Moving mid-primary how hard to make local friends

[guey4909]

Need to move house and area. DH wants to move just when DTs will be in Year 1 or 2 i.e. they will start Reception in one school area and we'd then move. I would rather move for Reception but its less convenient. Am concerned that it'll be hard building a local network and getting to know local parents if we're not there from the beginning. For some reason we're just can't agree. How hard is it to rebuilding local network if you moved the kids mid-primary?

I found it quite easy. Joined the PTA!

That age is ok. As parents pick up from school, kids still have parties, play dates, hobbies etc.

End of primary much harder, speaking from experience! (But by then I really couldn’t care less about having a local network based on the age of my children).

We already found moving to somewhere new mid-nursery a bit hard as we just haven't met anyone so hoping this will be our final move for a little while

How much time does the PTA take up?

What’s the reason for not moving before primary? Though you’d need to have moved by the January before they start to get into a school according to your address.
Is that this coming January? If so that’s a tough ask. If it’s the January after then is that not doable?

I know loads of people who have left mid primary because an older sibling was moving to a new area for secondary.

@guey4909

We already found moving to somewhere new mid-nursery a bit hard as we just haven't met anyone so hoping this will be our final move for a little while

How much time does the PTA take up?

That’s also, presumably, during lockdown. Also if it’s a private nursery (as opposed to a pre school or playgroup type) it’s different to school - people might be dropping and picking at slightly different times, rather than standing in the playground, as just one example.

I would move in time for Reception personally, not because of the social network but because of the likelihood of you getting places at a school you want them to go to.

If you move in Y1/2 you will get only get offered places at the schools where there is space for them.

@ChalfontPark

I would move in time for Reception personally, not because of the social network but because of the likelihood of you getting places at a school you want them to go to.

If you move in Y1/2 you will get only get offered places at the schools where there is space for them.

Yes this. And you will only be able to apply for places when moved. Friends who’ve moved mid primary have found it a right ‘mare sorting out school places.

At that age its easy. Took dd2 round her new school age 6 (year 2). She had a pink unicorn toy in her hand and had 5 best friends within 5 minutes!

DD1 was in y5 and it was really tricky for her. Took nearly 6 months to really settle.

But ultimately it's down to their personality and how easily they make friends in general.

So we are in rentals and I've been trying to get DH to agree to the move since September. We could make the January deadline and I even know the area that I would like to move to. DH though just doesn't want to move yet (or at all really). But thinks we can leave it for a year or two. I did find the lock down WFH and two kids quite hard and lonely while DH was out at work most of the time so very keen to move and make some local friends. I appreciate that this might be skewing my thinking quite a bit.

If you’re renting then absolutely move now.
Does your husband realise how hard it is to move schools once they’ve started?
Is it that he can’t be arsed? You need to spell it out to him!

Unless where you live there’s lots of available spaces in the relevant year groups at all the good schools. But I doubt this.

Move before they start school. You'll be lucky to find spaces in the same achool for them in Y1 or Y2. You certainly won't have much choice, if any.

I live in London and many many kids have joined mid year...including during lockdown which must have been really tough. All have been welcomed!

I’m wondering this as we’re in a similar boat except my eldest would be going into year 3. He joined in reception but even starting that early there are groups of parents who know each other from their children being at the preschool/nursery together. It’s not exactly cliques but there are a bunch who socialise together and whose kids clearly only do play dates with the kids of the parents who know each other from back then.

Yes, I think DH has never really engaged with things like schools. Unfortunately, we have had to relocate quite a bit since DCs were born and am now feeling anxious that we or even I just wont settle anymore. I think with DTs they would normally be accommodated in the same year but am not sure.

@guey4909

Yes, I think DH has never really engaged with things like schools. Unfortunately, we have had to relocate quite a bit since DCs were born and am now feeling anxious that we or even I just wont settle anymore. I think with DTs they would normally be accommodated in the same year but am not sure.

With DTs it will be harder as you will need two spare places in the same year not 2!

@Tabbypawpaw yes, i was wondering that too. To clarify, the parents at the nursery seem lovely (from the Whatsapp group) but I actually haven't met them IRL due to all the ongoing restrictions and everyone else seems to have been here forever.

Mine moved in Y5 and Y2 and have both found it really easy to make friends. I wouldn’t say we’ve made a social circle out of any of the Y5 parents (but we probably could have done if we had tried harder) and she is now in Y7 and has a whole different set of friends but we have with the other one. I think there is always loads of opportunity if you make it and kids are very adaptable as long as you don’t make a big issue of a move.

Not true. Twins (or any size multiple births) are one of the few exceptions to infant class size rules. They will go to 31 for Twins.

But irregardless of that, you might not get a school you want if you move later on.

We've moved area when DD was going into year 2. She made loads of new friends and settled in really well.

Are you worried more about yourself making friends or your kids?

It probably won't make much difference to small children - if they are generally social and good with other kids, a 6 year old could have a best friend by the first lunch time.

Remember that while you might envisage going on playdates with your children now because they are very small, quite quickly at school, it will be just the kids going round. You don't need to accompany 6 year olds round to someone's house for tea after school. Playdates don't have to mean adult socialising past a certain age (year 1 definitely).

So I'd separate out friends for yourself and friends for your kids. Even if the mums are in settled friendship groups, that doesn't automatically mean their kids are. Kids have six hours a day at school to make their own friends and ask "can Oliver come round?" Or pick their friends to invite to a birthday party.

It could be harder for you to make friends but might not make much difference to your children's friendships.

Remember you can look to build your own network up in all sorts of places, not just school

Your DH really needs to understand how restricted the admissions process is. He may think it's still a case of children going to the nearest school. You could end up with your twins having to travel some distance for a few years to a school you don't like while you wait for a place at your preferred school. Moving now might not be ideal for him but it would make the next few years a lot simpler for the rest of you.

@MojoMoon yes, I think you are right. I am probably as much if not more worried about us making friends as DTs.It would just be nice to feel a bit more settled in a place. But am also feeling that I dont feel that we can have playdates with their friends from nursery because we dont know their parents and I would be concerned if it's the same at primary.

Will mention to DH how hard it could be finding school places in a couple of years. I think this year has been exceptional that school are generally a bit emptier, we live in London but this might not be the same a few years down the line.