I'm happy single and never feel lonely.

All the above, and I'll add:

Not having to pretend my friend paid for lunch/dinner even though I was the sole bread winner, as he liked to spend all my earnings on guitars and resented my spending anything on myself.

Not having to buy a certain proportion of the clothes he picked out for me in shops, despite knowing I would never wear them, just to keep the peace and head off another argument about how our different taste in clothes was symbolic of our lack of anything in common and we may as well just split up now.

Being able to take whichever route I choose through town because there is nobody ordering me to TURN LEFT HERE!!!

Not worrying that I am not laughing enough at a comedy programme and thus triggering barbed comments about my complete lack of a sense of humour, or laughing too much at the "wrong" bits and being told off for having a weird sense of humour.

It's nearly 9 years since I left and it still feels bloody great! Enjoy your freedom.

also single by choice

I love being able to do exactly what I want, when I want.

Sort of the other way around for me, as in I was single in my younger days & got married at 40. I never regarded myself as “single”, just a person enjoying my life (and plenty of non-boyfriends!). The only people concerned about my status were my aunties... It was all great fun! I’m glad I had those years, and was never “looking for love”.

The one thing I miss about it (there’s more than one thing, of course!) is having a nice house with no man smells, hairy carpets on the bathroom floor or wee all over my clean toilet... (not that I’m a domestic goddess, but I’ve had much cosier homes, with just me) (no chance, now I have a kid, though!)

i miss my ex, but at the same time, i guess the ability to plan then adapt plans as and when, rather than locking in the details of x,y,z ect weeks in advance.

Congratulations! A whole, wonderful life to live with your dear children, no treading on eggshells or questioning your own sanity. I wish you all the best.

Single by choice here, it's LIBERATING. I can do what I want, think what I want and not have to pander to any man's whim.

I lie in my bed at night free of farts, bad breath, duvet hogging and fidgeting. I spread out like a star. I have loads of comforting things in my bedroom, hot water bottles, lovely blankets, a diffuser which plays bubbly sounds and turns my bedroom into a total oasis of calm. I don't have to listen to heavy breathing (will it turn into a snore or not), there are no sweaty pools, cum stains or dirty pants or stray pubes left in my bed.

When I get home from work I pour myself a glass of wine and indulge myself in a gloriously hot comforting bath which I can enjoy in total peace with no interruptions, atmospheres or expectations of sex afterwards.

I choose what I want for tea, I experiment with different menus and cook amazing different dishes for myself without weird comments or judgements or any mansplaining on how to cook it.

I sit on the sofa in my cosy lounge with my thick blanket and fire going, I have full choice of my viewing on the tv and enjoy watching whatever I want. Cinema at my fingertips.

I make decisions about meeting friends and do things as and when I want to and when i'm in the mood. I don't have to consult or think about anyone else.

My phone isn't bombarded with texts from the partner. There is zero anxiety, he didn't reply, it's been 12 hours, is he okay, is he seeing another woman, did I say something wrong, why was he offish. No anxiety there whatsoever. Instead I put my phone aside and read a really good book on my kindle.

I buy myself flowers from the supermarket knowing that there are zero expectations of sex, but if there is sex to be had I can do it myself, when i'm in the mood, and as minimally or frequently as I bloody well please.

If I wanted to, I could go and date and meet new people. But honestly, why would I want to. Life is so much better without the hassles!

Being single rocks. Welcome to Freedom and Happiness

It's early days for you OP, well done on making the break. You can feel better, try and stay positive. Hugs :-)