To leave work without telling my ex

[Aubreyyx]

I met my ex in work, we only dated for around 10 months but I ended it. Reasons too much to get into… basically a lot of immaturity and game playing on his half.

He did make my time there bearable though, and we had a lovely time generally.

I’ve just been offered a position in another city hours away from work, and I’ve accepted. I’ll be leaving work in four ish weeks.

My colleagues are going to find out, and likely want to go for leaving drinks. It seems harsh not to have him there… kinda the only person I’ll miss.

I was thinking of sending him a text saying I’m leaving, and I just wanted to let him know. We’ve had no contact for about a week (split for 2 weeks)

I remember him saying in April time “I bet you just leave here out the back door and never say a word to anyone… that’s you all over”

You have split up you owe him nothing

Just go. What will it change if you tell him? You broke up with go for a reason.

With him*

If you resign to take another job, you naturally tell your colleagues. While I agree you don't owe him anything, it would be more courteous to tell him directly before he hears it at the proverbial water cooler from someone else.

No, your not his business anymore

You don’t have to tell him, but it’s polite to tell him and it sounds like you want to, so what would be the point of keeping it secret? I’d send a text saying you’re leaving and wishing him well.

Don’t think it matters either way.

However, sounds like you’ve split on relatively good terms, so why wouldn’t you?

He's hoping you'll leave out of the back door and not say anything to anyone. He's essentially told you what to say. You know what to glean from that. Sadly it's goodbye tara to him. sorry OP X

If he's the only person you'll miss, then you'd be better spending time with him that the others.

I'd just organise leaving drinks and include him in the invitation.

I would probably tell him, but it depends how you parted. If you feel like telling him would put a line under everything for you and help you move on with a clear head and no hard feelings, then tell him.

You say you’ll miss him, even though he’s an ex. So it sounds like you still hold a torch. With that in mind, and assuming I’m correct, the only reason you’ll be telling him is to presumably attempt to incite a reaction in him and get some attention. That’s not healthy. Just go.

I would text him if he was a nice guy.
Do you still have feelings for him? Are you leaving because of the breakups.

I don’t think it’s a huge deal either way

I’d let him know along with everyone else

@wobblywinelover

He said this in a joking way when I was looking for a new job at the start of the year when we were very happy together, it was an ongoing joke that he always found me to be a free spirit. Nothing to do with him waiting me to leave by the back door

I think it depends on how you have been with each other since breaking up.

If your on good terms, then a quick call/message is courteous.

But you don't owe him that.

It is normal to tell colleagues when you are leaving, I would tell him in the same way that you would tell anyone else.

I think it’s a bit shit to not tell him. It’s like you wanted a dramatic exit. Just be upfront.

That comment doesn't sound like a joke. It sounds like a snide comment disguised as a joke so if you challenge it he can say oh can't you take a joke...

What is amusing about “I bet you just leave here out the back door and never say a word to anyone… that’s you all over". ? That's not celebrating a free spirit or whatever bollocks he convinced you he felt. It's actually quite rude.

Is he your colleague? If so then tell him at the same time as you tell everyone else, if not then I wouldn't bother.

I remember him saying in April time “I bet you just leave here out the back door and never say a word to anyone… that’s you all over”

& what's that got to do with the price of fish?!

You said it yourself OP - he's a gameplayer.
You don't need to pay any attention to his stupid games, his stupid opinions, or his stopid feelings about how you choose to exit your job.

Please handle your leaving do, or not having one, exactly as YOU wish, without the slightest reference to him. You don't need to make a special case for how you say goodbye to anyone, especially not him. If you have a leaving do, he'll hear about it, & decide to show up or not. It's simply not your concern.

Gameplayers love living for free in your head.
Don't give him the satisfaction.

@SummerInSun

If you resign to take another job, you naturally tell your colleagues. While I agree you don't owe him anything, it would be more courteous to tell him directly before he hears it at the proverbial water cooler from someone else.

Gameplayers are not owed courtesy.

Women don't owe their Exes "nice".

It was a joke, it was discussed after he said it. Obviously a bit of truth behind every joke. It wasn’t snide.

@WomanStanleyWoman yes I am concerned it’s like a dramatic breakup related exit