To feel dissatisfied with a happy life.

[Coffeeisnecessary]

I think I just need to be told to pull myself together by someone other than my husband. I have a nice home, 2 healthy children and a good marriage. However our family is small and we don't get on with MIL so rarely see them. My own parents are lovely and we see them semi regularly. I have a fair amount of friends both old and new and see them occasionally. My husband doesn't have any friends and is quite insular, he doesn't need the company of others much. I find weekends and school holidays very dull and lonely. Growing up I imagined extended family meet ups and family friends coming over, fun times with friends, weekends away etc. All of this I seem to see on Facebook all the time with everyone else. They all seem to have lovely friendship groups they go away with, so their children can play together etc. Our weekends are spent just as the 4 of us with the children either glued to a screen or bickering and moaning with us if we try to do anything wholesome. I'm just feeling a bit rubbish about life not turning out the way I hoped and then feeling guilty for being so bloody ungrateful for all the good things in my life. Don't even know what the aibu is, am I being unreasonable to have hoped to have family friends and family around that actually want to see us?

Do you try to arrange meet ups/weekends away?

Do you think stepping away from FB would help? I keep it only for messenger now.

Yes I think Facebook may be a major contribution to the dissatisfaction. I have family abroad though and they have the kind of life I'd love, big family, lots of meet ups with friends as a whole family. I do arrange to go away with people and have meet ups occasionally, but that is just as me, my husband doesn't want to and we don't have any 'couple' friends.

Do you have any single parent mum friends who would be happy to meet up with you and the DC? Or friends whose DP work at weekends/during holidays?

If DH is anti social then he cannot complain if you go out without him.

Christmas is a great time to start off with something like a panto visit/seeing Santa/ice skating/whatever is available in your area.

Don't try to go from 0 - 100, just start off with a couple of things.

No advice but you are not alone OP.

Was better when younger (id bring them to kiddie stuff like farms, parks, woodlands). Now it's a right phaff to get kids to do anything "wholesome" like you described. Even a trip to town or park for a walk/playground is met with severe moaning. Occasionally we meet friends for long lunch but they have younger kids and all the kids get antsy, nice but rare. Same with cousins. My parents are dead and in laws are really old and not into kids.

These days I'm stressed about schoolwork etc. Im not a tiger mum but my kids are beyond lazy and soemtiems I end up shouting/battling them. They just want to PLAY silly kids stuff. I send them to watch TV after what I want is done e.g. Homework/game of tennis with me/football with dad.. They will entertainment themselves building forts, cut up junk from recycling bin, make believe games but I can't bear the mess that we end up having to deal with (even if we make them put some things away) We don't get to do anything WE want to do.

I work long hours all week so we should enjoy family weekends but DH & I often take turns to go out alone to get away from them. I never get so relieved yet depressed on Sunday nights. It's joyless. I love them but can't wait for them to grow up and move out of my hands. I'll miss them but I won't miss this.

The other thing is, everyone is incredibly busy and those lunch gatherings with friends/siblings and kids are planned months in advance... and occur at most twice a year with my closest friends. We also couldn't afford to do it all the time.

Plan one thing a weekend. It could be a museum trip, a different park, a hike/pub walk, meet with friends, etc. You will have to instigate. You may even have to invite people over to yours. I hate planning, I thought it was all going to be lovely and spontaneous, but it's essential.

Do you have friends with kids the same age? I try to see them as often as I can, softplay etc. What about activities? Do your kids do any classes or sports?

You don't need to be grateful if you're not happy. You are allowed to be unhappy with the fact that your DH doesn't want to compromise and do what you want to do sometimes.

Have a compromise. We tend to be lazy, loaf around and do not much on Saturdays. DH is in work and I CBA taking the kids out to busy places alone. The compromise is on Sundays we all go out as a family.

I would be taking the initiative and inviting friends over and planning trips out with the kids, even if your husband doesn't want to. You can make your life much more filled with fun activities if you do that.

You have to make the effort, invite people, they’ll come, because most of them probably feel the same as you.

