Friends 10yo DD hitting my 1yo DS.

[star8]

Hi everyone.
Need to write this out for some outside opinions. I have a best friend I've known for 9 years. Her dd was 1 when we met. Been through tough times together so a valued friend. Her DD however has for many year had anger issues both in school and home with problems with hitting peers and cousins. She is 10. Ive always been a bit wary of her and know that she can be sly with hittingas she has pushed my Ds1 when he was 1 but alwys when no one looking or around so I am hyper vigilant. So DS2 is one now and friend and DD visited. I have camera in room and had a feeling to be extra aware. She didnt know monitor was on. DS2 playing with her excited. He cant talk yet. I saw her roughly grabbing him. Wasn't 100 percent clear. She then came to room we were in to check what we were doing. Sort of scoped out the surroundings. Went back to room and i saw she went to top bunk and stepping on DS head with 1 foot. I was livid and shouted out for friend to go deal with it. The AIBU is i feel this will now cause a wedge between is as friends as although she told her off she thinks her dd will not do it again. I don't trust her and my instincts always made me hyper aware when she was around my Ds. It the calculated hitting and targeting the ds that cant talk that freaks me out. Ds1 is 5
Sorry its long I just can't get over it. It happened a few months ago.

Wow the DD sounds very calculating and a bit psychopathic I'd be very concerned and I think it's a shame the mum isn't doing more for her. It sounds like this could escalate quickly if she was given given the chance. However I have just read an article where a 16 year old lured a 12 year old into the woods and stabbed him 70 times so maybe that's put me in this mindset!

10!!!!
She sounds like a psychopath.

I would be really clear with my "friend" that her child was not welcome in my home ever again. She could have killed or hospitalised your baby.
I am not sure i could be friends with her going forward. The minimisation and dismissal of the danger and seriousness of what her child did is quite shocking.

That's deranged! Did she actually put her full weight on his head?
I'd be telling your friend her daughter needs help and quick and I wouldn't give a fuck if the friendship survived or not!!

Did I read this right: your 1 year old was In a room alone, unsupervised on a bunk bed?
🤯

Defo sounds like she has serrrrious issues. I have also seen a lovely side to her too. I have known her since she was 1 so I dont want to say she is all bad. But yeah that is neither here nor there anymore. Just bad vibes so knew to watch her.
Just to answer a few question... no not her dull weight on him. She was sitting on top bunk feet hanging down and feet on his head as came by.
I had camera on and monitor was being watched by me for that minute hence my speedy response.
Even so.... the girl is must definitely not allowed near us. I'm their mum I protect them like a lion. This aibu was more to gage if i was right in letting the friendship fizzle and alot of you agree with me.
Thanks for the replies x

Of course YANBU for not wanting her child to hit your children. But YABU for allowing it to happen in the first place. You knew about her child's issues, and left her unsupervised with your own children. Why? No 10-year-old wants to play with a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old anyway, so why on earth would you ever have allowed this particular 10-year-old, with known issues, to go off into a separate room with your children?

If you can't or don't want to arrange ways to see her without your children being there, or you're just too angry to maintain the friendship anyway, that's fine. But YABU to act as though it's entirely her fault when it's clear neither of you thought anything was going to happen. Protecting your children is ultimately your job, not hers.

You can still be friends, but see each other without the children. Keep it to socialising outside of either of your homes. Though to be totally honest I don't know if I would want to...

The mothers blasé dismissal would have annoyed me almost as much as her daughters deliberate behaviour.

Sounds like the child needs serious help. This is not normal behaviour.

I agree I do take responsibility in it too. I should never have allowed even a minute of her being alone. Definitely haunts me still. I defo think we wont b friends for much longer. We msg here and then on whatsapp but its very short and not how it was. I remember being 10 and knowing exactly what i was right and wrong.

The issue of blasé dismissal is an interesting one considering the OP is blocking any mention of her part in this.

She knew the older child's history but left her alone with a non verbal small toddler.

A monitor isn't a babysitter and things happen in a flash. No responsible adult would leave a toddler with a dog, breezily expecting a monitor to keep the child safe - why would the OP think a monitor would protect a toddler from an older child with a known pattern of aggressive behaviour!

As others have pointed out, and you have acknowledged, you left your baby with a kid you had “bad vibes” about. I voted YABU for allowing this to happen.

Hang on…so he walked past, she put her dangling foot on his head as he walked by? With no weight behind it? Did it hurt him?
Difficult to say if she did it maliciously but it paints a different story to the OP which read as if she stamped on his head.
That said, the other things alone would be enough for me to not want this girl around my toddler.