To have said no?

[NotAFreeBabysitter]

I’m a single parent with a complex family myself so I do get it but was I UR to say no to this?

Today is my only day off for the next 10 days (I work the weekend my DD goes to her dads so I can take 4 days off in a row the weekend she’s with me). Popped to the mum of my DDs best friends house to pick something up and she was heading out to work.

She’d had two of her DNs dumped on her as they both had temperatures and couldn’t go to Nursery/School. She knew I was off today and asked if I’d sit with them until her mum who lives with her finishes work at 3pm. She said if her mum was late she’d grab my DD from school for me and then take over.

I said no because I was about to meet another friend who I have to book to see months in advance due to her schedule and mine always clashing. Also neither of the DNs know me, so I was worried they’d not tell me if they felt worse (they were playing on the floor when I got there)

I could have said yes, my friend would have understood. But I’ve looked forward to seeing this friend since we booked it. I know how hard it is to get work as a single parent let alone when your sibs dump kids that aren’t yours on you (two different sibs had dumped their kids with her as they were ill and they apparently needed to work more than her, her mum was already at work and when she said no to her sibs due to work they left them on her anyway).

I have since text her and offered to get her DD from school instead which will mean walking back passed my house to drop hers off (she hasn’t replied yet).

Will add not worried either of the DNs had covid, and even if so I didn’t say no for that reason, as I’m double vaccinated.

So WIBU to say no? I feel quite bad I said no now.

You had plans, end of

Not your circus, not your monkeys

I actually think a good friend says no sometimes, rather than always says yes but starts to build resentment. So I think you did the right thing. It’s her family who were being ridiculously unreasonable here, not you.

Why are you trying to make a drama out of nothing?

You were right to say no and she could have done the same to her selfish siblings. As if they just shoved poorly young children at her she ran out of the door before she realised

Hope you’ve enjoyed your day off and seeing your friend.

Not at all and I would be very surprised if your friend thought ywbu. Why are you feeling bad? Does she seem put out? Was the conversation on text and she hasn't answered? If yes, that's possibly because she messaged a few people and has been too busy to respond. If she is annoyed I would reassess the friendship frankly as favours should be freely given not demanded.

Of course YANBU. She shouldn't say she can look after DN's and then try to dump them on someone else.

YANBU. Your friend shouldn’t have asked in the first place.

Your friend should not have even asked you. If she could not look after them she should contact the parents not try to push them on to you.

She shouldn't of asked you, aside from anything else I'm sure you don't want whatever they have got

With a bit of luck your friend will have observed how you said no and will deploy it to her advantage next time her siblings behave like twats.

Well she asked, you said no. No drama, move on

You weren't unreasonable.
You were unavailable.

YANBU.

If she couldn't have taken care of them she shouldn't have accepted them

Good for you. How refreshing to hear that you didn't allow yourself to be railroaded, into cancelling plans to look after strangers children. Don't feel bad, you clearly had plans. I'd be annoyed if you blew me off to look after someone else's kids! You did the right thing.

I really, really, wish women would get over this "feeling guilty" nonsense for saying no. We have every right to say no to whatever, whenever. Other people's problems are not your problem, op. This woman should have said no herself.

Yanbu…you weren’t available because you had made plans.
Even if you hadn’t, spending your day off looking after a friend’s nieces? Naaaah.

I’m a good friend, I’m not a childcare facility. It would have been a no from me, plans or not.

You did right OP. Cancelling plans for others back fires sometimes.

Your friend should of said no. Poor kids getting passed around I mean it's not fair. Perhaps it's food for thought for your friend too... she may say no to her siblings next time too.

You were absolutely in the right. And I completely agree that if you'd done it, you would have been resentful and it would have impacted your friendship with the other mum. I sympathise with her, but in this case, it's really not on you. If it had been HER DD who was sick, I might have been more inclined to help her. But it sounds like she can't say no and as a result she needed you to step up. how awful. for both of you.

YANBU. Christ, these weren't even your friends kids, why should you look after some random persons kids on your day off? And if your friend thinks yabu then she's got a brass neck! You've no reason to feel bad at all.