To think ‘I didn’t think’…

[Ohshitiveturnedintomymother]

Might be the most rage making statement ever?

DH has just wrecked my gorgeous wool jumper by chucking it in the machine. It is now felted and shrunk. This is not the first jumper he has done this to.
On discovery he is apologetic and said ‘I didn’t realise it couldn’t go in, I didn’t think to check.’
It didn’t need washing, it wasn’t in the washing basket, it was in my suitcase from our holiday. DH took it upon himself to wash everything on return, which would be helpful if he’d checked what was dirty or clean first, or even checked the fucking label! Not to mention the outfit I’d planned to wear today also got washed when it didn’t need to so I had a massive panic trying to find something else to wear.

I feel like a bitch for being angry at him as he was being helpful, but he actually fucking wasn’t!

Not helped by the fact it was a £200 jumper I’d got in a charity shop for £10 and will never be able to replace.

It's also a real denigration of traditionally female tasks. DH thinks he can cook, launder, clean etc 'cos anyone can. No recognition of the base level of knowledge and skill involved. Yes, skills and knowledge that everyone can and should acquire. Not something you can do without thought, attention or effort.

Actually I think you've nailed it @picklemewalnuts - some men view these menial tasks as beneath them because they must be easy and not worth time or thought because women manage perfectly fine its like a deep seated disregard and disrespect that we do the "easy" shitwork.

I haven't articulated that very well at all as I'm tired. Maybe I should have just quoted you and left it at that

A two hundred pound jumper for a tenner! Ruined! I'm crying for you here

I find it helpful in these situations to remember times when I did something similarly stupid.

It was an accident. Annoying but not done intentionally. I’m very surprised no one whose responded so far has ever said “I didn’t think” and it’s a phrase only used by men? I’ve said it all too often because genuinely there have been things where o haven’t thought.

You’re right @Grilledaubergines it was an accident but it’s one in an ever increasing list of them. If it were the first time i wouldn’t mind so much.

@Ohshitiveturnedintomymother

Now I’m the bad guy because he’s apologised and I’m still angry. Doesn’t help I’m hungry as I’d been about to make supper when I discovered it and stropped off upstairs to try and fix the damage. I’m stuck up here now while he’s in the cosy living room

An apology isn't a magic thing that will make your anger go away, especially if it's something so annoying in the first place. If you have family money it's not even like he can properly replace the jumper without affecting you (unless out of his own spending allocation).

I'd say he ruined the day with his idiocy, I wouldn't be impressed with a 'sorry' unless there was a proper change in behaviour. It's not an attractive quality to be so dense.

I think he should replace your jumper, which will also help him remember for next time.

Also once the jumper has felted there is no rescuing it, in my experience I'm afraid 😧

This makes me so cross. I asked my husband to please put the washing in the dryer so it would be done for the morning as I was tired and he wanted to stay up. He never bothered, meaning my boys school uniforms were still soaking wet! When I told him he said “I didn’t think about that”

I had to bar my DH from doing washing because he ruined so many clothes.

@pinkstripeycat
My DH has never even emptied mine or the DCs suitcases and takes a good few weeks to empty his own so this is a WOW for me!

I’d be annoyed about the jumper tho. I think as he’s so amazing to empty a suitcase and wash the clothes, why isn’t he amazing enough to check the washing label

I’m still in awe that he emptied a suitcase and washed your clothes tho

I think we have the same DH! 🤣
Mine "doesn't think" to ever do laundry. Literally the only time i can remember him putting a load of laundry on is when he spilt something and it had to be addressed immediately. But the washing was left on the line for nearly a week afterwards!! (And got rained on more than once)
...but I still feel aggrieved for OP especially as it was a charity shop find.

@GoodnightGrandma

I had to bar my DH from doing washing because he ruined so many clothes.

But this just facilitates their ineptitude. And makes more work for you!

What car does he drive? Go and fill it up with the wrong fuel then tell him you "didn't think". This is the equivalent isn't it? Casual carelessness is what it is.

@SallySkelington

My DH is the opposite and asks so many fucking questions that I could brain him!!! Fuck me, engage brain!!! He holds down a pretty important job so I know he can do it, he just can't be arsed!

I've got one of those in a way. I can ask him to do something, like can you make us omelettes as I'm on my way home, and he'll go I don't know how to make omelettes. My response now is Google it. Everytime. He has no response to that and then does it.

Yep I’m with you on this one. My DH has an annoying habit of saying “I didn’t meannnn to” with a sad face which he thinks somehow removes all responsibility and blame. That one comment is guaranteed to put me at maximum rage yet he persists!

To be fair to him, I've done exactly this myself to a beautiful jumper. Sometimes I just don't think!!

At least you didn't actually pay £200 for it though!!

I have a ds like this. His mind is apparently a complete void. Unless it's to talk about horror films and politics and gaming.

However, I have some sympathy cos I am remembering more occasions as a young teen when I didn't think.

I totally feel your pain. I had a go at my DP the other week for throwing my whites in with his darks. It ruined my whites.
I do all the laundry in our house now

"I didn't think..." is actually "I couldn't be arsed to think OR make a proper effort at said task because in reality I think its "women's work" and I shouldn't have had to do it in the 1st place"

Aka strategic incompetence

You've "nagged" him to "take initiative" and then "when I do I get it wrong so why should I bother?!"

It's simply not good enough!

I'm beginning to think we women need to employ similar tactics for the things we do for them!

(Not that I need to as single and live alone but I understand the frustrations for those of you living with men)

Ex tried this crap early on in marriage but I wasn't having it. He was army and perfectly capable of laundering/cleaning, drying and pressing his uniform (which inc handwash and dry clean only items and he never accidentally machine washed them!)

Ditto a number of other household tasks. There was one almighty row at the start of the marriage and the air was well and truly cleared and he knew he wouldn't get away with this crap.

The only bit I helped him with was the fact his mother had never taught him to cook and he'd gone straight from home to army and the cooking facilities in single accommodation were pretty limited/crap and the mess food quick, easy and cheap for them so many of them did that BUT I taught him to cook and expected him to learn at a reasonable pace and get to a point where he could share that chore WITHOUT leaving the kitchen a bomb site for me to clean up!

@pinkstripeycat your dh being even WORSE doesn't excuse ops dh or the millions of others that repeatedly pull this crap!

I agree an apology in words only is meaningless. He needs to at least say what he will do differently in the future to not make this or similar "cba" mistakes. If he has his own money replace it too - or if "family money" at least go without something that's just for him to replace the item - nights out, sports/hobby tickets/costs, clothing for him, sports tv or whatever

I had to bar my DH from doing washing because he ruined so many clothes

That probable suits him just fine!

I do all the laundry in our house now

That's why STRATEGIC incompetence!

Do not let them away with it!