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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Had you ever seen a birth

94 replies

LilyTheMink · 05/11/2021 19:59

before giving birth yourself?

I think I'd only seen an animal do it but definitely no humans.

I really think its unnatural that it is so much behind closed doors and it is such an enormous shock to so many women.

I did nct and really the teacher skimmed over how the birth would feel. Contractions? "Like period pains" . Birth? Three theoretical 'stages' that in the actuality you can't understand from the experience at the time.

Aibu to think that we should be encouraging women to become more involved or even to view live births - somehow, even on video - before they are plunged into it with that first contraction of their own?

OP posts:

HelloBambinos · 05/11/2021 21:13

I had my first 2 children before I started my midwifery training. Now a qualified midwife and pregnant with our 3rd. If you had asked this during my 1st year of training once I had seen a few births at the 'business end' I would be absolutely terrified to be pregnant right now. However, now I have more experience and have facilitated and/or witnessed the majority of births, birthing positions, c sections and obstetric emergencies I actually feel more in control and have a better understanding of how my body works in respect of labour and the various stages so feel ill have a more positive experience regardless of how the delivery goes. Womens bodies are powerful and amazing regardless of the mode of delivery.

Just to clarify I'm aware that even though I write this now there is a chance when I go into labour I'll resort back to my 1st year midwifery student self and just completely freak out now I know what it 'looks like' but we shall see.

canyoutoleratethis · 05/11/2021 21:13

I did the Positive Birth Company’s hypnobirthing course before my DD was born and they actively discourage you from watching OBEM because of how distorted it is - every birth on the programme is heavy on the interventions and the vast majority of women give birth screaming whilst lying on their backs. As a TV show it does women a disservice by only showing one type of labour. Instead, we were given links to a wide variety of birth videos, to provide a much greater range of experiences. It definitely helped me. I felt really well informed, and went on to have a beautiful waterbirth at home.

frumpety · 05/11/2021 21:14

Not a human birth, but saw quite a few large mammals born and assisted in a couple of births.
Had DS1 and my Mother was at great pains to let me know it would be horrrible, painful and messy, she was right !
Saw two human vaginal births and two sections after that as part of my training, see the other end of the life journey now.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 05/11/2021 21:17

Scary observation but until I was actually preparing to give birth, I thought babies were born face up.

MilduraS · 05/11/2021 21:18

I didn't see a birth video before I had mine but did see one after and thank the lord I had no idea what it would look like. The pain was bad enough without knowing exactly why it hurt so muchZ

Pbbananabagel · 05/11/2021 21:19

Personally found NCT really pushed the ‘don’t believe one born every minute, they edit it to make it more dramatic’ line… and my and every one of my NCT group’s experiences were all much closer to OBEM and nothing like NCT lead us to believe. I’d spent ammo this listening to positive birth story podcasts and really gearing myself up for a lovely smooth natural birth… felt so very disappointed in myself and like I’d failed myself and my DC when it all went pear shaped. NCT has a lot to answer for.

MrsFin · 05/11/2021 21:21

OBEM first episode was 2010....

It must have been some other programme about birth then

Hoppinggreen · 05/11/2021 21:22

I still haven’t.
DH has seen a couple (mine) though. I was up the top end and couldn’t see much.
A friend of mine in America was horrified when a large mirror was wheeled in so she could see herself give birth in great detail

Suspiciousmind20 · 05/11/2021 21:23

Yes. Hypnobirthing course. It was reassuring. Obviously not all births are like a text book hypnobirthing birth but it was good to see that the way it’s depicted in films isn’t the reality.

Courtier · 05/11/2021 21:24

Yes. They made us watch it at schoool and I have been fucking scarred ever since

BubblinTrouble · 05/11/2021 21:25

I did hynobirthing and that encourages you to watch labour videos. So it wasn’t the full thing but was so eye opening. The hypno birthing course was great. Really informative. Way more than the nct one. There’s lots of info on SM too which helps mentally prepare.

