To complain about disruptive boy in DD12’s lesson, now Vaping

[Neverywhere]

DD12 is in year 8. There’s a boy in her form who has been disruptive since the start of year 7. Throughout primary she was frequently lumped with sitting next to the disruptive kids and it started again when she moved to high school. They end up sitting the trouble makers next to the sensible kids which is really unfair but I can understand why they do it.

I did mention it at parents evening last year and one teacher moved her away from him, the other acted surprised when I mentioned it, like he wasn’t causing a problem because they both completed their work, and apparently didn’t do anything about it.

Anyway, this year they’re in sets for a few of their lessons so she’s mostly escaped him, but she is in a few classes with him and although she’s not having to sit right next to him, he sits close to her in a couple of lessons and he’s causing problems again.

He's obviously well known as a trouble maker now and there’s been a few incidents which he’s been in trouble for. He has detention most days, apparently. The things that affect DD are mostly general lesson disruption, which I understand is difficult for the teachers to deal with, so we’ve just been trying to suck it up and look forward to next year when she won’t be in any lessons with him.

But just now she has texted me, from her lesson, to say that this boy is vaping behind her in class and it’s giving her a headache.
Yes, she shouldn’t be texting in class, but the fact that she is able to do that without the teacher noticing, and obviously the fact that this boy is somehow able to vape in class without it drawing the attention of the teacher is outrageous? This is crossing a serious line and this boy needs to be dealt with.

Would I be unreasonable to email the school and ask that they step up their management of this child and insist that DD is never sat anywhere near to him in lessons?

I think I'd be speaking to the Head of Year about wtf was happening in class if you've got a kid vaping and other kids on their phones.

Wtf?! I’m a head of year and can’t believe a child is vaping in class unchallenged?! You should definitely mention it the class teacher clearly needs some support. You are absolutely right the child who has difficulties regulating his behaviour for whatever reason absolutely does not trump your daughters right to an education.

Yes, my first thought was to call school straight away to get someone to remove him from the lesson immediately, but DD was worried she'd also get into trouble and as it was nearly lunchtime I thought I'd think on it. I don't want to be 'that parent' but this is crossing a line.

I am finding it hard to believe a kid can vape in class completely unnoticed.. I think your daughter might be bending the truth a bit.

Oh I dont think he was unnoticed @BenJackinoff I imagine the teacher was just tired of fighting him and trying to get on with teaching. Or possibly just didnt give a fuck. Either way, major problem and not just in this class but possibly with the school. This would just be unthinkable at my kids' school.

I work in a rough school and can confirm that vaping in lessons is a thing unfortunately! Causes a lot of issues at ours. Definitely challenge it with the school, they will deal with it.

@Porcupineintherough

Oh I dont think he was unnoticed *@BenJackinoff* I imagine the teacher was just tired of fighting him and trying to get on with teaching. Or possibly just didnt give a fuck. Either way, major problem and not just in this class but possibly with the school. This would just be unthinkable at my kids' school.

Oh got ya, that honestly wouldn’t occur to me. If it were our school parents would be called in 3 seconds flat. I have been called for the most batshit things, I can’t imagine they would let vaping in class slide. I was once called because DD was spotted texting at lunchtime, her phone removed, and I had to go into school myself to get it back. Teachers would probably have a stroke if someone vaped in class. It’s not even a particularly great school. 😬

Is it wrong to kind of admire him for achieving this unnoticed? I'm in between contact lens at the moment and I can imagine some things are happening at the back that I would normally notice straight away.. I think I'd see a vape though.
The teacher could have been emailing a head of year etc without you knowing, deciding not to have a stand up row with this already regularly badly behaved student in front of others. Something may have happened after the lesson that your dd wouldn't know about.
Or the teacher has just given up, who knows. Maybe she has reported his behaviour many times and senior management just push it back to her to deal with

It is a worrying indication that the school has lost control of their students.

I'd take it as far to the top as you can. The school has a duty of dare and they are failing in it. Your dad and all the other kids who want to learn are being disrupted by this idiot.
Or you can say he's a poor socially isolated victim, and your dd should not expect to be given a chance, after all he is a Boy

I always wonder if a child is going into detention daily whether there is a safeguarding element.

I'd actually agree that your dd shouldn't be texting you from class. Of course his behaviour is far worse but that's the problem - behaviour that would normally be outrageously bad like texting from class looks quite mild next to this. Also I get your dd doesn't know what else to do.

I might ask for a meeting on this basis- that you're shocked your dd texted from class and even more shocked that behaviour was so bad that nobody noticed. Do they have any plans to improve the situation?

The school is shit.

In shit schools things like this and worse do happen. Smoking in class, lighters lit in class, repeated theft, bullying, pushing, shoving, disruption, no science practicals, dt practicals very much curtailed, throwing books out of window etc and thats just in class, worse outside class. That's why loos are usually locked and one loo supervised, in academies.

Can you move schools?

There is a lot of "apparently" situations here.

I'd email/phone the school about the vaping.

"He's had detentions most days" and "troublemaker" is irrelevant.

Vaping at school in not ok regardless of whether you are a disruptive little shit or are a grade A student.

From the other side of this, as a parent of a child with SEN and difficulty regulating his behaviour, I would be hugely appreciative of you complaining. The system bro support children with challenging behaviour is completely broken, and you need so much evidence of support systems failing before you can access the next level of support or intervention.

I'd email the school and be very clear that you won't tolerate the disruption to your child's learning, that the boy needs significantly more support in school so that he doesn't disrupt other children, and that the class teachers clearly need more support if they can't manage his behaviour with the current set up.

I get to see this from both sides because I have other DC who are the "good" ones that get the rough deal of having to support the "trouble makers" in their classes. I alway support my kids to assert that they can't focus or are being disrupted and need to move away to be able to do their own work. But I also try to get them to empathize with the other child to see them as troubled of challenged, rather than bad or disruptive.