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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not contributing?

6 replies

mingella · 08/11/2021 14:02

DP and I are moving in together shortly and we are moving in to one of DP's owned properties which he had previously rented out (for context I've been renting as recently divorced but have deposit money to purchase a place together as does he... we have decided to trial living in this property together before committing to purchase a home jointly).

Due to the fact it was a rental, it requires quite a lot of cosmetic work to get it ready for us to move in to e.g. painting, new carpets, blinds and a bit of electrical/heating work. DP is paying for all of this since I don't own the property and it will only add value/desirability in the future. The property also needs furnishing throughout as the existing furniture is tired and I have been heavily involved in this process (I have effectively chosen all of the furniture such as sofa, bed, mattress and wardrobes etc.). The furnishing has cost a considerable amount and I am beginning to feel a bit guilty for not chipping in on the furnishings, considering I have had such a say and we will both benefit from them and are removable from the property should anything unexpected happen.

On the other hand we'll be splitting all the living costs 50/50 in terms of bills and the small mortgage DP has on the house. I was happy to contribute to this as I'll be saving hundreds compared to rent I'm paying on a much smaller property at the moment (we're in London), so living with DP will enable me to save much more than I would if I were to continue renting.

YABU - you should also contribute to the furnishings
YANBU - no need to contribute to furnishings, paying towards the bills/mortgage is enough

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 08/11/2021 14:09

If you don't contribute you shouldn't get a say....and if it doesn't work out obviously they are jot yours.

However.... you plan to stay with this man and feel like you are being a CF. So....talk to him. See how he feels and together decide what to do for the best. He may say.....I don't want you to contribute or he might say....look you've skinted me.....if we move again you need to cover the moving costs....or whatever.

If you can't just discuss this now what hope is there? (I'm sure you can.....)

mingella · 08/11/2021 15:32

Thank you @Mumdiva99

OP posts:
TotallySuper · 08/11/2021 16:34

What does your DP say?if he's not fussed then I wouldn't be - but if you feel bad you could always buy him a gift or a weekend away or something to make up for it.

StrictlyStrictly · 08/11/2021 16:39

I agree, talk to him and see how he feels.

It would make things less complicated if he's paid 100% for all the furnishings as they're then his, as should you break up, there's no need to quibble over things you've paid 50/50 for. It's very difficult to split furniture in half!

Could you perhaps pay for a holiday instead, nothing outrageous, but perhaps a nice weekend away for you both?

averythinline · 08/11/2021 16:41

Will you be taking any of the furniture with you when you move to next place or if things don't work out?

If yes maybe 50/50 on those...if nig and they will stay with the house in the future then no....they are part of the property .

abstractprojection · 09/11/2021 23:13

When I did this with DH we did anything a landlord would pay for or choose I did, anything a tenant would we did together. So I choose and paid for the new kitchen, but choose and paid for the new dinning table together

We also did 50/50 on all bills

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