To be angry? TW self harm and sexual assault

[Atypicaldancer]

I feel SO angry - it’s pouring out of me. Dd, 15 has struggled with online shaming on social media; bullying; she’s self harmed as well. CAMHS and her psychiatrist thought she was autistic and we have been on the NHS waiting list for a year.

School wouldn’t support an EHCP, saying her struggles were only social. She stopped attending, saying she couldn’t cope and self harming when pressed to go.

This year, she’s gone in happily - but on many occasions, school have asked us to take her home as her behaviour is so erratic- she’s running and hiding and saying she wants to die. At the same time, still not supporting an EHCP.

I’ve had to go private. Terrified we won’t get a diagnosis. Angry at the past, at the struggle, at how she’s been shamed and alienated on social media and by extension, so have I.

She was sexually assaulted last year by a boy she knew. I’m angry about that too.
I’m angry about what I read in the news about men and treatment of women, particularly vulnerable women.
I’m just so angry.

I hear you x

Oh Op, I'm in exactly the same boat as you to a tee except my DD is 16 and left in April. She left school and just basically dropped out. She's been having counselling for over a year now and they've made noises that they think she has autism. We saw a psychiatrist who said she doesn't think so, we're being passed back and forth.
Self harming too and the same thing happened with a boy from her school. Almost identical

Have you posted about this before OP?

I am so sorry, I hope the private ddx can get the ball rolling for your DD.
Big cuddle.

Your poor daughter, that sounds absolutely horrific. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but just wanted you to know that I hear you.

@Hankunamatata yes under a different name.

Thank you. I just have been so anxious the last couple of days that I felt I couldn’t go on. But today I was angry. At male entitlement. At the lack of funding for SEND. At the unfairness of it all.

Have you contacted the local authority?
Ask to speak to a send caseworker and explain school are struggling to meet needs and rather than supporting her to get a full time education which she is entitled to by law they are illegally excluding her by sending her home when they can’t meet needs. I would then tell them you are keeping her home until school can meet her needs or support an ehcp to help find a school that can.

Remove all social media. Concentrate on what she likes doing and support that, build up confidence in what she likes to do. I really hope things improve for you

It really is atrocious how underfunded mental health is.

I believe even private psychiatrists (like Psychiatry UK, for e.g.) have months long waiting lists now. Have you managed to get DD an appointment soon?

I was very similar to your DD when I was 14-16, I ended up school-avoiding until 16 and then didn't leave the house from 16-18 (severe agoraphobia). It was only when CAMHS finally provided CBT and therapy did it get better. But at 28 I'm doing much better and most people wouldn't have any idea I've ever struggled.

I hope this gives you some measure of hope... you can both get through this, it's very hard but you can get through this. xx

A support worker came but said we were doing everything right and didn’t see any point in an early help assessment. They agreed school should be supporting an EHCP. The psychiatrist is already seeing her and the autism assessment should be done by Christmas. We have CBT to book soon too, though not sure how well she will communicate.

Dd has her QB and ADOS autism/adhd assessments tomorrow. Feel nervous about it.