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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to meet centrally

19 replies

Blondebrunetteredhead · 07/11/2021 13:26

6 friends girlfriends, 3 with young children. Who all have Dads/grandparents etc to ‘babysit’.

The three with children live in the same neighbourhood, other three upto 45 miles away from said neighbourhood in totally different directions.

There’s a birthday coming up amongst the 6 of us (we always make time for birthday celebrations) and it is heavily suggested that the celebration takes place in the neighbourhood where the majority live (the one who’s birthday it is doesn’t live there)

I have tried to suggest meeting centrally (main city) which is very easy for us all to access.

If the celebration took place in the local neighbourhood it would mean the three in the group who live ‘away’ would have to stay out for the night. No one has a spare room, and it has been suggested we get a hotel or sleep on an air bed. There will be wine involved for everyone so driving isn't an option.

I refuse to do either because I don’t want to sleep on an air bed or pay for a hotel when we could all meet centrally and go home at the end of the night.

The one who’s birthday it is is a crowd pleaser and I feel she’s been forced into making plans that suit the three who live locally and with children. There is an underlying consensus between them that the other three who don’t have children will just fit around them.

There’s also this weird obsession with hanging onto what someone said about not enjoying going into the city. Does she get to dictate that when it’s not her birthday?

AIBU to want to meet centrally?

OP posts:
SecretSpAD · 07/11/2021 13:30

No of course you aren't. It should be the choice of the person whose birthday it is.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 07/11/2021 18:53

So the three are wanting the others to travel to them, but aren’t even able to accommodate them?! So even the birthday girl has to get a hotel?! That’s going to add up with taxis, breakfast etc. You’re defo not BU but it’s the birthday girl who needs to speak up.

Mumdiva99 · 07/11/2021 18:55

Did your friends offer you an airbed in their lounge? That seems like a good offer for one night.....you can get up and go home nice and early......well you'll have to if they have kids or you'll have little kids waking you up when you have a hangover.....Grin

PooWillyNameChange · 07/11/2021 19:39

I'm a bit torn on this. I see where you're coming from but as one of the people 'out in the sticks' away from a friendship group I always suggest their neighbourhood as otherwise everyone has to travel. It's a pain, yes, but it feels silly to suggest that everyone travels rather than just the 2 out of 5 of us! I just don't drink on those nights.

StoneofDestiny · 07/11/2021 19:43

Air bed or settee no problem for one night. Hotel - additional expense on 1 person - not nice. Are you really all 'friends'?

Original poster
Blondebrunetteredhead · 09/11/2021 08:50

@PooWillyNameChange

I'm a bit torn on this. I see where you're coming from but as one of the people 'out in the sticks' away from a friendship group I always suggest their neighbourhood as otherwise everyone has to travel. It's a pain, yes, but it feels silly to suggest that everyone travels rather than just the 2 out of 5 of us! I just don't drink on those nights.
If we met centrally no one would have to travel more than anyone else.
OP posts:
Original poster
Blondebrunetteredhead · 09/11/2021 08:52

A restaurant has been booked in the local neighbourhood. I've made my excuses and declined the invite, and have arranged to m eet the birthday girl on another date to suit us both.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 09/11/2021 09:01

I couldn’t really get wound up by this. It’s one night - I’d just go and sleep on the air bed.

lentilsforever · 09/11/2021 09:04

The birthday girl… why do you think she’s being rail road we? Is she generally quite weak?

lentilsforever · 09/11/2021 09:06

And how far away does she live?

KatherineSiena · 09/11/2021 09:13

Like PooWilly I’m the friend who has moved away so I normally travel back to visit/go out with them. Sometimes I’d like not to travel and occasionally I opt out but I mostly make the effort as I want to see them.

However, I know I could always stay with one of them (and would always get offered a bed).

I think your friends are being a bit selfish in this case though especially as the birthday girl isn’t getting the option of picking her own birthday location and is being inconvenienced to do so.

Ilikewinter · 09/11/2021 09:14

I think youve made the best decision OP!

Original poster
Blondebrunetteredhead · 09/11/2021 12:39

@lentilsforever

The birthday girl… why do you think she’s being rail road we? Is she generally quite weak?
45 miles
OP posts:
lentilsforever · 09/11/2021 12:40

And yet she’s happy to go ahead AND meet you centrally.
It’s her birthday
She’s a grown assed woman
Give her some credit that if she didn’t want to go, she wouldn’t

lentilsforever · 09/11/2021 12:41

So you’ve actually added to her burden by now requiring her to meet you separately

Chocolatewheatos · 09/11/2021 13:02

It kinda depends on a lot of things. Some cities are awful and not somewhere you'd want to go.
The children could be breastfed babies and the mums can't stay out long. If three people are unable to go to the city then the birthday girl is fair to choose a place that works for the most people.

I'd just sleep on an airbed for one night at your friends. It is easier for you than them so you travelling further balances the books abit.

You risk dividing yourself from the group.
You've made it even more difficult for birthday girl.

lentilsforever · 09/11/2021 13:12

I hate people going out of their way for my birthday, adds to pressure

vivainsomnia · 09/11/2021 13:43

Are is everyone going back from the main city if everyone is going to be drinking? Maybe they don't want to walk in the dark from their local station to their house drunk at 2am?

Lasair · 09/11/2021 13:49

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

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