He pushed me

[Deela14]

We were arguing and i called it off but was going to take it back. I said something he didnt like and he snapped, got angry and threw some a kitchen glove and towel at my face. He then walked over and pushed me. It wasnt like i went flying across the room but the anger on his face was horrifying. I tried to get away and he followed me into the living room. i was shaking. He tried to hug me and then when his parents got invovled he acted like i was just being hysterical over nothing. I couldnt believe he put his hands on me. He told me to get over it and pratically blamed me because he was angry.

His parents will most likely agree its my fault and that i deserve it. Once he calmed down he apologised but still said it was because he was angry but he didnt mean do it vindictively but to push me and get me away from him. He said he would never hurt me and didnt do it to hurt me.

My head is a mess and im in shock. Is this worth tearing our lives apart? We have a dc and i have no job and no where to go

Most men don’t start by hitting 7 bells out of you, they start by throwing something at you etc. I can’t say stay or go but don’t minimise it and slow him to blame you

It starts small and then it escalates…I’m sorry but he has crossed a line and shown you his true colors.

He said never. Then he did it. Now he's saying it was only once and your fault anyway. He will do it again. Like hell would I stay with him and I certainly wouldn't be raising a child with him. Is that what you want your dc to grow up thinking is normal in a relationship? Because they model their relationship on yours. So if daddy shoved mummy and mummy let's him (by staying, that is exactly what you're doing) then that is something they will permit in their own future relationships. Because to them its the norm.

I'm sorry, but this is how it starts. Pushing and throwing things. It will get worse.

Yes, you should leave.

Leave him. And don't go back to him.

He's looking to blame you and minimise what he did because he knows he crossed a serious line. He list control and now he's seeking to take it back. He wants to minimise it to himself as well as to you.

You can do better and are worth so much more than this. Run and don't look back

Why not ring Women’s Aid and have a confidential chat with them?

I am so sorry this is happening to you, but you have to reach out for help from somewhere

You need to leave as it only gets worse. Throwing things and pushing will escalate. I wish I had left the first time he pushed me.

It’s so easy to think oh it’s only once, oh he loves me, - but he can’t control himself and once you permit this, it’s the green light.
He has his flying monkeys (parents) that will enable him to think that he is right.

Register with the council if you can. Go to a relative if you can.
Call women’s aid who can give you advice. They normally give you the details of a local organisation.

Well, he didn’t seem very apologetic if he thinks is your fault, and being financially dependent on him/his parents might give him the idea that he can do whatever and you will put with it as you have no other choice.

Start putting your ducks in a row, you have the perfect conditions for this to become an absolute nightmare. Better to leave sooner than waiting until you have your self esteem broken and are no longer strong enough to save your child and yourself from abuse.

Why are his parents there? Do they live with you?

Or do you live with his parents?

Can you call women’s aid when he’s not around for some support? He’ll be more violent if you stay

He threw stuff at you and walked across the room to push you. That’s a deliberate attack and you need to walk away before it escalates.

He isn’t even sorry and is trying to gaslight you. H

Is this worth tearing our lives apart?

He was the one who threw things and pushed you, so if you decide to split up, he would be the one tearing your lives apart.

Do not transfer any blame or guilt onto yourself and don't let him do that to you either.

I agree, it escalates. Walk away now, and stay away.

Yes, it will get worse. It always gets worse.

ITV have a list of helplines for groups that can support you

www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/domestic-violence-helplines

It is extremely rare for violence to be a true one off, it's very likely to happen again.

You will have to try and assess the situation yourself . If your partner has anger issues all the time, then you know it's bad news for you.

I’m so sorry he did this to you. Someone who’s supposed to love you has treated you in the most callous way in anger and is now minimising what he did.

FWIW my DP once threw a scrunched up receipt in my face during an argument. I went ballistic and he “couldn’t understand” why, but it doesn’t matter what the item was, or that it didn’t really hurt. It was the thing he happened to have in his hand. What if that had been some keys or a phone etc? What if he’d been making dinner and it was a knife? We split up for a while, eventually got back together and in a future argument he kicked something across the room in fury - an escalation. I was terrified and called police. He was arrested. He went to counselling and basically sorted himself out - I gave him one last chance 8 years ago and he hasn’t done anything like it again, but I’m sure it’s the knowledge that if he did I’d have no hesitation in calling police again. I will not apologise for that nor accept that it was an overreaction - when a man goes round scaring women he deserves what he gets. And what he has is someone who will not even accept a raised voice any more. My boundaries have got tighter but it has been stressful every time we disagree waiting to see whether he pushes them again.

I had a previous boyfriend who started by being funny about what I wore. Next came squeezing my hand just a bit too tight while holding it. Didn’t think too much of it. Then he pushed me. “It was a joke”. Then he punched a hole in the wall. Finally he pinned me down, strangled me and bit my face. I’m lucky I’m not dead.

A push doesn’t remain just a push. And ordinarily throwing things doesn’t stop there either. And even if it never happened again, how stressful would it be every time you disagree to have to worry that it might if you don’t somehow control your behaviour?

Even the faintest whiff of this sort of thing these days and I’d be long gone as I have zero tolerance to bullshit these days.

You need to leave him. But I know that feels too much sometimes so If you don’t, then you need to have a very firm line that denotes when you will. What will it be? How far does he get to push it before you say no more?

I always say that there is no "first" time - that means there will be a second, third etc. time.
I maintain that there "an only" time!

Get registered with a Housing Association and speak to Womens Aid it will not stop here,according to my friend who works for Womans Aid it takes 20+ assaults before women decide to take the step just think what your child would be witnessing.Get out asap.

This is how it starts. These things always escalate. The fact that he is minimising his actions and blaming you shows you how this is going to develop.

Leave him now. Best to do it now before you get trapped. Take it from someone who knows.

When there's a first time, there's a second time.
He's already saying it's your fault.

Look what you made me do.

The tagline of the abuser.

That's how my ex started. First he pushed me and was horrified and said it was all his fault. Then he pushed me and said it was all my fault. Then he'd throw things at my head during arguments. Then he'd slap me. Then he headbutted me square in the face, got me down on the floor and strangled me.

Yours is already blaming you, he isn't even bothering to pretend to feel guilt. It will not get better and will almost certainly get worse. Get out before it does.

You’ve told him it’s over so stick to it.