Courtier · 05/11/2021 21:25

@MrsFin

How old are you? I'm 60, DDs mid 20s and OBEM was around before I was pregnant.

OBEM started in 2010 so unless your mid20s daughters grew in double time the math ain't matching...

3luckystars · 05/11/2021 21:30

When I was pregnant I used to love those really old fashioned programmes filmed in the maternity hospitals, there was one in a home birthing place beside the ‘new forest’ too and I used to be glued to it. I’d say it was made in the 90’s.

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 05/11/2021 21:30

Yes I watched a birth when I was doing my Nursery Nurse training. I was on placement in a maternity unit which I absolutely loved. The mum had her foot on my hip and the other on the midwife whilst she was pushing. It was her 2nd or 3rd and she was really calm and made it look easy. Baby would be 41/42 now! It was an amazing experience but I probably didn't appreciate it as much at 16/17 years old. I had really easy births myself. A student midwife delivered my oldest. He was her first delivery.

PickupaPenguin8 · 05/11/2021 21:33

No I hadn’t. We were shown a video at school but I didn’t remember anything about it. I only went to one antenatal class due to moving areas whilst pregnant. It was the model of the pelvis and the doll. Something about breathing.
I was totally clueless and unprepared. I really had no idea at all about labour. Unfortunately I had a horrendous delivery too. Really traumatising. I was angry afterwards about how unprepared I had been.

Greyrootszerohoots · 05/11/2021 21:35

Not only birth but post partum. Recovering from episiotomy and forceps take a long time and you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus for weeks. A bus that hit you right smack in the vagina.

SockQueen · 05/11/2021 21:37

@Pbbananabagel

Yeah, of my NCT class, we had 1 ELCS, 3 EMCS, 1 forceps, 1 induction followed by vaginal birth (me), 1 lovely home water birth... Followed by a PPH and ambulance transfer to hospital. Not quite the dream!

Thatnameistaken · 05/11/2021 21:38

I was birthing partner to a friend who was left high and dry by the father. It wasn't a straight forward delivery and things ran out of control in the hospital and she ended up having a ventous delivery. I can only describe the whole process as traumatic and brutal, i was unable to be of any help to her and was just an anxious onlooker mostly.

I had a home birth when I had my DD, things would have had to be dire for me to put myself in the hands of obstetrics.
However I think my friend must have been far less traumatised by events than me as she went on to have 3 more children!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 05/11/2021 21:40

We were shown a video at the antenatal classes. It was actually quite a positive, calm one as births go, but it freaked DH out terribly when the baby crowned. He hadn't been at all nervous till then, but after that he was terrified.

stevalnamechanger · 05/11/2021 21:44

Yes I've seen it a lot on TV shows youtube and now I'm not prepared to do it and going elective only

StartingGrid · 05/11/2021 21:44

I did, and am still childless 😂

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 05/11/2021 21:52

I saw loads as a Student nurse. First was a 13 year old and it was horrendous, poor kid she didn't know what the hell was going on.
After that it got better, lots of Mums having number 2 3 or 4. and one lot of twins.
It didn't put me off wanting them, made me feel it was all going to be OK and aimed for a natural birth except mine were breech and C-sections

Capferret · 05/11/2021 22:14

Yes. And the most beautiful was a lady who had an epidural, the midwife was very experienced and guided the mum to push by feeling the contractions on her stomach. There was no screaming or shouting, just a calm well managed delivery.
The midwife also turned the lights down straight after the birth and the parents sat happily cuddling their baby in an atmosphere of serenity.
I’ve never forgotten.
My own two births were nothing like it!

Japingjaponica · 05/11/2021 22:15

I did, in my gap year I worked on Maternity ward.
It really helped me when I came.to have children because I viewed labour as marathon, that I needed to be ready and fit for.
Saw soa.y women give birth and it was so many things...miraculous, beautiful, gutsy, powerful, terrifying, bewildering and bloody.

goose1964 · 05/11/2021 22:16

No before but I was there for my daughter's first two

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