Pull yourself together. Has that helped? Make the most of what you have OP, because things won't always be the same - one day you might look back and these boring, disappointing times will seem like the good old days.

In the last 20 months my DF died very suddenly, my marriage ended when I discovered my husband had several mistresses on the go at the same time and now my lovely DM has just been diagnosed with terminal illness.

It's not all bad - my DD is amazing and growing into a fabulous, quirky, funny young woman, and I've a boyfriend who is literally the best man I know, who would walk through fire for me.

But life is what you make it OP - don''t dwell on what you don't have, concentrate on making the most of what you do have.

You are right, I need to organise stuff myself. I'm quite passive and let things just go along but I need to do something about it if I'm sad about it!

Maybe you need to meet some new people. You could go for a coffee with a friend or something. Even one extra person might make a difference?

I agree, you are not alone.
I often spur myself up to change my life, but can’t see what it is I want to do.
I just see life passing me by.

You need to organise stuff yourself.

Also delete social media, you'll feel so much happier in yourself within a few days. It makes a hell of a lot of difference to peoples mental health.

P.s if it helps we've done nothing other than food shopping this weekend and my DC are currently "swimming" across the floor. We don't all live perfect life's.

Those snapshots of the perfect day out are often a forced second in the day.
You don’t see the hassle to get there, the kids arguing, and the house is a mess when they get home with tea still to cook.

OP, I'm very similar. In fact I posted in the Christmas board yesterday about feeling a bit low about not having huge family and friends gatherings around Christmas.

I think others are right, these things need to be planned. Even if its just a walk. This weekend I'm going to get Panto booked for next month and have contacted a friend to arrange a family meal our with partners and kids in the next few weeks. I'm also going to book in a visit to a local national trust park for a walk and maybe a lunch after.

I would say start to build a life beyond ‘family’ life. Get your own hobbies and interests to do at weekends. Kids as they get older are less and less fussed about family days and all the rest - fill your life with stuff for you, that you enjoy.

Step away from Facebook! People's fun-filled family outings etc are not necessarily as fun-filled as the photos suggest!

Your family life sounds very similar to mine, OP - mostly just the 4 of us. We get on great with all our extended family, but they all live at least 4 hours away so we don't see them much. Dh and I really don't have a circle of friends locally, so we don't have much of a social life. Dc are teens and increasingly independent and not so keen on family walks etc.

How old are your dc? Maybe you can find some activities you'll all enjoy. Dh and I are beginning to go out more just the 2 of us now the dc are older, which is great actually.

@SkeletonSkins

I would say start to build a life beyond ‘family’ life. Get your own hobbies and interests to do at weekends. Kids as they get older are less and less fussed about family days and all the rest - fill your life with stuff for you, that you enjoy.

This makes sense. I think my kids are nearing that age. I don't want to battle them to force them to do too much "family" shit that they're not keen on (we'll still do plenty)

What own hobbies and interests do you or others do and can recommend? I've been so preoccupied with work and others that i draw a blank when it come to myself.

Good advice all round. My children are 9 and 11. I have some hobbies I can do by myself and I do always feel better once I've done something for myself like a good run or a walk somewhere nice

Op I could have written your post, other than to add I'm rather happy with our insular life. We don't see extended family much, only close to my parents and mother in law, yet we still don't do much with them. At wknds we all tend to just mull about the house, 3 dc of varying age and they are all happy and content at home, reading, playing PS4, drawing, relaxing. I used to feel over whelming pressure to take them out on 'family fun days' only to eventually realise they were mostly not fun for anyone. We have the odd trip out to have meals/cinema/zoo/swimming/funfair etc, but I no longer feel the pressure to be filling their every minute with activities. We no longer do the organised 'fun' outings, I find them awful and over priced, kids end up bored and mitherin to go home.
I stopped used Facebook a few years ago other than for messenger, I found it false and repetitive, I don't miss it at all. Don't let anyone/thing make you feel pressured to be living your lives in any particular way, you have to do what works for you and your family.

You're not alone in feeling this way OP