Why has my son changed overnight?

[Needspace21]

He is just 6 years old. He has never once protested about going to nursery reception or year 1 up until now. However, he has suddenly done a massive 180. He is now saying he would rather die than go to school. He wishes he could "delete" school. His general behaviour has suddenly become muxh worse with some swearing, hitting his brother and throwing things in the house. He was never like this before

In parents evening his teacher admits she pushes them hard 'because she knows they can do it'. My son said he had a break detention the other day where he had to sit on the wood floor for breaking another child's lego model (my son said it was an accident as he thought the previous child had finished playing with it).

I feel so bad for him. Could he be being bullied? Is the teacher to harsh with him. I hate the thought of taking him somewhere he hates everyday.

Year 1 in my kids school starts off with toys in the classroom which gradually get removed over the course of the year in favour of learning aids. It's a very transitional year.

That being said I'd be supportive of your son- children don't have the emotional vocabulary to describe trauma situations, they react expressively.

I'd be seriously fucked off about a 6 year old having a whole break detention too- it's inappropriate. If they're going to be pushed hard then they need their running round at breaktime to get the wiggles out and blow off steam.

The less confident teachers are ramping up the barrage of prep for the phonics assessments. Is it to do with that?

@Mossstitch oh don't feel guilty! And I moved my son as well within a matter of weeks of uncovering the bullying, as the school were all closing ranks on me so I moved him fast.

I'm sorry you went through this as well, my son we now know was struggling and has a bit of an "away with the fairies" look when he's struggling and that was enough to annoy the shit out of her, because he wouldn't make eye contact when she yelled in his face 🤦‍♀️. I just found it amazing she was able to take another role in a different school.

It was an absolute blessing for us as he's had an amazing education and great caring teachers and I always feel bad posting on mumnset as I do know there are so many amazing hard working teachers so don't want to bash the profession but when I read posts like the OPs it worry's me that it's always focused on the child and we rarely question the adults around them.

They missed so much of nursery and reception in lock downs. That was the time for them to enjoy play based learning. They’re now suddenly expected to sit at tables and write and do maths and science in a more formal way. Lots of YR1’s are struggling with this. My Yr1 is 5 and hates school now with a passion it breaks my heart.

I'd want to understand more about what she means by pushing 6 year olds hard.

How hard? How is she treating DS? Is she expecting too much? Does her style suit him?

I'm not sure about break time detentions for 6 year olds. They are perhaps still a bit young for that and do need to let off steam.

As a teacher my guess is he really feels the punishment was unfair and genuinely didn't know the child wasn't finished. The unfairness has got into his heart and now he doesn't want to go . A child that age needs to love his teacher and look forward to seeing them. After all they spend up to 5 hours a day with that one adult. My ds was so upset and refusing to go to school as the teacher shouted at him and he said
What can l do to convince you l can never go back to that class?
He was very quiet and teachers anger was due to him putting stuff back in the wrong place..he felt he genuinely didn't know and got an awful shock when the teacher roared.
Try having a quiet chat with him at bedtime to see if the real issue will come out.
And yes as already said some children start school refusing as more reading involved if they have dyslexia as they can't understand why others are getting it and he isn't.

@ClemDanFango as a Year 1 teacher it makes me so sad to hear this. I really want to teach the way I feel is right for the age group but I'm not allowed to. It upsets me on a daily basis and I'm forever arguing in staff meetings that year 1 shouldn't be expected to do this, that or the other, all mainly falls on deaf ears. It's scandalous what we're doing to these children.
FWIW my class do quite a lot of playing but it's still a huge change from the free flow play-based approach deployed in reception.

@bloodyhoodedeyes aww thanks, there's a lot of things you look back on when older and wiser but at the time you do the best you know how🤷 That's quite funny about being 'away with the fairies'........ I was advised by the same school to take my older son to the GP and get him tested for petit mal epilepsy due to him having that look too, he ended up having tests which were total waste of NHS money, it was merely that he got bored, was in a world of his own and tended to avoid eye contact with the teacher when she was telling him off. She was a rather 'shouty' teacher which didn't suit my boys at all. I grew up with shouty parents and tried to be the complete opposite and always communicated/explained everything to my boys from a very early age so they weren't really used to having orders barked at them. Unfortunately there are a small percentage who shouldn't be teachers, they act like they hate children but that isn't to bash the profession, it's the same in all roles, I work in hospital and there are definitely some nurses/HCPs who are anything but caring but others who are amazing! I'm glad your son went on to find somewhere that suited him😍