To give friend ultimatum over how she lets her little dog be treated?

[Helloise]

Close friend has a little mutt of a dog, supposedly part mini-pin, part Jack Russell. He’s a nervous anxious little thing but very sweet, he always comes to me when I visit and snuggles up to me so I guess I’m partial to him. Anyway, friend’s granddaughter (who she is raising) is old enough now that she can pick up the dog and she absolutely won’t leave it alone. The dog clearly hates it and growls and licks his nose and trembles and even snaps but no one seems to care because he’s completely toothless. Last time I was there the dog was literally hiding behind my back where I could feel him trembling and the granddaughter was still digging around for him, I said “maybe let’s leave him alone for a bit, he’s tired” - the granddaughter started crying and my friend said “oh it’s fine, (dog) doesn’t mind”. He clearly DOES mind though and it breaks my heart to see how miserable he is.

I might try to explain a bit of dog psychology and how the nose licking and growling/shaking show how miserable he is, but I honestly think she wouldn’t care- if the granddaughter wants to drag him around like a doll and it keeps her busy that’s fine with her. It’s really making me reconsider the kind of person she is. I’m tempted to kidnap the little dog and make a run for it. Seriously though I would offer to take the little dog off her hands if I didn’t already have a dog-reactive rescue lurcher of my own at home. What would you do?

my friend has a good natured lab and her dds have grown up with her.

The dds and the lab all roll and play together. their lab is so laid back, really happy to play.

But her 2 year old is the same with ALL dogs. My dog is good natured, but when we go round, the 2 year old will drape herself over him and try and get him to roll round on the floor. My dog is confused and doesn't like it, and reacts to her. I try to keep them apart. Last time I was there, I saw her do it and just got to them in time to intervene, as my dog snapped. Now I don't let her near my dog, which is a shame as they would happily dog sit for us, but it isn't fair on her or my dog.

So, as PP said, she is setting her GD up for trouble. She is going to get herslef bitten.

There are books for kids about understanding dog behaviour. Could you get one for the granddaughter and look through it together next time you’re there?

Here’s an example book I found www.books4people.co.uk/products/doggie-language-a-dog-lovers-guide-to-understanding-your-best-friend-by-lili-chin?variant=39428908646515&currency=GBP&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=google+shopping&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzrOog5mE9AIVkuvtCh0h8QEKEAQYAiABEgKvmvD_BwE

@Skeumorph

Honestly, I think I'd steal the dog if I could get him to a shelter or possibly find someone who would rehome...

Poor little thing.

Honestly, I'd be tempted to steal the dog, too.

I'm not clear though, OP, have you actually suggested rehoming the dog? Because I seriously would, although a toothless, anxious, nervous little dog may not find many 'takers', poor thing.

I’d end the friendship and tell her bluntly why. Maybe it will be the wake up she needs and make her realise what others think.

I don't think there's a thing you can do here, sadly. Not your dog; not your grandchild; not your home.

I would try talking to the child about how the dog is showing its feelings and encourage her to give it respect and love, reminding her it's not a toy. Show her what the dog needs and ask her to imagine how she'd feel being hauled around unwillingly.

Beyond that, you're powerless.

No one is ever “ powerless” when it comes to stopping cruelty of any kind.

This enrages me. One of our lovely labs was with a family who let their child sit on his back, stand on his head and stick fucking blue tac to him. He was never walked and used as a toy - he was 6 months old when granny fell ill I offered to look after him, he’s been with me for 5 years now and never went home. Unfortunately he wasn’t chipped when he came to us - he was chipped with a week after arriving.

Sorry but I’d be having words with this vile. woman, some folk shouldn’t have dogs!

I think you need to be honest with her, it’s very unfair on the dog and cruel, one day the little girl may doing it to the wrong dog.

I had to report my neighbour many years ago to RSPCA over the poor dogs treatment and neglect, I am so glad I did, the dog was eventually removed from their care.

Poor dog. I would be tempted to report to the Dogs Trust and explore getting it rehomed (some people will take elderly dogs with health problems, though most won't). Before that, however, I would remind your friend that, if her grandchild thinks it's OK to treat dogs like that, she's likely sooner or later to do it to a dog who DOES have teeth, and WILL bite her. How old is the grandchild? If she's a toddler, she should simply be kept away from the dog as much as possible; if an older child, it may be a more fundamental problem. Was she taken by the grandmother as a young baby, or had she experienced a lot of chaotic parenting from her seemingly feckless, addicted(?) mother already? Does she bully other children?

I don't know why you haven't been straight with her. In answer to your question, it would be fine to give her an ultimatum over this.

I'd take him. He'd have a better life in a cage at yours just let you for toileting and walks than he does at hers.

Tell her straight.

The worst that can happen is you lose a "friend".

I couldn't be friends with someone who abused animals.

Your friend is stupid and cruel and it looks like she’s dragging up another kid as badly as she did her own daughter. Of course you must say something to her. Spell it out to the idiot how miserable the poor dog is, and if she still just shrugs it off, tell her you can’t sit and watch such cruelty anymore and you will reporting her to the RSPCA.

It’s also dangerous that she’s not bringing up the child to behave appropriately around animals. I was always really careful with DD and our cat because while I know he was a tolerant, soppy old cuddler who would put up with almost anything, other cats might not be so she needed to learn to be calm and gentle and give them space.

The only reason I can think of that you could influence her is to explain that unless the grandchild is taught how to interact properly and to respect this dog, then she will believe it is fine to do that to any other dog she meets too………with terrible consequences
Your ‘friend’ sounds absolutely vile tbh

Poor dog :(

@VickyEadieofThigh

That this dog can't cause the child much harm doesn't mitigate the fact that the child isn't learning NOT to behave like this around dogs that might do her a LOT of harm.

That's one of the tacks I'd be taking with this friend, if she cares so little for how the dog feels.

good idea, not all dogs have no teeth....but for me once I had spoken my mind this would end the friendship

Ring rspca and annonomasly report ASAP. I would of done this the first time I saw this happening

There have been some great ideas on this thread. I can't tell which one would work best with her. If any.

I'm not really a dog person and I am less so for little dogs, but I just want to bring him back to mine and give him some peace - abd love. Poor wee thing. He needs an owner who will actively protect him because he can't do that himself, not take advantage of him and humiliate him.

I think you should say something, honestly people wonder why dogs bite kids when tormented. Obviously not in this case dog is toothless but he would of done and most definitely child would of left the dog alone then , but the dog I suspect would be out .
Honestly say something it concerns you so much you need to .

Such a difficult situation. Years ago, as a social worker, I was assessing a 4 year olds home, and she put the kitten in the washing machine, the adults found it funny and clearly thought it very strange when I asked them to explain to the child why that was wrong. 5 minutes later they told me they were getting a Rottweiler. I told them that in that case, I would be recommending that the child live with her grandmother. And I did.

I’m another one suggesting dog napping. This is awful.

RSPCA.

Report her.
Anonymously, if needs be.
I would have no qualms in telling her I wouldn't be around to watch any more cruelty though.